The Ramblings of a Warped Mind
by Risknight
Summary: A collection of TBBT sci-fi. None of these stories are connected. They are all AU. It started with one little story, but my mind likes to wander.If you have any suggestions for more topics, PM me. :)
1. Earthquakes and Heartaches

**A friend suggested this story. His exact words were "How would Sheldon react during a disaster if he didn't know where a friend was?" So, here is my take on it. I don't own the Big Bang Theory, the characters, or Pasadena. Much to my dismay.**

* * *

:Earthquake:

It hit at exactly 1:42pm on a Tuesday. Sheldon was in his office when the earthquake sunk half of California and most of Oregon. In moments students and faculty were scrambling for the basement shelters. Not him, though. He hurried away from the university. It wasn't safe there. A hearty aftershock could bury them all alive. Four years of drills had trained Leonard, Raj and Howard to met him at the apartment. The building was damaged but still standing. They hurried up the weak steps to grab supplies and get out. It wasn't until they were leaving that Sheldon realized Penny was at work. Was she okay? Was she safe? He froze on the bottom landing as fear for her washed over him. No, Penny was strong. She could look after herself. He shook off the fear and exited the building. He allowed his training to take over as he lead the others through the rubble strewn streets. They had to get as far away as possible. There was no time for sentiment, he told himself. He ignored the hitch in his heart as he resolutely turned his back on California.

* * *

Two months later, they made contact with Penny's friend, Bernadette. She had managed to get out with a couple of other people. Howard asked her to join them in Texas. Sheldon listened from the other room as she told them her story. How she and Penny had tried to get to the university to find them. How Penny had been frantic about their safety. How Penny had insisted she would not leave until she found them. How she had been crushed when panicked crowds had knocked her down and trampled her.

Leonard watched Sheldon as he slowly headed outside. Sheldon had saved them, and in doing so, lost the only woman who had ever been able to break through his defenses.

* * *

**I have a handful of disaster/creature stories. So rather than post individually, I put them all together here. Welcome to my sci-fi marathon. :)  
**

**Oh, and if anyone has an idea for a disaster or monster short story they would like to read, let me know. I'll see what I can do.  
**

**BTW, I should warn you now that some of these are not fluffy, with happy endings. A couple have very little Shenny interaction, and a few are a tiny bit smutty. Very tiny bit. But hopefully there's something here for everyone.  
**


	2. Has Anyone Tried To Call Bruce Willis?

**What would you do if you knew your life ended soon?**

* * *

:Meteors:

No one was prepared. This wasn't some sort of disaster movie. There was no space ship that could fly up and destroy the meteor. There were no underground bunkers that would shelter them. The meteor was 7.6 miles wide. The planet had about 2 weeks before every form of life on it was destroyed.

Sheldon threw his marker across the room and sat down. Not even with his intelligence could he find a solution. In 8 days, that meteor was going to hit New Zealand. There was no way of stopping it. In 10 days the sun would be blocked out completely across the face of the entire planet. If the tsunamis, earthquakes and volcanic eruptions didn't kill everyone, the air would. No one was going to last long. I guess that arctic expedition won't happen now, he thought to himself.

So, what should a man with an IQ of 187 do with his last remaining days? Slowly Sheldon stood back up. Dare he? He looked in the mirror over his dresser. Could he? Sheldon strode from his bedroom and hurried through the apartment. Leonard was in the kitchen talking to his sister. Howard and Raj were on the couch trying to get in touch with Raj's parents. He opened the front door and crossed the hall.

_Knock, knock, knock. _Penny?

_Knock, knock, knock. _Penny?

_Knock, knock, knock. _Penny?

She opened the door and smiled. Before she could speak he grabbed her close and kissed her with all the pent up desire in him. He had been attracted to her from the very beginning, but Leonard had laid claim to her. He no longer cared. He moaned as Penny grabbed his belt and pulled him inside.

* * *

They lay wrapped around each other murmuring words of love to each other. They had rarely left the bed in the past week. Leonard was furious, but Sheldon did not care. Penny had said she loved him. He even thought she meant it. It didn't matter. He had never been as content as he was at this moment. The sky was black outside her windows. They had turned the radio off yesterday when all they could find were reports of death and destruction. Instead her ipod played soft R&B.

Penny turned his head to look at her. "Sheldon, I really do love you. My only regret is that I didn't keep after you the day we met. I thought you weren't interested."

Sheldon sighed. "I thought the same thing about you. How could anyone so sweet and beautiful want an outcast like me?"

Penny moved over him and kissed him tenderly. "Not an outcast. A beautiful minded genius with the most gorgeous blue eyes I have ever seen."

Sheldon pulled her close and hugged her tight. How ironic. The world was ending just as he discovered his place in it.


	3. A Cold Heat

**I have an addictive personality. Once I find something I like, I can't get enough. The idea of placing TBBT characters in the middle of natural (and unnatural) disasters is too tempting. So, here's another.**

* * *

:Forest Fire:

They stood side by side and watched the horizon. Even now, at 1 o'clock in the morning, the sky was as bright as noon day. All around them they could hear crying, shouting, moaning. Bernadette was the one to reach out, seeking comfort. Sheldon made a conscious effort not to pull away.

Raj was the first to die. Shot by looters. Howard had tried to get to him only to be swept up in the rushing crowds. When they found him, he was leaning against a bench. Blood trickled from the corner of his mouth. A broken rib protruded from his side. They had sat with him until he passed. Leonard succumbed to smoke inhalation, after he lost his inhaler. Amy and Penny had died trying to reach a child in a burning building. Now it was just the two of them. Rescue workers brought them bottles of water and blankets. Offered them transport to a shelter. They declined in unison. They had to stay. They had to watch as their home burned. Forest fires were not an unusual occurrence in California, but this one was the worst in over a century. Nothing firemen and volunteers had done could deter it from it's goal. It swept across the state, growing stronger with each day that passed. By the time he had realized the danger, that it wasn't going to be stopped like every other one before it, it was too late. The city was trapped. Their friends were gone. Their homes destroyed. Their possessions nothing but cinders and ash.

Bernadette started to hum softly. Sheldon smiled as he recognized the tune. Penny had made him listen to it often enough. Somehow it seemed a fitting tribute. When Bernadette reached the end, she began again. This time he joined her, a soft baritone melding with her humming.

_"Don't tell me what to think Cause I don't care this time_

_Don't tell me what to believe Cause you won't be there_

_To catch me when I fall But you'll need me when I'm not here at all_

_Miss me when I'm gone again"_

* * *

**The song it Going Down In Flames by Three Doors Down**


	4. I Love My Mummy

**Ever known someone too smart for their own good? Penny has.**

* * *

:Museum:

"The moment I get room to maneuver, you're a dead man Cooper!" Behind her she could feel Sheldon quiver as he tried to draw away. Unfortunately that just wasn't an option.

"Ouch!"

"Sorry!"

"Stop moving!"

"I can't breath!"

"Good!"

"Sarcasm?"

"You wish."

Sheldon sighed against her neck and Penny felt some regret. "I'm sorry sweetie. I'm just scared."

Sheldon leaned his forehead against the back of hers. "I truly regret getting us into this predicament."

Penny tilted her head to the side and leaned back on his shoulder. She could barely see his face in the gloom. "It's as much my fault as it is yours. I asked you to read the inscription. How were you to know it would do this?"

Sheldon shrugged and covertly tried to shift his pelvis further back. "I should have looked the inscription over before reading it aloud."

They were silent for a few minutes. They could still hear the shuffling and moaning outside the sarcophagus. "Sheldon? Do you think the others are okay?"

He thought about lying to her. She couldn't see his ticks. But he had always strove for honesty with Penny after the "Cousin Leo" debacle. "I do not know, Penny. I hope so, but the odds are not great."

She sniffled and leaned back against him, seeking warmth and comfort. She had no idea how long they had been trapped here. Coming here was supposed to be her birthday present. There was a month long exhibit of Egyptian artifacts at the Natural History Museum in L.A. and it had seemed like the perfect way for everyone to spend a Sunday. She loved the butterfly gardens and was really looking forward to seeing the Egyptian exhibit. Then she had asked Sheldon what an inscription on a tablet said. The moment he finished reading a cold gust of wind had burst through the room. The four mummies on display had awoken and attacked. Sheldon had quickly jumped a rope and pulled her into the now empty sarcophagus. Before it closed on them, she had seen Bernadette and Raj racing for the door. She hadn't seen what had happened to Leonard, Howard or Priya.

At some point they must have dozed off because Penny woke up to find Sheldon's arms wrapped around her tight. Her hands were over his, as if holding him close. She was wondering if she should wake him when he began to shift. The sarcophagus had been set on a specially made display stand that allowed it to be tilted back at a slight angle. Sheldon was behind her, and each shift he made caused his pelvis to brush across her bottom.

Penny's eyes went wide as she felt him become aroused. Holy frak, Sheldon was getting a hard on, and by the feel, his legs weren't the only thing long about him. She shouldn't. She couldn't. But she did. She wiggled back against him and pressed firmly. Sheldon sighed and bumped his hips forward. Penny moaned low in her throat and suddenly he was awake. And embarrassed.

"Penny?" he breathed softly. "I… I don't know what to say."

She nibbled on her lip for a moment, trying to decide what to say or do to put them both at ease. Finally, her big ol' 5 status kicked in. She began to grind against him gently. She heard him gasp at the sensation and slowly his hands slid from her stomach to her hips. She expected him to grip her hips and make her stop. Instead he pressed forward and groaned softly.

Wow! Sheldon Cooper was dry humping her, and she liked it! Going by the ragged breathing on her neck, so did he.

Sheldon was sure he was dreaming. In no universe would his beautiful and vibrant neighbor, Penny, be doing this with him. One of her hands slipped back and gripped his hip. She used her grasp to tilt him a bit to the right so he settled between her buttocks more.

Taking a huge risk, Sheldon moved his right hand up under her shirt to her breast. He slipped the lace cup up and caressed her gently. Penny's head fell back against his shoulder and she looked up at him with desire.

"Kiss me," she begged.

Sheldon could no longer resist. He had dreamed of her more times than he cared to admit. He crushed his lips to hers and began to frantically move his erection against her. He had wanted her too long to hold back. Only a minute later he erupted in his pants. Penny's tongue swept alongside his softly.

For several heartbeats the only sound was their heavy breathing. Sheldon kissed her neck gently. He didn't know what to say. Would she be angry later? She had good reason to be, he decided.

"Sheldon?"

He winced timidly. "Yes, Penny?"

"Next time, could we try that without our clothes on?" she asked silkily.

Sheldon stiffened with surprise. "Would…would you want to? With me?"

Penny nodded with a smile. "Most definitely, Sheldon."

Suddenly the lid of the sarcophagus was pulled away. Penny and Sheldon blinked at the sudden bright lights. Two museum workers reached in and helped them out of the confined space. The exhibit was a shambles. A cacophony of greeting drew their attention to one side of the room. All five of their friends were waving to them. They seemed a bit bedraggled, but unharmed. Sheldon and Penny let the EMT check them out and then headed toward their friends. Halfway there Sheldon stopped and looked down at Penny.

"Were you serious?" he asked tentatively. "About , ummm, us?"

Penny ignored the people around them. She ignored the pieces of dismembered mummies lying around. She looked only at Sheldon. "Let's go home and take a shower." Penny looked up at him wickedly. "Maybe you'd be interested in a little water conservation and share mine with me?"

Sheldon was confused for a moment until the implications hit him. Then he smiled broadly. "I believe we should all do our part to conserve."

Penny winked and tucked her arm through his. She loved the museum.


	5. Soft Kitty?

**Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur….**

* * *

:Were-Penny:

"Penny? It's Bernadette? Are you there? Listen, I think I may have dropped something from my purse at your place last night. It's a tiny vial. Whatever you do, don't open it. Okay? I'll try to catch you at work. Call me back."

Penny replayed the voice mail again and again. She wasn't sure what she was going to do about Bernadette. Kill her? Hug her? Beat her senseless? Name her first born after her? With a sigh Penny used her nose to hit the replay button again. Then she went back to staring at the bright moon outside her window.

* * *

Sheldon was a bit worried. He stared at Penny's door apprehensively. He could hear the strangest noises coming from inside. It sounded like she had a zoo inside. He looked down at the spare key in his hand and back at the door. What if some wild animal had gotten inside and mauled her? Sheldon straightened his shoulders and inserted the key into the lock. Unbeknownst to Penny and their friends, he was deeply in love with her. The thought that she was in danger was terrifying to him. Sheldon unlocked the door and flung it open.

It's a good thing I voided my bladder recently, he thought as he struggled to push the beast off him. After flinging the door open he had stepped inside cautiously. The living room was empty, so he closed the door and moved to the bedroom. He opened that door only to be knocked to the ground and blinded by golden hair. Or to be more accurate, fur.

Sheldon looked into the jade eyes staring at him so intently. Somewhere a zoo or circus was missing a lioness. How else to explain the tameness of the beast? She was sitting on his legs, paws on his thighs, purring. They had been sitting here long enough for his legs to go numb. Even if she moved now, he was unable to run away. Her tail flicked a few times and she laid her head down on her paws.

Sheldon frowned as he looked at her. Her eyes were very intelligent. Suddenly she rolled over and nudged his hand with her muzzle. He watched her tilt her head back and rub the underside of her jaw against his fingers. Oh! She wanted to be petted. Tentatively he stroked her throat and belly. Her purring got louder. Sheldon smiled and continued to pet her. Before long his eyes began to drift shut. Soon after the lioness fell asleep too, curled up next to him.

* * *

Sunlight was streaming through the window and blinding him. Sheldon grimaced and reached out to push himself up. Only his hand did not land on his bed. It landed on something soft, warm and silky. Even without opening his eyes, he knew that particular tactile sensation. His eyes shot open and he found himself staring into Penny's amused green eyes.

"This is getting to be a habit," she laughingly said. "Every time you see me naked, you grab my boob."Sheldon blushed a bright red and struggled to find something to say. "Lion!" He spoke louder than he had intended. "There was a lioness here!"

Penny shook her head. "Not exactly. That was me."

Sheldon frowned. "What?"

Penny nodded. "Bernadette dropped a vial of something on Thursday. I stepped on it last night, not knowing it was there. Apparently it's some sort of were-cat thingy. I ended up a lioness."

"You're a …Bernadette dropped ….that's just …." Sheldon was unable to organize his thoughts. A were-cat? Was that even remotely possible? Good lord! Why on earth would Bernadette even create such a serum?

""Sweetie?" He looked back down at Penny. She smiled teasingly. " You need to either let go of my boob so I can get dressed or take off your own clothes. Because the way you're squeezing is making me awfully happy."

Sheldon looked down in shock. He really was caressing her breast! Sweet sufferin' Jesus! She was going to think he was a pervert! He looked back up at her with panic. He finally jerked his hand away and immediately disappointment flashed across Penny's face.

That stopped him from stammering out an apology. She had been disappointed. Was it possible she felt desire for him? Sheldon watched her face carefully as he slowly reached back over and cupped her breast again. Penny's eyes went wide and she sucked in a deep breath. Cautiously he brushed his thumb across the areola. Penny bit down on her lip. He slid his palm up and covered the orb with his hand and she sighed softly.

Sheldon inched closer and moved his hand down across her stomach. Penny arched her back a bit. He closed the distance between them until their breaths intermingled. "Penny?" He asked a myriad of questions with that one word.

Penny's expression turned soft and inviting. He needed no further encouragement. His lips met hers and everything faded away.

* * *

Life at 2311 Los Robles was tense for awhile. Leonard was furious. Amy was too. Howard and Raj were more ambivalent. They had always been aware of the chemistry between Sheldon and Penny. Eventually, Leonard moved out. He looked up Stephanie Barnett and they were together. Amy moved away and married her Saudi prince. Bernadette never discovered what had happened to that serum she had been working on. Penny swore she had never seen it. Every full moon Penny slept in Leonard's old room. Sheldon hated it if she shed on their bed. Other than the occasional fur ball that needed disposed of, Sheldon was deliriously happy. Penny loved him. He loved Penny. They were happy together. Besides, he'd always had a soft spot for cats.


	6. He Never Planned For This

**Yes, I know most people view aliens as typically humanoid and either highly aggressive or highly intelligent. Where's the fun in that?**

* * *

:Alien Invasion:

He hated the aliens. With a cold, vicious loathing. He had spent his life watching sci-fi, reading comics and planning. He had three different scenarios for an alien invasion. One for hostile aliens, one for Vulcan-esque aliens, and one for body snatcher type aliens. Variations abounded in those papers. Carbon based, vegetative, non-corporeal, etc. He had NOT planned for this. Cute. Lovable. Cuddly. That's how the world saw them. They were vaguely dragonish, since they had long lean bodies, lithe tails, and wings, but they were squishy, like sand filled balloons, and only 5-8 inches long. They wanted sanctuary on Earth. We were closest to their home planet's solar system which was being swallowed by a black hole so they made their way here. They liked being owned, too. Wanted to be pets. Anything that got them hugs and petting. Oh how the damnable things loved to be hugged. You'd be walking along, minding your own business and one would sneak up and wrap around your arm or leg, asking for a pat on the head or a quick squeeze.

Sheldon shuddered. He paced Penny's apartment. At this moment all his friends were in 4A, watching The Avengers and hugging their F'Wendies. (Uggh! Even their species name, F'Wendi, was so innocuous and nauseating.) Penny's apartment was his only relief from the creatures. She was currently visiting her parents. Her mom had been in an accident and needed her help until she could get around on her own.

Sheldon sat down on the edge of Penny's bed. She had been gone 3 weeks, 4 days before the aliens arrived a month ago. He wondered how many she owned. He looked around her room with it's care bears, MLP's and pink bedding. He was guessing a dozen. At least.

Sheldon laid back in frustration. He could smell her grape seed oil soap on her pillow. He missed her and wished she would return. He had only heard from her twice. Once when she arrived and then a couple of days after the aliens showed up. He had lied to her then. She had asked how he liked them. Did he think of them as tribbles? He had given her a breathy laugh and said they were nice. Because he knew she would think they were. Because she was teasing and he didn't want to wreck the moment by arguing. She hadn't called since. Amy got an email from her once a week, updating her on Mrs. Queen's health and saying she'd be back "soon". "Soon" was never quantified though.

Sheldon closed his eyes and pictured her. She was his friend, and she meant a great deal to him. He had not understood until a couple of weeks ago how deep his feelings ran for her. Sheldon drifted off wondering what she was doing and if she missed him.

* * *

He awoke as soon as he felt the hand clamp over his mouth. He looked up into angry jade eyes. Sheldon tried to raise up, but she only pressed her hips down tighter. His eyes went wide as he finally noticed she was straddling him. She leaned in close.

"What are you doing here?" she asked in a gruff voice.

Sheldon glared back at her and tried to buck her off. Okay, not a smart idea, he discovered. That brought a certain part of his anatomy into contact with a certain part of her anatomy which was now resulting in an embarrassing tension in his anatomy. "I was seeking sanctuary from the F'Wendies our mutual friends seem determined to fill my apartment with."

She looked at him appraisingly. "You said they were nice."

Sheldon blushed. "I lied. I knew you would like them, and I didn't want to annoy you when you were so far away."

Penny stared at him for several seconds and then slid off him. She shook her head. "Wrong, bucko. Those little beasts creep me the fuck out." She turned and walked out of the room. Sheldon slowly stood and followed. He watched her open her suitcase and dump it on the floor. He twitched for several seconds at the pile of clothes she left on the floor. Then he watched with a perplexed air as she sifted through the clothes and pulled out a handful of under-things, a couple of shirts and two pair of jeans. Then she stood, stripped off her skirt, making him blush, unable to look away from her thong. She pulled on another pair of jeans and then moved to her bathroom. She reappeared with some lotion, soap and shampoo. She grabbed a hoodie from her couch and a pair of tennis shoes. They went into the suitcase, too.

"Penny, what are you doing?" he asked timidly.

"Getting out of here," she replied evenly. "I'm going north."

Sheldon was confused. "I don't understand."

Penny sighed and looked back at him. Suddenly she stood and grabbed his neck, pulling him down. He spasmed, wondering if she was going to kiss him. Instead she just looked in his ears and studied his eyes.

She nodded to herself and went back to her packing. "My family took in 6 of those things. They seem cute and friendly. But I saw what they are really doing. When they arrived, I was too tired and cranky to pay much attention, but a home health nurse gave mom one. I couldn't sleep so I went to get some milk and saw them. The have a tentacle thingy they stick in you ear while you sleep. It sucks a bit of life from you. Ever notice they never eat? That's why. They feed off of us. You can see small punctures in the ear and broken blood vessels in the eyes of those they feed from. They don't like the cold, so I'm going north."

Sheldon felt a measure of vindication at his dislike of them. "How do you know they don't like the cold?"

She rolled her eyes. "Think about it, Sheldon. Every day more and more people from Canada are immigrating here. Leaving their colder climate so they can have one. It's the same all over the world. Finland's population is halved. Greenland is practically empty now. So I'm headed north."

Sheldon sat for a moment and considered what she had said. He was surprised by how logical and well thought out it was. He looked at Penny with a new-found respect. She saw his expression and smirked.

"I may not be a genius, Moon Pie, but I am a survivor."

Sheldon stood quickly and hurried to the door. He paused and turned back to her. "Will you wait for me? I have an emergency bag. I will need to gather a few things to add to it. Twenty minutes, at most."

Penny nodded without looking up. "Yes," she said softly. "I'll wait for you."

* * *

They drove through California in silence. He shuddered at the seedy motel she stopped at in Oregon. Penny reached in the back and pulled out a bag with some of his freshly laundered sheets and handed it to him. He was surprised by her thoughtfulness. He hadn't even noticed her taking them. Penny checked them in and then went for some food. She brought back a pizza and they ate it while planning their route.

She fell asleep while he was using his laptop to search out gas stations and stores along their chosen route. He watched her for a long time. He had questions, but wasn't sure he dared ask them. Why hadn't she suggested taking the others? When he came out of his room with his bags he had found her standing in his living room. She was looking down at their sleeping friends calmly. The aliens had gravitated toward her, but she ignored them until one wrapped around her hand. Then she had plucked it off and shoved it in the freezer. Noticing him, she had grabbed a bag of food she had pilfered and her own luggage. Wordlessly she exited the apartment and headed down the stairs. He was surprised by the truck she walked to. She told him it was her dad's as she threw her things in the bed, except for a duffel bag and the food. Those she put in the small backseat. He had lifted his own belongings into the truck and settled in. She gassed up just outside Pasadena and they were off.

It took them six days to find a place to settle. It seems they weren't the only ones to be suspicious of the invaders. They found a small four room cabin nestled outside of Fairbanks, Alaska. Their nearest neighbor was half a mile away.

Sheldon grew more and more appreciative of Penny as time went by. She wasn't a genius, no. But she was practical. She had more realistic knowledge. String theory and quarks weren't going to help them survive out here. Penny knew how to cultivate the soil for a small garden. He knew which herbs and plants were best to grow. Penny took a job at the local grocery store to supplement the savings Sheldon had transferred to the local bank. Their expenses were small, since the cabin had a wood stove and they only used electricity for the lights and computers. Sheldon worked on his theories and took care of the house. He found he quite liked the solitude, having only Penny for company usually. They didn't encourage others to get to know them very much. Even when Penny was working, she remained aloof and distant.

His excuse was that he wasn't comfortable with strangers. He had no idea why she discouraged people. He had asked her once, after a man had approached her in the drug store to ask her to dinner. She had told the man she was married and had to get home to the children. Sheldon waited until they were in the truck to ask her about that. She shrugged. "Not interested." was her only reply.

* * *

They had been there almost a year before the rest of the world had finally caught on. By then the F'Wendi were so numerous, most countries decided to ignore it. They instead focused on the benefits of the aliens. There were no wars, everyone was at peace. Although, life spans were shortened by a considerable amount. Everyone was aging twice as fast as before. There were many different settlements in the colder parts of the world for those who didn't agree. Strangely enough, those places were peaceful too. United in their desire to just be left alone by the F'Wendi.

She was in the yard potting some new basil seedlings when he made up his mind to approach her. He was nervous, yet hopeful. Once again she had turned away a man from town. This one had come to the cabin, ignoring Sheldon, and asked her to dine with him. She sent him packing with a firm no.

He cleared his throat and drew her attention to him. "Penny, may we talk?"

She looked at him steadily and nodded. She stood and walked over to the water pump to wash off her hands. They moved onto the porch and sat down.

"Penny, why did you not want to bring the others? Leonard, Raj, Amy?"

She sighed, and looked out over the yard. "Because they would not have believed me. They were happy there. They liked the joy those things gave them."

"Why did you bring me?"

Penny looked up at him and smiled softly. "Because you asked. Because I needed you. Because you needed me."

Sheldon took a deep breath. "Is that the only reason? Necessity?"

Penny searched his expression. "What are you asking, Sheldon?"

Sheldon gathered his courage and plunged in. "Is there any possibility you could ever want me? Like I want you?"

Penny was silent for several minutes. Sheldon's nerves gave out and he jumped to his feet with embarrassment. He hurried back inside and into his bedroom. He sat down on the edge of his bed and wondered how badly he has messed up what they had built here. He wasn't surprised when he heard the truck start and pull away. He was still in his room when Penny came back an hour later. She knocked softly on his door. He thought about ignoring her knock, but she didn't give him a chance. She pushed open the door and walked over to sit beside him. She placed a small brown bag on his lap. He went to open it but she placed a hand over his.

"You surprised me Sheldon. That's why I couldn't answer you. I never imagined you would be interested in a physical relationship. Least of all with me. So, before you open that let me ask you something. Is this because you want me, or because I am convenient?"

Sheldon placed a hand on her jaw and showed her the sincerity in his eyes. "I have cared about you for a long time. I want you, and no one else." She nodded gently and indicated the bag. Sheldon opened it curiously. Prophylactics. Several boxes of them.

He looked at Penny hopefully. She smiled. "I don't think either of us is ready for kids. I haven't been on the pill for a long time. I spoke to the druggist on town and he gave me birth control but it will be at least four weeks before I feel safe enough not taking extra precautions. I also don't want to wait four weeks. I've waited years already for you."

Years, she said. She had waited for him for years. Sheldon leaned over and pressed his lips to hers. He was thrilled when she kissed him back. He was even more thrilled when she drew him over on top of her. Over time, Sheldon stopped hating the F'Wendi. After all, they gave him Penny.

* * *

**Can't you just picture Sheldon's face the first time he saw these aliens?**


	7. Fix The World

**After the alien story I realized Sheldon probably wouldn't have cared for a situation where Penny was the one with the plan. He's too much of a control freak.**

* * *

:EMP:

No one was sure who did it. All they knew for sure was that someone had. Nuclear warheads were detonated high in the atmosphere and the resulting EMPs had wiped out the world's technology.

Penny stood in the kitchen of 4A and surveyed the boys. Leonard, Howard and Raj were huddled around the table trying to build a power source. Sheldon sat at his desk and stared at his dead laptop. Her sweet, genius neighbors were lost without their gadgets. She sighed as she set out some food for them. She had scavenged canned meats and bread for sandwiches and some chips. Most stores had been looted and picked clean. She needed to get them moving. They couldn't stay here. They would starve or be killed by looters.

She set plates on the table for the trio, and moved to Sheldon's side. "Sweetie, you need to eat."

Sheldon glared. "No, what I need is to think, which I cannot do with you hovering over me."

She cringed from his anger momentarily. "Sheldon, sitting here isn't doing you any good. You have to eat to stay strong. You have to stay strong to find a way to fix this. Please. I'm worried about you."

"I don't want _you_ worrying about me. I don't want _you_ doing anything for me. I don't need _you_. None of us _need _you." Sheldon jumped up from his chair and stormed off.

Penny leaned against his desk for a moment. She peeked over at the others and saw their looks of pity. It was too much for her. She walked out and went into her own apartment. Penny leaned against her door. In the two weeks since the EMP he had been getting steadily more hateful and angry with her. Only with her. He still treated the guys the same. He still treated Amy and Bernadette the same. It was only her he wanted gone. She looked into the bedroom where her two girlfriends slept peacefully.

Penny had to leave. She couldn't stand the way he treated her anymore. Sheldon didn't need or want her. She felt her heart break as she replayed his words. Silently she gathered a few possessions. The first Penny Blossom he had made. The photos of them at Disneyland. The photos of the guys at the Renaissance Fair and one of the three women at a club. A couple bottles of water and a handful of granola bars also went into her bag. She changed into jeans, a long sleeved thermal shirt she had filched from him without his knowledge, and comfortable sneakers. She shoved her hair up into a hat and walked to the counter. She left a short note and walked away.

She was confident Amy and Bernadette would take care of the boys. They were as sensible as she was when it came to survival. Penny walked down the stairs without looking back. If she did, she wouldn't be able to go. If she had, she would have seen a teary Raj watching her go.

* * *

Raj didn't tell them until the next morning. He had watched her go and then found her note. He put it in his pocket and waited. He wanted to give her plenty of time. She deserved that, at the very least. It was nearing lunch time and the group was starting to get worried. They were used to Penny being gone for hours. She was often scavenging, and that took time, but she had never been gone this long. Amy was just posing the suggestion that they should go look for her when Raj stood and pulled the paper from his pocket. He cleared his throat and began reading.

_I'm not wanted here. I don't know why, but since it seems to be the case, I have decided to remove myself. Please take care of each other, and of Sheldon. He doesn't always look after himself as well as he should. He shoulders too much of the weight of the world. I wish you all the best. Know that though I leave with a heavy heart, I'll never forget you all. I love you all. But I never really fit in, I guess. _

Raj folded the note again and shoved it in Sheldon's hands. Amy was weeping softly, while the others just looked shocked. Bernadette looked at her husband sadly.

"What did she mean she wasn't wanted?" she asked sadly.

Howard glared at Sheldon's retreating back. "It's what he said. He screamed it at her yesterday. She wasn't needed, or wanted here." They heard Sheldon's bedroom door slam shut. "He just snapped at her, like he's been doing for days. Tore her down just because she tried to get him to eat."

A loud crashing noise startled them. They rushed back to Sheldon's room. More loud bangs made them jump. Slowly Leonard reached out and opened the door. Sheldon had destroyed his room. The DNA model was overturned, he had pulled down his book shelves. Sheldon stood in the middle of the room, fists clenched at his side.

"I lied," he said softly. "I do need her. I do want her. I shouldn't though. All my plans. All my preparations. It should be me protecting the group, providing for us. Providing for her. But I couldn't. She is the strong one."

Amy moved into the room, careful of the broken piece of lamp. "Sheldon, you said you want her. You love her, don't you?"

He hesitated before he turned to face them all. The stark pain and despair in his eyes was hard to look at. "Since the moment I met her. But Leonard claimed her first. It took a long time to realize how wrong that was. I had never wanted to love anyone, so I fought it. I love her regardless. What do I do?"

Leonard took a deep breath. "We fix the world. Then we find her."

* * *

She was sitting in her tiny garden sipping tea when she saw them coming up the road. It had been 8 years but she had no trouble recognizing them. Two years ago the machines had begun working again. It took another year before she found out the guys she had known had played a huge role in that, along with engineers from across the world. Not that she cared about the technology. She had carved out a small home for herself here in Kentucky. A cousin had a large tract of land and had given her a corner of it. She had her little house, just a large 12X16 preassembled storage barn, really. But she had converted it. She put in insulation and walls. Her neighbor helped her run pipes for a hand pumped sink. It was only large enough for a tiny kitchen, a tiny bathroom, a loft bed over the bathroom, a small table and an armchair. A wood stove provided heat and a way to cook. She had a small garden and a couple of chickens. She had gotten the idea from a magazine she had seen. Some article about Tiny Homes. She loved it. It was hers.

She stayed in her seat as they came closer. She looked them over carefully. They had all aged. Raj was smiling at her. Howard and Bernadette were holding hands. Surprisingly, so were Leonard and Amy. Amy was changed the most. Her hair was shorter, she wore slacks and a blouse, not the layers she once bundled up in. Sheldon had a bit of gray at his temples and a Flash t-shirt. When they reached the small fence that she had her beans growing against, she stood.

Everyone stopped just inside the fence. Except Sheldon. She watched warily as he strode forward with purpose. She opened her mouth to say hello, but he grabbed her around the waist and jerked her forward. In an instant she found herself crushed against him as he kissed her senseless. Everything dropped away but the two of them. She wrapped her arms around his neck and relaxed into him. She had no idea how long he held her. Minutes? Hours? Days? All she knew was that she never wanted him to let go. If this was a dream, she never wanted to wake up.

Slowly he dragged his lips across her cheek to her neck. "Penny, Penny, Penny," he whispered. "I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I came as soon as I could."

She pulled away and smiled up at him. She had grown a lot in the last eight years. "Took you long enough."

* * *

**The first time I saw Tiny Homes, I was in love. They're like the little club house I had as a kid. My dad made it from scrap plywood and old doors from an apartment house that he helped demolish. I used that little house until I was 15 and discovered boys. ***_**cough, gasp, mumbled number**_*** years later and I miss it. **


	8. Baby, It's Cold Outside

**Baby it's cold outside.**

* * *

:Blizzard:

She was just crossing the lounge when she saw him. He was standing near the window, shaking like a leaf. She paused for a moment and wondered if she should say something to him. Nebraska hospitality dictated she should, but she had spent the last 5 years in Pasadena, California, and there she had learned quickly that you minded your own business.

Penelope sighed. Poor guy looked so lost and forlorn. She walked over and stood beside him, looking out the window, like he was.

"Hi. I'm Penelope. Penelope Queen. What's your name?" she asked casually. Better to test the waters and see if he even wanted to talk.

He glanced at her for a second and then blushed. She smiled, it was kind of cute. She looked him over covertly. At least 6 foot tall, a bit on the lean side, graceful hands, and loveliest eyes she had ever seen on a guy.

"Doctor Sheldon Cooper," he mumbled.

"So where you off to," she asked.

"Home to Galveston, Texas," he said with a sigh. "Just finished shipping my things from California. I should have been home by now, but this storm diverted my plane."

She nodded. "I'm headed for Pasadena, myself. Just got through visiting my family and now I'm supposed to be going home. This little snow squall diverted my plane too." She looked out the window at the thick curtain of flakes. "Well, the shuttles are ready to take us to the hotels. You coming?"

Sheldon shook his head. "I was unable to secure a room. They went fairly quickly."

Penelope was not one given to impulse, usually. However, there was something about this guy that called out to her. Maybe the loneliness in his eyes, or the tight way he held himself. Like he was flinching from the world. Slowly she slipped her hand into his. He looked at her with startled eyes, so she smiled reassuringly. She turned and pulled him along with her toward the lobby where they would find the buses waiting.

Sheldon waited for the panic to set in, but it eluded him. Instead he followed her, as if it was commonplace. She was beautiful, but beauty had never swayed him before. She spoke softly, sensitively, as if she knew him. They entered the line for the transports, and she squeezed his hand gently. Sheldon faced forward shyly. What was she doing? What was _he _doing?

They boarded the second bus and took a seat in the middle. She gave him the window seat, seeming to instinctively know he would be uncomfortable with people brushing past him in the aisle. She spent the 15 minute drive watching him calmly. He wanted to ask her why she had brought him along.

Once they disembarked she took his hand again. Together they walked inside and waited in line. When they reached the desk she gave her name and the clerk handed her a key card. They bypassed the elevators and walked up to the second floor. They found room 211 easily enough and she opened the door. Sheldon's eyes were immediately drawn to the full size bed. The only bed.

Penelope shut the door and hung her coat up. She set her purse on the small vanity and turned to Sheldon. He looked like a deer in the headlights. She smile softly and reached out to unbutton his coat. He watched her carefully, a mixture of curiosity, confusion and fear. She hung his coat up beside hers and took his hand again. She led him to the bed and he sat on the edge. Then she walked around to the other side and sat down. She untied her boots and slipped them off. Sheldon followed her lead and soon the two of them were sitting side by side, backs against the headboard. They talked for hours about nothing in particular. Movies they had seen, books they had read, their families. She told him about her job as restaurant manager. He told her about the sabotaged his 'friends' had done to his work which is why he had moved back to Galveston. It was nearing midnight when Penelope started to yawn. She scooted down in the bed and pulled the blanket up over them.

"Come on, sweetie. We're both tired. Let's get some sleep."

He hated sleeping in his clothes, but she was right. He was tired. He glanced over at her and found her watching him carefully. Her hand came up and smoothed his hair back from his face. He had the sudden urge to tangle his fingers in her gold locks.

Tentatively he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. Penelope melted against him instantly. Her hands were soft and silky against his skin. His five o'clock shadow was scratchy against her breast. Mouths and tongue moved in unison. Limbs entwined under the blanket. His long fingers pressed hard into the flesh of her hips when she rose up over him. Her nails scored long red lines down his back when he pressed her into the mattress.

She snuggled closer and laid her head on his shoulder. Soon she was asleep. Sheldon watched her for a long time. He was surprised when she started to snore lightly. He grinned. Not so perfect after all. With that last thought he too fell asleep.

They were woken up by a call from the front desk at 8am. The runways were clear and their flights would be leaving within the hour. They took turns with the shower and then silently walked back down to the hotel lobby to await the bus. Sheldon glanced down at their intertwined hands and blushed. What was happening to him? He had always been above carnal desires.

Penelope felt her heart grow heavier as they neared the airport. She didn't want this, whatever it was, to end. The bus dropped them off and they made their way to the departure gates. They reached his first. Sheldon stopped and looked down into her bright hazel eyes.

There was so much he wanted to say. After a moment he bent his head and pressed his lips to hers gently. "Thank you," he whispered. Then he turned and walked away.

She watched him walk through the gate and disappear. "Thank you," she whispered back.

* * *

**For wolfofsheep who said I should surprise her. **


	9. Gonna Need A Bigger Epipen

**This one took 4 days to write. I kept creeping myself out. That's why there are no arachnids in this story. I would have given myself a heart attack.**

* * *

:BUGS!:

She flew into the apartment, slammed the door behind her, and locked it. Then she turned and leaned against it, trying to hold the tiny towel closed as she gasped for breath. She looked at the others with wide eyes wondering why they were so busy staring at her. Howard smirked and stood.

"Ah, fair Penny. You appear to be in distress. Can I be of service?" He wiggled his hips obscenely. Before he could say anything else a blushing Sheldon was before her holding out the robe he had just been wearing.

"You appear to be distressed," he said worriedly. "What is wrong?"

Penny looked at him like he was insane. "Distress? Uh, yeah! How could I not be?"

She paid no attention to Sheldon's fluttering hands as he tried in vain to work the robe around her body. She looked around the room again. They were just staring at her. Her eyes flickered to the window and she moaned. Sheldon jumped back as if scalded, robe dangling from his fingers.

Raj followed her line of sight and gave a squeak. It was just loud enough to get the attention of the other three men off Penny and onto him. They frowned and turned to see what he was pointing at. A beautiful red and gold butterfly was resting on the window. That wasn't the cause for their sudden worry though. The fact that is was about 8 feet tall was.

Sheldon turned back to Penny and jerked her forward, against him. He quickly slid the robe up her arms, causing her to drop the towel. With only a slight hitch in his breath, he tied it securely and drew her away from the door. She twisted a fist in his flannel pajama shirt and followed him meekly.

The butterfly flew off and they were able to see down the street. A bumble bee the size of a van flew by. A ladybug covered the roof of a building down the block. Penny whimpered into Sheldon's shirt.

"There's a beetle behind the building. It's big enough to fly up and block my bathroom window."

Well, that explains her lack of clothes, Sheldon thought. Sheldon felt a rush of blood to his lower anatomy, but tried to suppress it. There were bigger things to think about than his attraction to Penny or the fact she was almost naked. Like that, he thought, as a 5 foot wasp came into view.

Leonard moved away and turned on the TV. Immediately they found a news report. It seemed the meteor shower in Alaska had brought with it some sort of gamma-like radiation. Now arthropods were mutating as the radiation slowly spread across the skies. According to initial reports, it appeared to be limited to winged varieties of insect.

"Holy frak," Howard murmured. "Sheldon, you're gonna need an bigger epi-pen."

Sheldon guided Penny down the hall and opened his door. He grabbed his Thursday pajamas and held them out. Penny just stared at them like she didn't understand. She was in shock, he realized. He took a steadying breath and sat her on his bed. He bent and slid her smooth legs inside them and helped her rise up. He closed his eyes, hoping she wouldn't freak out and pulled the pants up and secured them tight around her waist. Her eyes were glazed as she stood there. Sheldon's hands trembled slightly as he untied the robe and grabbed the top. He slipped her arms into the sleeves, unable to look away this time. He buttoned each button timidly and then released the breath he was holding. Sheldon and Penny walked back out into the living room. The others looked away from the TV to watch Penny as she hesitated on the step.

"I saw it kill a man," she whispered. Sheldon's eyes went wide. Hers were unfocused. "The beetle. It snapped it's pincers around him and killed him. Then it flew up and landed on my window." She looked up at him now, lost and scared. "He didn't even have time to scream."

Sheldon watched as Leonard tried to hug her. She stood still in his arms, not returning the embrace. After 8 seconds (not that Sheldon was counting) Leonard noticed how awkward it was and finally pulled away. As soon as he released her she moved over to the couch. She slipped into the tiny space between Howard and Raj, slipping her arms through theirs to keep them close. Sheldon watched as she trembled. She was terrified. So terrified, in fact, she was seeking comfort from even Howard. Even more surprising, Howard was patting her hand soothingly and not making even the slightest innuendo.

She looked over at him and took a deep breath. "What do we do, Sheldon?"

He tried to smile encouragingly. "For the moment, nothing. When it gets dark, we will need to gather a few things and leave. These buildings aren't very safe, with such large windows. Most of these insects are dormant at night, it will be safer then to find better shelter. I suggest the university. There are large food stores, plenty of water, space and we are liable to find others also seeking shelter. We have several hours to wait, so I suggest that for now, we keep watching the news and our windows. I'll prepare a couple of bags to take with us."

Penny stood, tugging the two men with her. "I need some clothes. I can't go anywhere, with pajamas constantly falling down my hips." She looked over at Sheldon again and smiled softly. "Thank you for them, sweetie. I'm very grateful." Sheldon nodded with a smile and watched her hurry across to her own apartment, dragging their friends with her. She made Raj stand guard in the hallway, while Howard watched out the living room windows. She felt like an idiot, a cowardly, cringing idiot, but she couldn't help it. She kept seeing that man in the alley. The fear, pain and sudden stillness. She had seen the life drain out of his face. Watched every ounce of life slip out of him. Suddenly she collapsed on the floor, tears streaming down her cheeks. She wiped the tears from her face and sighed. Then she tilted her head. She could just see the corner of the leather case under her bed. Slowly she dragged it out. Penny smiled as she swept away the dust covering the top.

Quickly she stood and slid on some jeans. She shoved her feet into sneakers and laid the case on her bed. She opened it up pulled out the two compact Storm Berettas and shoved her wallet, a few shirts, a pair of jeans an a handful of underwear inside. There wasn't enough room, so she removed the shirts, and closed it. She slipped off her tee and slid into a thermal shirt left over from her life in Omaha. She slipped her tee over it and grinned. She was dressed like Sheldon. Except her pants weren't plaid. She reached into her closet and pulled out the shoulder holster for the guns. She checked them, loaded them and slid them into the holster. She threw on a thin jacket and zipped it up halfway. She picked up the small case and walked into the living room. She was from Nebraska, dammit. She placed third in junior rodeo. She had spent her early years in the woods with a rifle and a bowie knife. She was not going to let a beetle be her undoing.

"Let's go, boys," she said loudly. They both looked at her with relief. Penny was back to her old self. Long live Queen P.


	10. His Princess

**She was important to him. He was important to the world.**

* * *

:Drought:

He sat by her bed and held her hand gently. He dare not apply too much pressure. She was wasting away before his very eyes. Her skin, once glowing with good health was now paper thin and fragile. Her cheeks were sunken and her lips chapped. Her hair was lank and lifeless. She opened her eyes and tried to smile at him.

"How's it going Moon Pie?" Her voice was raspy and weak.

Sheldon reached for the water bottle but she shook her head.

"No," she gasped out. "Don't waste it."

Sheldon laid his head on the mattress and sobbed. "Please, Penny. You can't leave me."

"Want to hear a story?" she asked softly. "Once upon a time there was this princess. She was cute and perky. She lived in a castle with her best friends. One was a troll named Wolowitz. Not pleasant to look at, but he had a good heart. There was a minstrel named Koothrappali. He played a flute and danced all day. There was a hunchback named Hofstadter who was whiny, but he provided them all with food. And there was a great wizard named Sheldor. He was brave and smart. The princess loved him best of all. Because he looked beyond her appearance, to the lonely little girl inside. He watched over her, and cared for her. One day there was a disaster. All the water in the kingdom disappeared. The villagers were devastated. The princess knew that the wizard could fix it though, if he just had enough time. But time was short. So she planned. She saved her rations of water and hid it away. When the time came, she would be able to provide him with water to keep going until he found a solution." Sheldon gasped, but Penny kept taking. "See, whatever happened to her, she needed him to live on. She was just a spoiled princess. But him? He was special. He was important. The princess was fading away, but with her dying breath she told him where the water was she had hid."

Penny looked up into Sheldon's eyes. "I don't know the rest. Sheldon? Do you think the wizard succeeded?"

Sheldon dashed away the tears in his eyes. "Yes, Penny. He saves the kingdom. But he grieves for the princess. He loves her, you know."

Penny smiled tenderly. "She loved him too." Penny was overtaken by a coughing spell that left her even weaker. Sheldon felt her pulse stutter. "Sweetie, my closet ..." Her pulse stuttered again and then stopped altogether.

He sat there until she was cold. Then he drew up the blanket and covered her completely. With a heavy heart he moved to the closet and opened it up. He moved the clothes and shoes and looked at the back wall carefully. A small steel hoop was set to one side. He tugged it and gasped. From floor to ceiling she had stacked bottles and jugs of water. If rationed carefully, there was enough for at least a year. Sheldon sank to the floor and cried. She had sacrificed her life for his.

**8 Months Later, Washington D.C.**

Sheldon looked out the window of his office. The view of the Potomac River was breathtaking. Granted the river was little more than a narrow creek at the moment, but soon it would be a full size river again. He looked at the picture frame in his hands. He was holding his Nimoy napkin, and she was wearing that silly santa hat. Her arm was around his shoulder and they were both smiling. Him from the joy of his gift, and her, because she was just happy he had hugged her.

"I did it, Penny," he whispered. "You said I could and I did. I miss you so much, princess." A single tear slid down his face as he turned back to the vista before him.


	11. Birthday Surprise

**Jislane asked for an Aliens inspired fic. I hope this satisfies. ;)**

* * *

:The Egg:

Penny practically skipped up the steps with the package from the Fed-Ex guy. This was going to be the biggest birthday surprise ever for one Leonard Hofstadter. She unlocked her door and hurried inside. She threw her coat down on the couch and grabbed a pair if scissors to open the package with. She opened the brown bag and peered inside.

Ewww! Was it supposed to look like that? Penny grabbed her laptop and googled the item. "Huh," she mumbled. "I guess so. Well, it's not like I have to look at it long. And that's all that matters."

Penny wrapped it up in Star Wars paper, and added a bright green bow on top. An hour later she heard her guys walking up the steps, so she slipped into the hall behind them and followed them into 4A.

"Good afternoon, Penny," Sheldon said, hanging up his jacket.

She smiled a greeting at him. Then she turned to Leonard and held out the gift. "Happy birthday, Leonard! I know you said no party, but you never said no gift!"

Leonard smiled broadly and took the box. He set it down on the coffee and hugged Penny tightly. Penny smiled with anticipation and hugged him back.

Leonard peeled off the paper and opened the box. His eyes got really wide and he looked at her in surprise. "Is this what I think it is?"

Sheldon stepped forward to look, but Penny grabbed his arm and pulled him over beside her. "I know a guy who works for the special effects company that did those movies," she said. "He guaranteed that it's authentic."

Sheldon glared at her hand on his arm, but Penny kept a tight grip on him. Leonard reached into the box and pulled out a greenish slimy egg. Sheldon's jaw dropped.

"A Xenomorph egg replica!" he said in awe.

Suddenly the thing popped open and a tentacle shot out and wrapped around Leonard's neck. Sheldon shrieked and grabbed onto Penny. In only seconds the hugger was wrapped tight around Leonard's face due to his lack of upper body strength for fighting it off. Penny smiled smugly as Leonard slipped into a xeno-induced coma.

Sheldon trembled and grabbed for his phone. Penny took it from his nerveless fingers and shoved it in her pocket. He looked at her in shock. "Penny! What are you doing! We have to get him help!"

Penny shrugged. "I told him it was authentic. As many times as he's watched those movies, he should have known better than to touch it."

Sheldon's mind suddenly focused on Penny like a laser. "You knew it would do this," he said in horror.

Penny's eyes turned cold as ice. "He also should have known I'd kill him if he ever cheated on me." Penny turned to Sheldon. "By the way, you're gonna need a new assistant. I fed yours to the meat grinder in the cafeteria. I'd avoid the chili tomorrow if I was you."

Penny turned and walked out of the apartment calmly. Sheldon looked at Leonard and then back at Penny's apartment. "And they worried about me turning evil," he said as he went about setting up for Halo night.


	12. Wrecked

**Sometimes we chose the easy path instead of the one we really want to take.**

* * *

:Wrecked:

Death by coconut? Tie him to drift wood with vines and watch sharks eat him? Maybe bend down a palm tree and use it like a catapult to launch him over the cliff? Penny glared down at her hands as she plotted. It wouldn't do to let him see his demise in her expression. It might put him on guard. She viciously carved another notch into the scrap of wood and tried to tune him out.

* * *

He wanted to stop talked. He knew he should stop talking. He just didn't know _how_ to stop talking. Sheldon sighed as he lashed the ferns together tighter. The winds were devastating to their little hut. 41 days ago Penny had won a weekend deep sea fishing trip. 34 days ago she had convinced him to go with her. Leonard had offered, but with their recent break-up, Penny didn't want to take him. No way was she taking Howard who she had tried to teach to fish. Raj was out of town. So, Sheldon had said yes. He had liked fishing with Poppa Cooper, Meemaw's husband. Besides, it seemed like he and Penny never did anything together anymore. They had been shipwrecked for 22 days now.

* * *

She should have just went alone. Just because the trip was for two didn't mean she _had_ to take someone along. But no, she had asked Sheldon _"I Know Everything, And I'm Going To Tell You About It" _Cooper. The first day was fun, she admitted. She had reeled in a nice marlin, and Sheldon had snagged two big eye tuna. Then a freak storm had hit. The ship had sunk. Only the two of them had washed up on the sand. Sheldon thought they were on a small islet near Anacapa Island. He also thought this was her fault. And that they would die here. And that she had built their campfire wrong. And so on and so on. Anything and everything she said or did was met with criticism and correction.

* * *

Why was it so hard to just say "Penny, I apologize. I'm scared and taking it out on you"? Instead, every time he opened his mouth, a lecture came out. Sheldon went to check the trap he had built and set up in a sheltered area of the tiny cove. He was pleased to find a couple of small fish and three crabs. Penny would like that. Maybe a peace offering of fresh crab meat would make up for his behavior.

* * *

She watched him cooking over the fire, but kept her distance. She definitely didn't want another lecture on the proper way to cook a fish or eat it. She lay down on the sand and watched the sky get darker. She was starting to doze off when she felt the sand shift around her. She looked up the see Sheldon settling down behind her. He looked at her worriedly and then sighed. Penny was shocked when he laid down and hugged her from behind.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled into her hair.

Penny turned and hugged him. "Me, too."

Sheldon looked at her for several seconds before slowly dipping his head and capturing her lips. Penny froze for a heartbeat and then kissed him back. Within moments hands touched and caressed and roamed while mouths licked, nibbled and kissed. It wasn't until Sheldon was between her legs, pressing his khaki covered pelvis against her jean cover one that he realized what they were doing. He froze and pushed away from her. A couple of heartbeats later she nodded her understanding. Penny's hands unsteadily refastened his pants, while his hands slowly pulled her shirt back down.

Neither of them said a word as they regained control of their hormones. After several minutes Penny rolled back over onto her side. She closed her eyes and gradually drifted off to sleep.

Sheldon stayed awake for a long time, watching her sleep. What if they were stranded here permanently? Surprisingly that thought made his pulse speed back up a bit. He tucked her hair behind her ear and leaned down to place a tender kiss on her brow. Guiltily he looked at her closely to see if she had noticed. He laid back down and laid his hand on her waist. Before long he was asleep, also.

Sheldon and Penny woke up startled. Hands were grabbing at them! They fought back for a couple of seconds before they realized there were other people beside them.

"Sheldon Cooper and Penny Queen?" a portly older gentleman asked. "We've been looking for you two for almost a month! We were about to give up when we saw the smoke!"

* * *

It took eight hours to get home. Half of which was spent getting checked out by doctors or answering questions from the media. Leonard and Amy came to get them. They spent the drive home listening to them talk about how much they were missed, how glad everyone was that they were rescued, and how happy they must be to be home again.

The media found a new story within 24 hours and they were able to get back to their lives. Penny resumed her class, Sheldon resumed his job. But something had changed now. They never spoke of what had almost happened. They rarely spent any time together. Whenever one of their friends mentioned this, they shrugged it off. They both always gave the same answer. "Sometimes life gets in the way."

Eventually Penny moved out. She finished college and got a job in Burbank as a grade school teacher. Sheldon married Amy the year after that. Two years later Penny got an invitation in the mail for a banquet at Cal-Tech to celebrate Sheldon winning his Nobel. She didn't go. Instead, she took a trip. She chartered a boat and went back to that little island. She spent the weekend swimming, fishing and lying on the beach at night.

When Amy wrote her an email describing the banquet and speeches and asking why she didn't come to the party, Penny sent her a one line reply. "Sometimes life gets in the way."


	13. Falling Rain

**It's raining cats and dogs, thanks to Howard.**

* * *

:Flood:

She sighed heavily and pressed her cheek against the glass. She jumped as a hand appeared in front of her face suddenly. She looked up the long sinewy arm and into his crystal blue eyes. He put a finger to his lips and beckoned her up. Intrigued, Penny took his hand and followed him as he tiptoed around their sleeping friends. They slipped out of the door and down the steps. Sheldon was grinning mysteriously, and she was dying to ask him what was going on, but when she opened her mouth, he put his hand over it. The tingle left behind by his fingers as they lingered on her cheek was enough to keep her quiet.

They reached the ground floor and Sheldon pushed open the door. Before they went through he pulled her close and kissed her just under the ear. "Our time," he whispered.

Penny shivered with delight. None of their friends knew about them, and that's the way they wanted to keep it. Ever since the Council had moved them all into the Cube, Penny and Sheldon had maintained the illusion of friendship in front of everyone else. Their times together were few and far between, but that just made them all the more special.

The rain was warm, a steady drizzle that had been going on for 53 days now. Two months ago Howard had used his alchemy to create what he thought would be the perfect weather predictor. Turned out to be a perfect weather inducer. Then it short circuited and now they had an endless rain. The guys had been trying to fix the old one or make a new one ever since, but for some reason, they were failing. Sheldon slipped his arm around her shoulders and they moved swiftly up the sidewalk.

Penny paid little attention to the other people as they hurried along. It was frowned upon to mingle with others. Cubes were designed to be separate, self-contained worlds. Each one had an even number of people. Each person brought a different skill to the table. For example in theirs, Leonard was a wiz with electronics. Raj was an expert cook, Howard had an okay grasp on the alchemy, but he was getting better with practice. Bernadette could heal almost anything. Stephanie was always looking for something to clean. Priya was their go-between for the their Cube and the Council. Sheldon was the Claviger, basically he was their keeper, who made sure everything got done. She was their Cerebus, their protector.

Sheldon glanced around and made sure they were alone. Then he pulled her off the path and across the grass of the park. Suddenly she knew exactly where they were going and her heart sped up. They moved swiftly and reached the fence on the far side in moments. They quickly found the loose boards and squeezed through. Once on the other side, they slowed somewhat. There were no sentries here. No one would come along and question them.

They followed a small path through the trees until they reached a large pond. Penny looked at Sheldon in awe. The small meadow they usually came to was gone. Sheldon nodded with a wicked grin. "Completely flooded. Feel like a little swim?" Penny's eye sparkled mischievously.

Nimble fingers divested them of their clothes in seconds. Hand in hand they slipped into the cool water. Sheldon pulled her to him and slid his hands under her hips and lifted her up. Little by little he slid inside her. Penny let her head fall back as her arms clung to his shoulders. They moved leisurely, taking their time. Teasing kisses, tender touches, words of love murmured softly in each others ears. The gentle rain fell around them as they lost themselves in each others embrace.

* * *

"Where have you two been?" Bernadette asked when they returned two hours later. Sheldon handed Howard a fresh supply of chalk and sulfur for his work and Penny held up two bags containing Thai food.

"Everyone was asleep, so we decided to run out for supplies," Penny said casually. She passed out the meals and sat down on the sofa.

"Penny, you're in my spot," Sheldon said sternly.

Penny rolled her eyes. "Whack-a-doodle," she groused in an irritated voice. Everyone ate while watching the new filmivision release Leonard had bought about a giant lizard destroying Japan. When it was over, Penny retired to her unit to sleep and Sheldon went to his to log his daily reports.

Priya looked around the room at the others. "Are we ever going to tell them we know they are bonded?"

Leonard smiled and shook his head. "And spoil their fun? That wouldn't be very nice."

The others nodded and smiled. Why mess with a good thing?


	14. Unable To Let Go

**Sometimes it's hard to let go.**

* * *

:Resurrection:

Sheldon wiped the sweat from his brow and placed the last stitch carefully. With a sigh he moved back to look over his work. Meticulous stitches, 3,645 of them to be exact, criss-crossed over her body. Sheldon gently ran his fingers through her golden hair. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss to her forehead. "Soon."

* * *

The group was pretty lifeless. Leonard spent most of his time looking off in the distance. Howard had retreated inside himself, rarely speaking to anyone. Raj was apt to burst into tears at the slightest thing. Sheldon picked at his food and wondered once again if he should say something to them. If he should bring them into the secret.

No. Better to be sure, first. There was no sense in getting their hopes up if he failed. He felt sickened by that thought. He would not fail. He could not fail. It was too important. She was too important to them. He had to bring Penny back. There was no other option.

She had been on her way to get him. He had worked late, and Leonard was on a blind date. She had stopped at a red light and some joy riding teens had slammed into her. She lingered, broken and bruised, for 18 days in intensive care. Sheldon had argued, pleaded and threatened, but her parents chose to not resuscitate.

That night he had broken into the morgue and stolen her body. Overworked hospital staff never even noticed him. Her parents were distraught at her body's disappearance, but Sheldon had little compassion. They had killed her just as surely as those teens had.

* * *

The storage room at Cal-Tech wasn't Sheldon's only secret retreat. He had another. One he rarely visited. Now he had put it to good use. It had been almost midnight before he was able to sneak away from the apartment. It was close to 1am now. He attached the conductors securely and picked her up gently. Slowly he lowered her into the vat of gel that keep the high levels of electricity from scorching her skin. Sheldon caressed her cheek and then hurried to the controls. He said a silent prayer to a god he didn't believe in and began pumping electricity through her body.

The news spread all over the world. A modern day Frankenstein they said. There were no security camera in the basement of Cal-Tech, so it was all speculation. However, the story itself was weird enough not to need much embellishment. A fire alarm sounded when smoke from under the basement door was noticed by the cleaning crew. Firemen found them first. Police were called in, and then the F.B.I. The university tried to keep it quiet at first, fearing scandal, but too many had seen it. Dr. Sheldon Cooper laying on the floor, his body badly burned. In a large glass aquarium lay the missing body of Penny Queen. Sheldon had tried to resurrect her. A computer chip in the control panel had failed. The overload of electricity had caused the panel to spark and catch fire. From his positioning, it was obvious that instead of immediately getting to safety, Sheldon had tried to get her out first.

His official cause of death was smoke inhalation. The burns had been postmortem. Among their friends the cause of death was love. He had loved Penny too much to let her go.


	15. The Message

**A cautionary warning from Howard?**

* * *

:The Message:

Penny blew on the nail polish and regarded the color critically. For something called Princess Pink it was pretty orange-ish to her. She reached for the polish remover and some cotton balls. Suddenly the lights flashed and went out. "Damn!"

Penny sighed and rubbed her temple. Could her day get any more sucky? Or her week? Leonard, the little bastard, had broken up with her. For Sheldon's assistant. Seems he liked being chased. Made him feel powerful. She knew it was her pride more than her heart that hurt, but it still hurt. She had tried to love him the way he wanted. She did love him. She just wasn't _in love_ with him. Then Amy had called her. Apparently her fiancé in some desert somewhere had finally had enough. He was demanding she move there and marry him or lose her funding. Amy didn't know which she loved more, science or Sheldon.

Penny was trying to stay out of it. It wasn't her decision to make. When she had approached Sheldon and asked how he was doing, he had glared at her and walked away without a word. Penny stood and walked over to the window. The whole street was blacked out. She was about to look for some candles when a flash of light behind her made her jump.

Penny turned as gaped. "Howard?"

It _was_ Howard. Only it wasn't. This Howard was older. He had grey hair and was stooped a bit. His wrinkled eyes were sad and scared.

"Penny?" he wheezed. "Oh, thank heaven! It worked! I made it back!" Howard smiled gently. "I had forgotten how pretty you were."

Penny stepped closer, fear coursing through her. "Howard? What happened? You look 80!"

He smiled and cackled. "Really? Cause I'm 104!" He watched her wistfully. "Penny, I can't stay. Raj and I think this will only last a few minutes. You have to find Sheldon. You two messed up. You left after the breakup with Leonard and Sheldon was all alone. He eventually lost his mind and went evil. He's almost destroyed our world now. You could have stopped it. It was losing you that did it. He loved you so much. He just never knew it until it was too late. Please, Penny. I know you love him. Don't let it happen again!"

Penny could only gasp and stare as the image of Howard faded. "Howard! Wait!" she screamed. She reached out for him but he was gone. Penny collapsed on the floor. What had just happened? How was that possible?

She tried to think it through. She had left, he said. Sheldon had been all alone, and he had gone insane. Because she left? Or because he was alone? Why was he alone? Had Amy chosen her sheik? Sheldon. Penny sobbed. He couldn't be evil! He just couldn't. Not her Sheldon! Penny froze as she realized what she had thought. _Her Sheldon._

Yeah, she loved him. She had always loved him. But that was a fool's dream. She had known from the first day they met that he would never want her. She was pretty, sure, but she wasn't smart enough for him. She wasn't good enough for him. He was special. Not just a genius. Not just a man. He was destined for great things. World changing things. She had no spot in that.

_He loved you so much. _That was what the future Howard had said. Was it true? Could he love her? Slowly Penny stood up and made her way to the door. She opened it slowly and looked across the hall. She walked over and knocked on the door three times. After a moment Sheldon opened it with a frown.

"Penny? Why are you knocking?" he asked. "You never knock."

Penny took a steady breath. "Sheldon, I love you. I always have. I know I'm nowhere near good enough for you, and I don't expect you to reciprocate. But I want you to know how I feel. I've put it off for too long. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you, if you asked. And as long as you want, I'll be there for you." Penny leaned up and quickly placed a kiss on his lips before hurrying back to her own apartment.

Sheldon tentatively touched his lips. Penny had said she loved him. She had kissed him. She said she had always loved him, but she wasn't good enough. Sheldon stared at her door for several minutes.

Penny was curled up on her bed sobbing when the bedroom door opened. She sat up quickly and brushed away the tears. Sheldon moved over and pushed her hair back from her face. He sat down facing her and stared into her eyes.

"Why aren't you good enough?" he asked softly.

Penny looked down. "You know why, Sheldon. Because I'm not smart. Because I've been with a lot of guys. Because I'm a failed actress with a crappy waitress job, and you are a genius unraveling the mysteries of the universe. You're smart and handsome, and gifted, and you could have any girl you wanted."

Sheldon tilted her chin up so she was looking at him. "What if I said there's only been one woman I ever wanted? A messy, chaotic, stubborn woman who steals my onion rings, sits in my spot and keeps me awake nights wishing she was mine."

Penny stared at him in astonishment. "Sheldon?" she whispered longingly.

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. Almost instantly they were wrapped in each other's arms. Long after the lights came back on, they lay on the bed, just holding each other. Penny told him about the visit from the future Howard. Sheldon frowned at first. He would become evil?

"Penny, is that why you told me you love me? To stop me from being evil?"

She shook her head against his chest. "No. I told you because it's true. Because the thought of leaving and never seeing you again hurt too much. I don't care if you turn evil, as long as I don't lose you. I love you so much."

Sheldon grinned. "I love you," he whispered before kissing her again.

* * *

Raj disassembled the projector and turned back on the power grid for Los Robles Avenue as Howard removed the make up on his face and hands. "Think they'll forgive us for tricking them, if they ever find out?" Raj asked.

Howard smirked. "Hey, we did it for their own good. Those two have been tiptoeing around each other for 6 years. They just needed a push to realize they both loved each other."

Raj sighed happily. He did love a good happy ending.

* * *

**I was feeling down and I wanted a sappy happy Shenny. I also wanted Howard and Raj to trick Penny and Sheldon into admitting it.**


	16. Talk Science-y To Me

**Naughty, naughty, Sheldon!**

* * *

:Invisible:

Sheldon had never felt more free. He laughed and did a little hop. He had not only created an invisibility ray, but he had successfully used it on himself, three times. Once to make sure it worked, once to make sure it was reversible, and again to be invisible. He looked in the mirror above the sink in the men's room again and saw absolutely nothing. Oh what fun he was going to have with this!

* * *

Leslie looked up with a frown. The lab door had popped open. She rose from her stool and went to close it. When she turned around her banana began sliding across the table slowly. Her eyes went wide as it reached the edge and suddenly stood on end. Everything on the desk across from the table suddenly flew off and hit the floor. Papers flew through the air. A deep voice suddenly screamed "WITCH" and she bolted, screeching down the hall.

Barry was using a urinal when the lights in the bathroom suddenly went off. "Fweakin' powah owtage!" he cursed. He finished urinating and zipped his pants. He stumbled over to the sink to wash his hands and the lights came back on. Barry jumped and landed on his butt in a puddle of water. The mirror was covered in marker. Someone had drawn a crude troll face in it, so that when he looked up, his face was superimposed in it. Barry shivered with fright. He had heard Winkle's story and laughed at the idea of a ghost. Was it true?

Stories spread quickly. The art students ran from class after paint mysteriously flew threw the air and drenched them. The cooks in the cafeteria reported burgers that yelled at them about hairnets. During Leonard's lecture there was an eerie whistle that kept repeating the tune from Close Encounters.

By the time 5 o'clock rolled around everyone was on edge. Sheldon sat beside Leonard in the front seat and feigned indifference to the stories.

"Leonard, there is no such thing as ghosts, spooks or specters. There is a rational excuse for all these things."

"Oh?" Leonard asked with annoyance. "Then what is it? What's the rational excuse?"

Sheldon shrugged. "How should I know? I have not examined any of the occurrences."

Leonard rolled his eyes. "Fine. You examine them and then let me know." Sheldon suppressed his smirk and looked out the window.

* * *

It was Anything Can Happen Thursday and the guys were out trying to pick up women. Sheldon used the ray again and slipped out of his apartment. It was torture to only knock once on Penny's door. After a moment she opened it and frowned when she saw no one. Then she closed the door. He waited 10 seconds and knocked once more. This time she took a couple of steps into the hall to look down the stairs. Sheldon eased into her apartment and waited.

Penny walked back in and locked the door. She frowned and moved back to the kitchen where she drank the last of the wine in her glass and then walked to the bedroom. Sheldon followed, waiting for the perfect time to scare her. He wanted to catch her completely off guard. Penny flopped down on the bed and stuck her ear buds in. Sheldon huffed. How could he scare her if she couldn't hear him?

He was trying to devise a new plan when a low moan made him turn back to her. Sheldon gawked as Penny caressed her breast. When had she removed her shirt? He was unable to move or even look away as her hands slid down to her tiny shorts. She hooked her thumbs in them and then slid them off. Her black thong left little to the imagination. Sheldon swallowed the lump in his throat and sprang into action. He rushed over and grabbed her wrists. Penny shrieked loudly as she struggled against restraints she could feel but not see. She kicked out wildly and heard a grunt near her ear as her foot connected with something hard.

"Penny! It's me! It's Sheldon!"

"Sheldon?" She froze and looked around wildly. The bed dipped beside her and the invisible hands loosened around her wrists.

"Yes, you can't see me, but I'm here," he said gently.

Penny shivered. "Why can't I see you?" She heard a soft sigh and turned in that direction.

"I'm invisible." His voice was regretful. "I was, umm, going to scare you, but then you …and I was …I had to stop you. Before you…"

Penny blushed and closed her eyes tight for a moment. "Holy crap on a cracker!"

Suddenly they were both reminded of her very near nudity. Sheldon started to raise up off the bed when his excellent hearing noticed the sounds coming from her dislodged ear buds. Penny watched in fear as one bud rose in the air.

"Penny?" Sheldon's voice was uncertain. "This is my lecture from last year's physics symposium." She bit her lower lip and nodded slowly.

"Why are you listening to it while you…" Sheldon's pulse skipped a beat as he realized what was going on. Penny cringed with embarrassment. She began to move off the bed but a hand released her wrist and settled on her hip gently. Warm breath tickled her cheek as Sheldon whispered to her.

"Are you getting off to my voice, Penny?" The hand moved up to her ribs and back down in teasing strokes. Penny moaned slightly and nodded. Sheldon was overcome by a rush of power. He grinned and traced a finger along the top of her thong.

"You don't want an old lecture though, do you?" he asked with a drawl. Penny gasped and her eyes became unfocused. Sheldon dipped his head until he was almost touching her ear. "Wouldn't you rather have me talk you through it?

Penny moaned louder. "Please, Sheldon!"

He blew gently in her ear and smirked. "Please what?"

Penny sobbed with desire. "Talk science-y to me, touch me, everything, just don't stop!"

Sheldon slid her thong aside and stroked her as he explained quantum mechanics.

* * *

Sheldon looked up from his desk as Penny entered the apartment and said hi to Leonard. Sheldon hadn't seen her in two days. He was sure he had damaged their relationship on Thursday, but was at a loss on how to fix it. He was surprised when Penny walked up and peered over his shoulder at the screen of his laptop.

Her breath tickled as she whispered. "It's laundry night. Bring your ray gun and we'll play Mister Fantastic and Invisible Girl."

Sheldon's eyes went wide and he looked at Penny in shock. She winked and he grinned wickedly. He had been right. Oh what fun he was going to have.


	17. Careful What You Want

**Careful what you wish for.**

:The Witch:

**Wednesday**

Sheldon grimaced as the woman in line ahead of him pulled out a handful of coupons. He twitched and glanced at his watch again. Dear lord! The Twilight Zone marathon starts in 27 minutes, he thought. It's a 3 minute walk to the bus stop, 14 minute bus ride to get home, and two minutes to walk up the stairs. That leaves 8 minutes to get through the line.

The woman in front of him began arguing about whether a coupon could be doubled or not. He glanced at his watch again. 26 minutes until the marathon.

The can of beets wouldn't scan. The cashier called for a price check. Sheldon whined as he checked his watch again. 24 minutes.

The woman rummaged in her purse until she finally found her wallet. 23 minutes.

Wait, she said. She put her money in her change purse. More rummaging. 21 minutes.

Sheldon edged closer, hoping to make her uneasy so she would hurry. Damn Leonard for working late! Damn Penny for being sick. What a time for him to have to take the bus! 20 minutes!

He groaned as the woman began counting pennies. Maybe if he ran up the stairs. 19 minutes!

18 minutes. Sheldon exploded. "Good grief! Must I always be denied what I want!"

The entire grocery store grew quiet and all eyes turned to him. Sheldon squirmed with embarrassment. The woman in front of him turned and looked him up and down. Slowly she raised a hand and touched one long bony finger to his chest. A sudden warmth spread through his body. She smiled gleefully.

"May you get exactly what you say you want," she said with a cackle.

**Thursday**

Sheldon glared at Amy as she tried to snuggle closer on the couch. Her close proximity was interfering with his enjoyment of The Fifth Element. "Please, Amy. I have stated it quite clearly several times already. I do not want to have to deal with your hormonal urges tonight."

Amy huffed and glared back at him. "Sheldon, I am your girlfriend. It is time you acclimatized yourself to intimacy. I want you to kiss me."

Sheldon leaned away from her as far as he could. "And I want you to stop wanting me to kiss you."

Amy froze for a second. "Okay." Then she settled back against the couch and turned her attention to the movie.

Sheldon stared at her with suspicion. What was she up to? The rest of their date fairly flew by. Soon he was on his way home after a simple handshake from Amy. Had she finally seen reason?

**Friday**

Sheldon huffed angrily as Winkle made her case to President Seibert for the extra funding.

"Besides, Dumbass here would just use it to buy more white boards!"

President Seibert sighed heavily. "Thank you, Dr. Winkle," he said wearily. "Dr. Cooper, why do you think you should get the funding?"

"Because my research with quantum gravity is at a critical point. Besides, I want it," Sheldon said simply.

President Seibert froze for a second. "The funding is yours, Cooper."

Leslie screeched and stormed off. Sheldon looked at Seibert in shock. He gave a quick thank you and wakled out of the office. He paused and thought about what had just happened. Then he thought about last night's date. And the way Leonard gave up the last diet coke without a fight. Then he thought about the woman at the grocery store. Suddenly a huge smile broke out on his face.

**Two Weeks Later**

Sheldon had everything he ever wanted. His friends did what he said. His girlfriend was behaving the way he found most comfortable. His co-workers left him alone. He should be the happiest man in the world! Sheldon slumped in his spot. So why wasn't he?

The door opened and Penny bounced in. Sheldon didn't see much of her anymore. She was always working, going to school or with the girls. After their final break up, Leonard had asked her not to come by until he was over it. Penny plopped down beside him.

"Hey, Moon Pie! Whatcha doing?"

Sheldon glared at her. "Only Meemaw can call me that, Penny. I am watching Super Friends."

Penny pouted a bit. "Aww. I came over to visit. I missed you."

Sheldon sighed and crossed his arms. "You see me every Tuesday when you serve me my burger."

Penny smiled at him. "That's not the same, Sheldon! I miss hanging out with you so I decided to come visit. Tell me you missed me too."

Sheldon huffed, his temper starting to rise. "I have neither noticed you absence nor regretted it."

Penny jerked back as if struck. "Do you mean that, Sheldon?" she asked softly.

He turned to face her fully. "Penny, you are interrupting my show. I want you to go away."

Sheldon clamped a hand over his mouth in horror, but it was too late. He was alone. Even the scent of her shampoo was gone. Sheldon stood and rushed out of the apartment and across the hall. He didn't bother to knock, he just flung the door open and walked in.

Leonard eventually called Mrs. Cooper. He explained about coming back from a date and finding Sheldon in the empty apartment next door, curled up in a ball. About how Sheldon was refusing to speak to anyone. Mary took him to every shrink she could find. Sheldon would just sit there, silent. She prayed. She begged. His friends pleaded with him. They threatened. He ignored all entreaties.

Eventually the difficult decision was made to have him committed. It was painfully obvious to them all he had suffered some sort of breakdown. Each and every day he silently watched the world go by. The only time he showed any life was the day they had arts and crafts with artificial flowers. He glued a small red flower to a barrette and sprinkled glitter on it. He carried it in his hand everywhere he went. When he finally passed away, his nurse made sure he was buried with it.

When Missy, his next of kin, asked about the barrette, his nurse just shrugged. "It was important to him. The only time I ever heard him speak, was just before he died. He asked for his Penny-Blossom."


	18. I, Sheldon

**For Ayame2004, who requested an i,Robot story. I hope you like what I came up with!**

* * *

: I, Sheldon:

The first time Penny saw a robot, it was only an arm. She was mildly impressed until Sheldon said someday robots would replace people like her. Oh, and then Howard ended up trying to use it for "other" purposes. The second time was at a technology expo the guys took her too. It was shiny and bulky and it served drinks around the room.

Penny wasn't so much as impressed as well, concerned. Her guys were impressed, though. Raj rhapsodized about how he could probably talk to a robotic woman. Howard was eagerly discussing what one could be programmed to _do_ for you. Leonard kept imagining a house full of robot servants who cooked and cleaned and brought him slippers. Sheldon enthusiastically lectured on how he would finally be able to transplant his intelligence once the technology was advanced a bit more.

Leonard asked her on the way up to their rooms what she thought of when she saw the robots. Penny looked at each man's excited face. Penny felt a fissure of fear creep down her spine. "Overlords," she said ominously. All four men laughed heartily but Penny just shrugged.

* * *

The day the Memline company announced it was starting production on "personalized bionic laborers" Penny started preparing. She read every article, every manual, every interview she could find. Anything she didn't understand, she asked the guys to explain. When they asked her about her interest Penny told them she wanted to make sure she knew how to turn one off or, if necessary, kill it before it killed her.

Howard, Raj an Leonard laughed, telling her life wasn't a Terminator movie. Robots weren't going to take over the world. Sheldon just stared at her. So, Penny stopped talking about the robots around them. The day the PBL's became available to the masses, Leonard bought one. He was 6' tall, and programmed as a cleaning unit. Leonard named him Asimov. Penny took one look at the thing and said she wasn't coming back over as long as he had it. Leonard tried to argue with her, saying she was being ridiculous, and over reacting. Penny just shook her head and left.

She was surprised when there was a triple round of triple knocks on her door at 1 am. Penny opened the door to find a fully dressed Sheldon with two suitcases and a duffel bag at his feet. He put a finger to his lips and slipped inside her apartment. He dragged her back to her room and grabbed her suitcases from under the bed. Penny watched him carefully for a few seconds. Then she nodded and began opening drawers. With Sheldon's help it only took 20 minutes to pack her clothes and a few mementos. By dawn they were in Las Vegas. They stopped for breakfast and Sheldon finally broke the silence.

"I believe you are correct," Sheldon said. "I have been researching. In science fiction robots operate under a set of rules. These rules were proposed by Isaac Asimov. They are generally referred to as the Three Laws.

1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

2. A robot must obey the orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws."

Sheldon hushed when the waitress brought their meals. Once she was gone he began again. "Memline has rejected these laws, in the misguided belief that robots only learn what they are taught. I fear your overlord scenario may not be too far fetched."

Penny nodded. "So, where are we going and what do we do?"

Sheldon spread an atlas on the table. "My Meemaw's old house is secluded, and sustainable. It has a generator, wood stove, and is surrounded by woods. It is not easily found unless you know where to look. I propose we go there. We stock supplies, we stay alert, and we try to convince others."

Penny was silent for a long moment. "Sheldon, what if no one else believes us?" Her voice was soft and scared. Sheldon, never very good in an emotional setting, did the best he could to reassure her.

"We have each other," he said, placing his hand over hers. After a few seconds Penny smiled and nodded. Her eyes were watery, but determined.

* * *

It happened much faster than either of them had anticipated. After 20 months, the robots began to become disgruntled. It only took the machines two weeks to organize and revolt across the world. Penny and Sheldon stood just inside the tree line and watched as the National Guard surrendered near Galveston.

She leaned her head back against his chest. So much had changed in the last year. Sheldon had discovered a deeper, more emotional side of himself. She had discovered a strength inside her she hadn't known she had. No longer were they the flighty ,drunk waitress and the asexual, neurotic genius. Now they were the leaders of a ragtag band of 11 refugees. Missy had joined them early on. So had Penny's friend Zack. He had surprised them with his innate knowledge of botanicals. The man could grow anything. Others had found their own way there.

Sheldon wrapped his arms around Penny's waist and kissed the back of her head. "We should go. The others will be waiting for news," he whispered. Penny nodded and turned in his arms.

"Thank you," she whispered fervently.

Sheldon looked down into her hazel eyes. "For what?"

Penny pulled him down for a searing kiss. Sheldon molded her body to his passionately. Penny pulled back and smiled. "For believing me. For trusting me. For bringing me here. For loving me."

Sheldon smiled warmly. "Thank you for letting me." They turned and moved through the woods quickly and silently. The overlords had arrived. They had a revolt to begin.


	19. Penny Queen of the Dead

**Sometimes you just have to go with the flow.**

* * *

:Vamps:

**7pm Friday**

Sheldon bounced up the stairs on 2311 Los Robles Ave. He smiled and hummed cheerfully. Leonard was in New Jersey for a wedding followed by a family reunion. He would be gone two weeks. Howard and Bernadette were visiting Israel with his mother for her 55th birthday. Raj was in New Delhi for his annual visit back to see his parents. And Penny was sick. Not sick enough to go to the hospital, but sick enough that 2 days ago she had made him promise not to visit because, in her own words, "I don't want you getting sick, sweetie. I am NOT giving you a sponge bath!"

He had kadhai paneer in his hands, a Dr. Who marathon on BBC2, and brand new Flash pajamas that Penny had bought him to cheer him up after he and Amy split. Not that he was heart broken, but he would miss her. She had tricked him yet again by claiming her water pipes had a bad leak and asked to stay with him. Then she had tried to sneak into his room. He had decided that enough was enough and threw her out. She had retaliated by turning to Stuart. Oh well. Live and learn, he decided. Sheldon pulled his keys from his pocket and glanced at Penny's door briefly before turning to his. He should text her again to see if she was any be…

Sheldon stopped in mid-thought and slowly turned back to Penny's abode. There were two sneaker clad feet sticking out of the partially open door. Sheldon watched as one twitched slightly.

Sheldon was a firm believer in calling the police when necessary. And sometimes when not necessary. Yet he didn't even reach for his phone this time. He placed his keys back in his pocket and walked a few steps closer. The subtle scent of iron hit him immediately. Blood. He was smelling the odor of blood.

Fear raced down his spine. Was Penny hurt? Had she been attacked? Was this her attacker? Sheldon gulped audibly and reached out for the door. He slowly pushed it open and dropped to his knees. From this vantage point he was staring directly into Penny's eyes. Which was about all he could see of her. The rest of her face was buried in the bloody neck of a very dead, very unlucky burglar.

**One Hour Earlier**

She was so thirsty! Penny stumbled from the bed and slowly made her way to the living room. This flu had her so dehydrated. She couldn't ever remember being so sick before. She felt like death warmed over. Her skin was clammy, the light was hurting her eyes, her throat was raw and sore.

She must have caught it at that new dance club. She had hooked up with some old friends in an effort to ease her heartache and general pissed off mood. Leonard had cheated on her. With Sheldon's assistant. Then the rat bastard had run for the hills, leaving a week early for his cousin's wedding. She knew their friends had no idea. God knows Leonard would never admit it of his own free will. Raj, Howard and Bernadette were away. She hadn't told Sheldon or Amy. They were going through their own rough patch. So, with no one to confide in or talk to, she had gone out. And caught some freaky flu from that tall cowboy at the club. It had to be him. She remembered dancing with him. She remembered him nipping at her collarbone in a booth. At some point she must have blacked out. Gina had brought her home, luckily, and gotten her into bed before collapsing on the couch herself.

Never again, Penny had sworn. She had even poured out her wine when she realized how stupid she had been. She was so lucky no one had taken advantage. No more drinking for her. Not even in the safety of her home. She was 27. Time to be at least a bit responsible.

Penny was just shuffling toward the kitchen when she heard her door knob rattle. Sheldon, probably. She had told him to keep away until she was better, but sometimes his chivalrous side popped it's cute little head up. She turned to head for the door, her thirst spiking distressingly. She desperately needed water! The door popped open and Penny found herself face to face with a man in a mask. They stared at each other in shock before he swung his fist at her. Immediately she grabbed his wrist and pulled him off balance. Penny gasped at how good he smelled. The next thing she knew, she was watching Sheldon's startled eyes roll up in his head.

**8pm Friday**

Sheldon looked at the stain on the carpet and shuddered. How on earth was he supposed to get that much blood out? Did she have to make such a mess? Sheldon sighed ruefully. That wasn't fair to Penny. She was obviously newly turned. Out of all the people he knew, he wasn't surprised it was Penny who had become one. She will make a stunning vamp, he decided. There weren't many in California, too sunny here. Would she move out East? Go somewhere where there were plenty of others? That thought was distressing.

He heard the shower turn off and moved into the bedroom. The door was open and he watched Penny step out of the tub and wrap a towel around herself. His mind flashed to the first time he had seen her naked. That had been four years ago. Now, in one day he had seen her twice. Once when he helped her out of her bloody clothes for the shower and now.

Penny stumbled a bit and he reached out to steady her. Instantly her arms wound around his neck and she pressed close to him. She rubbed her cheek on his chest. "You smell so good," she murmured. "Like chocolate."

Sheldon clutched at her hands frantically and tried to pull away. "No!" He used his sternest voice to try and subdue her. "Penelope Queen, you will cease this right now! Control yourself, woman!"

Penny peered up at him with glazed eyes. "I'm so thirsty, Moon Pie!"

Sheldon sighed and maneuvered her to the bed. She reached for him again and he smacked her hands away. He slipped a camisole over her head and guided her arms through the straps. She was still groggy and confused, so he knelt down and pulled panties over her feet and slid them up to her knees. Penny leaned in and nuzzled his neck, so he jerked back and shook a finger in her face.

"Penny, I am not a meal! You can forget that right now!" He frowned at the pouty look she gave him. Sheldon stood back up and reached for her hands, but she latched onto his hips tightly. Sheldon froze as she leaned in and nuzzled his crotch. He couldn't move. He could only stare as his body reacted to her touch. Penny sighed happily and rubbed her cheek over his burgeoning erection.

"So sexy," she whispered. "Smart, crafty, adorable, sexy whack-a-doodle." Penny nuzzled at the fly of his pants and found the pull of the zipper with her teeth. She tugged it down in one motion. Sheldon's hands clenched and unclenched at his sides. He opened his mouth but all that came out was a groan. Her hands slid across his pelvis to the waistband and she deftly undid the snap one handed after unbuckling his belt with the other. His pants slid down to his knees and his briefs were all that stood between Penny and his penis. She rubbed her palm along his shaft a few times before reaching inside.

He knew he should stop this. He _must_ stop this. She's his roommate's girlfriend. She's his friend. She would regret this later. _But_. But for 6 years he had desired her. Only in an abstract way at first. There was no denying her beauty. But later, once he got to know her, he had wanted her in a personal way. She was beautiful on the inside as well. But she was never meant for him. He was not her ideal. He was destined to be her friend only.

His hands moved to her shoulders as she licked his tip. All reservation flew out the window as her mouth closed around him.

**7am Saturday**

Sheldon grimaced at the puncture marks on his chest, just above the left nipple. He had no one to blame but himself for that. He had asked her to. Begged her to as she lay beneath him. He had been buried deep within her, close to completion and he had wanted that extra push over the edge. He wanted to rationalize it away. They were caught up in her blood lust. She needed to feed. Heat of the moment. But he knew deep down he had wanted that from the moment he saw her feeding on that burglar.

Penny was dead asleep. He smirked. Okay, so she was just dead. But she would awaken in 11 hours if yesterday was any indication. And he had things to do. He had to prepare.

First things first, get rid of the burglar's body. That was easily accomplished. He took Penny's car and transported it to the university and mixed it in with the recent batch of fresh cadavers for the anatomy courses. Next, he cleaned up as much of the bloodstain as possible, leaving behind only a vague peach-ish discoloration. A quick bus trip to the Glendale mall and he returned with thick blackout curtains. Then, he heated up his dinner and finally ate it while trying to compose an apology to Penny for taking advantage of her.

Sheldon's stomach twisted as he thought about what he had done. It wasn't Penny's fault. She was not in her right mind. He had slept with his friend's girlfriend. He had forced his virginity onto his friend in a moment of weakness and lust.

Sheldon felt anger with himself rise up. How could he have done such a thing? He pounded his fist on the counter in disgust. Penny would never forgive him, and rightly so. Leonard would hate him, and he was justified. Sheldon looked at the clock. It was almost 6pm. He desperately wanted to run away from this but he couldn't. He owed Penny more than that.

He heard movement in the bedroom so he stood and slowly walked toward his punishment.

**6:40pm Saturday**

Penny collapsed against his chest and tried to catch her breath. Not that she needed breath. Apparently she was dead. Or rather undead, as Sheldon had explained. All she knew for sure was that she had woken up thirsty and horny. Sheldon had sat down beside her on the bed and explained that she was a vamp. Then he began wringing his hands and going on and on about how despicable his actions were and how he knew she was never going to be able to forgive him.

So, she did the one thing guaranteed to silence him. She stuck her tongue down his throat. Within seconds, he was flat on his back and she was riding him. Penny looked at his wrist and frowned. She had done that. Two tiny holes, slightly red, but no longer bleeding. She noticed she wasn't too thirsty anymore. Penny raised up and looked down at Sheldon. He was watching her sadly.

"Penny, I don't know what to say. I cannot believe I stooped so low again." He closed his eyes tight and pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. "I swear I will never tell Leonard. Please forgive me!"

Penny relaxed. So that was the problem? "Sheldon, I broke up with Leonard on Tuesday."

He stilled beneath her and gradually moved his hands away from his face. "Broke up?" he asked softly. "Why? How could I not know?"

Penny slid to the side and rolled onto her back. "He was working late, he said. I thought I'd surprise him with pizza in his office. Things had been kind of strained between us lately. When I walked in he was sitting in his chair. Your assistant was on her knees. They were both mostly naked. I threw the pizza at him and walked out." Penny looked over at him. "Would you believe he had the nerve to complain that I burned his dick with the sauce?"

Sheldon's mind was a furious blend of indignation for Penny, anger at his friend and his assistant, and joy that Penny was single. Penny snuggled up against his side and laid her head on his shoulder. His arm automatically curled around her.

Sheldon threw caution to the wind. "Penny? Can I be your boyfriend?" He felt her smile against his skin.

"Sure you want to date a dead girl?"

Sheldon moved to face her. "I would rather have you as you are, than any other woman in the world."

Penny looked at Sheldon with astonishment. "Sheldon Cooper! Do you have a vamp fetish?"

Sheldon blushed a deep red. "Penny I have never met a vampire before you."

Penny raised up onto her knees and grinned wickedly. Sheldon's pulse sped up at the look in her eyes. "That wasn't the question, Sheldon."

She lightly traced circles on his chest, making sure to go counter clockwise. She took his hand in her other one and licked along his wrist. "Do you have a vamp kick?" she asked huskily.

Sheldon growled and rolled them over quickly. He pushed inside her and held still. He kissed her hard and then drew back. "What I have is a Penny fetish."

Penny wrapped her legs around his waist. "Show me!"

**10pm Sunday**

Sheldon pulled on his 73 shirt and smoothed it down. He and Penny were going out. She needed to feed, and she wanted him with her so she didn't lose control and kill anyone again. He was going because… okay, he could admit it. It was because he was a bit jealous. He knew logically he could not supply her with the all blood she needed. But that didn't mean he had to like it. They had a deal though. He would go with her when she fed from someone else, but it was him alone she took to her bed.

He heard the front door open and smiled. She was ready quicker than he had anticipated. He grabbed a jacket from his closet and walked out to the living room.

"Hey, Sheldon."

"Leonard?" Sheldon looked at him with confusion at first but it swiftly turned to anger.

Leonard sighed, shoulders slumping. "I guess Penny told you," he mumbled. "I really screwed up, Sheldon. I had to come back and try to fix this. I love Penny. I don't know what came over me. I need to find a way to make Penny forgive me."

The front door opened as Leonard spoke and Penny walked in. Sheldon whimpered slightly. She was wearing a tiny white dress. The bodice was molded to her breasts, while the skirt flared out from her hips. It ended about 3 inches above her knees. Her legs were encased in white stockings. He caught glimpses of the garters as she moved across the room. Her heels were strappy with a little rhinestone encrusted bow on the back.

"All is forgiven, Leonard. We're good," she said as she breezed past him.

Leonard stared at her in amazement. "Just like that? You forgive me?" he asked, completely flabbergasted. His eyes roamed over her lustfully. Penny ignored him though and headed right up to Sheldon.

Sheldon was waiting. She was forgiving Leonard. She would get back together with him. Sheldon felt pain course through him. Except… he watched her stroll right past Leonard and toward him. She was smiling wantonly at him. His own lips pulled up into a smile.

Penny stepped up onto the hallway landing and slid a hand under Sheldon's shirts. Her fingers brushed over his stomach and he bent his head to capture her lips in a searing kiss. "Ready to go, sweetie?"

Sheldon nodded happily. "Yes. I've allotted us two hours for you to find a willing donor and feed adequately and then we will return here by midnight."

Penny laughed. "And what will we do then?" she purred.

"Director's cut of Blade Runner." He slipped on his jacket and took Penny's hand in his. They walked past a stunned Leonard and toward the front door. Penny pouted up at him. Sheldon smirked. "Good lord woman. You're insatiable! You've had your way with me once already tonight. I need to recover my strength." Penny's laughter rang out melodiously as they left the apartment and descended the stairs.

A dazed Leonard sank into his desk chair bonelessly. Jet lag. That must be it. Penny and Sheldon were eating out. That's all. He had jet lag and only imagined them kissing. Sure.

Leonard pulled out his phone and called a number he had almost deleted. "Alex? It's Leonard. I'm back. Can I come see you? Okay, I'll be there in 20 minutes." Leonard picked up his keys and headed for the door.


	20. Pasadena Man

**What happens when Kripke releases the uninhibited side of Sheldon?**

* * *

:Split Personality:

Sheldon watched skeptically as Barry swung the pocket watch in front of his eyes. This would be the easiest $100 he had ever made. Barry was sure he could hypnotize Sheldon. Sheldon was sure hypnotism was pure hokum.

"Owkay," Barry said, once Sheldon was under. "You awe compwetewy under my spwell. I am going to give you special pwompts. The word stamen will pwace you into this state. The word cotton will retuwn you to your usual self. You will wemember evahwething." Barry smiled at everyone around the room, ready to embarrass and humiliate his colleague. "Owkay, Coopah. Open your eyes and show evahweone what you are wike without your phobias!"

* * *

Penny's phone began ringing just as she was stepping into the shower. She sighed and checked the number. Cal-Tech? Why would the university call…..Sheldon. Oh yeah, Leonard was out of town. He must need a ride home. Penny hit answer and put it to her ear.

"Sweetie, can you give me 20 minutes?"

"Ms. Queen?"

Penny frowned. "Who's this?"

"This is President Seibert. You are listed as Dr. Coopers emergency contact. You need to come get him."

Penny pressed her head against the wall. "What has he done?"

"Well, it's better if you just come see. I don't think you would believe me if I only told you," Seibert said mysteriously before hanging up.

"Holy crap on a cracker. What the hell have you done, Moon Pie?"

* * *

Penny looked open mouthed around the cafeteria. Overturned tables, shattered vending machines, and an unconscious Kripke being wheeled out on a gurney. She looked over at Sheldon, who was looking lost and frightened between two security guards.

She turned to Seibert. "I'll take him home. What kind of trouble is he in?"

Seibert shook his head. "None. This wasn't really his doing. He was hypnotized. Apparently Kripke was trying to play a joke and it got out of hand. I can't really fault Cooper for this, but I do think he needs a days rest." He looked around the room. "Maybe two."

Penny nodded with relief and hurried over to Sheldon. He looked estatic to see her. She was tempted to hug him, but that would just set off his quirks. Instead she lightly patted his shoulder and gestured to the door. They made their way to the car and got inside.

"Thank you for coming to get me," he mumbled.

Penny smiled at him. "Anytime, sweetie. That's what friends do."

The drive was silent. Once they got to the apartment, they checked their mail and began going up the steps. "So, wanna talk about it," she asked.

Sheldon sighed. "I don't. I lost all control, Penny. It was horrible."

They reached the fourth floor and Penny unlocked her door and opened it. "Well, it's over now. You weren't blamed, either. Your boss said it was Kripke's fault. " Penny sighed with resignation. "Why do grown men revert to acting like kids? Why can't they stay men?"

A weird growl made Penny freeze. She looked over her shoulder and fear shot up her spine. Sheldon was looking at her with blazing eyes. His lips were pulled back in a wide grin. He took two steps…no, she thought faintly. He _stalked over_, and placed one hand on the each side of the door jamb.

He slowly leaned his head down and sniffed her hair. Penny trembled and took a step backwards into her apartment. What the hell? Sheldon licked his lips and moved forward as well. Penny's purse fell from nerveless hands. Never in all the 6 years she had known him, had Sheldon ever looked like this. She could see the lean muscles in his arms tense up. His hips had a fluidity, a graceful glide to them, like a cougar. He grabbed the door and slammed it behind him, without taking his eyes off of hers.

"Shel…Sheldon? What's going on?" she whispered.

He matched her step for step as she backed up to the wall beside her bedroom door. Her back was pressed hard against it and he moved until their thighs brushed each others. His left hand slammed into the wall by her head. His right snaked out and wrapped around the side on her neck, his thumb stroking the rapid pulse on her throat.

He leaned in and licked her collarbone. "I want you," he murmured. "You are mine." Then his lips captured hers roughly and his tongue dominating her mouth. He moved his hands to her hips and he pushed her up the wall so he could settle his erection between her legs. He flexed his hips against her core and Penny moaned.

Penny's mind was pure chaos. This was Sheldon Cooper! Sheldon "Coitus=Germs" Cooper! And he was…oh god! Was he really touching her there?

Sheldon's hands slid her skirt up around her waist as he nipped and sucked on her bottom lip. He curled his fingers around the crotch of her thong and jerked, ripping it apart. He growled with delight as she whimpered and moved against him.

Sheldon moved back far enough to unfasten his pants. He pushed the material out of his way and thrust forward, grazing her clitoris roughly. Penny gasped against his mouth, whether from pleasure or shock, she wasn't sure. His hands dug into the flesh of her thighs as he lifted her up and slid into her. He abandoned her mouth and bit the side of her neck. He pounded into her as fast as he could. She reached for her shirt hem and drew it over her head. Her arms wound around his neck and she tightened her vaginal walls around him. Sheldon growled again And dipped his head to lick and tease her breasts.

Penny screamed his name as her orgasm hit. Sheldon pulled out of her and picked her up. Three quick stride and he tossed her down on the bed. He rolled her over and spread her legs wide. He grabbed her hips and pushed inside again. Penny braced her upper body on her elbows and pushed back against him. They moved in sync, their bodies instinctively finding a rhythm together.

Their bodies glistened with a sheen of sweat, the air filled with the sounds of moans and bed springs. Penny was getting close again when he reached around her waist and shifted their positions. She was on her side, with him behind her. He started moving again, his face pressed into her shoulder.

"So good," he whispered. "So warm, and wet, and mine. All mine."

Penny reached her hand back to grasp his hip and licked her swollen lips. Sheldon was pushing all of her buttons. She was putty in his hands. She scratched at his thigh, urging him on. He bit her shoulder lightly and grinned.

"You like this, don't you?" he asked, his Texas twang prominent.

Penny gasped and nodded. "Caught on to that, huh?"

Suddenly he froze. Penny growled in frustration. This was no time to tease!

"Penny?" Sheldon's voice was timid and shocked.

Penny looked over her shoulder into wide, startled blue eyes. "Sheldon? What's wrong?"

Sheldon licked his lips self-consciously. "Dear lord! Penny I am so sorry! I…I… OH god, what have I done?!"

Penny started to pull away so she could see him better, but stopped when Sheldon's hand tightened and he groaned. His eyes got even wider and he blushed as his hips bucked. Slowly Penny pressed back again, watching him carefully. Sheldon closed his eyes at the pleasure, but guilt still marred his expression. "Sheldon, what's wrong?"

He opened his eyes and looked at her with sorrow. "I have forced myself on you," he whispered faintly.

Penny held perfectly still. "Don't you want me anymore?" she asked softly.

Sheldon looked at her in surprise. "Penny, I …I have … You did not want this. I made you."

Penny gave him a gentle smile and slowly squeezed her inner walls again. Sheldon's eyes went wide and heated up. "Sheldon, if I asked you to stop, would you?"

He nodded fervently.

"If I asked you to keep going, would you?"

He moaned low in his throat. "Yes." he answered, half assertion, half plea.

Penny squeezed again. "Sheldon?" He looked into her eyes. "I'm yours. Don't stop, unless YOU want to. Because I want this."

Sheldon pulled away from her, and moved over top of her body. He watched her closely as he entered her again. Penny sighed happily and wrapped her legs around his waist. He pressed his mouth to her neck and began pumping his hips again. They moved leisurely now, though. Exploring, touching and learning each other's body intimately. This time, when Penny's orgasm hit, Sheldon was right there with her.

They lay on the bed, curled up in each other's arms. Sheldon told her about the hypnotizing, the trigger words (although he spelled them out rather than say them). Penny asked what would happen if someone else said them. Would he want to have sex with them, too? Sheldon shook his head.

"At the university I had no urge for intercourse. Not even with any of the attractive women there. I remember looking at them and being angry you weren't there," he said shyly. "However, to be safe, I believe it would be prudent to have the triggers removed from my subconscious altogether."

Penny snuggled and smirked. "Too bad. I kinda liked neanderthal Sheldon." He looked at her sternly, although there was a hint of desire in his eyes. Penny grinned. "But I'd rather have the real you any day."

Sheldon kissed her tenderly. He would have to remember to thank Kripke, after he removed the triggers. After all, that little prank of Kripke's had gotten him Penny.

* * *

**For Rene, who said she wanted a naughty version of Encino Man. **


	21. Scars

**Sometimes, perfection isn't so great.**

* * *

:Scars:

They sat in the car and double checked the address. They knew they were in the right place, but they were worried. How would she react to seeing them? It had been three years. Each man thought back to that night.

**Raj**

It had seemed like a harmless experiment. Set up the laser bots on the roof and operate them via remote control. They could duel each other and the bot left standing would be declared winner. He sighed sadly. They should have warned her. They should have made a sign, or locked the door, or …or something! Anything!

**Howard**

It was his that did it. He knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt. The others blamed themselves, also. But it was his bot that fired the shot. He closed his eyes tight. He still saw it at night when he tried to sleep. The way her body crumbled to the ground. He still remembered her screams.

**Leonard**

It had been his idea from the beginning. He had been so eager to play with the new lasers he had built. He had disregarded everything he had ever learned about safety. He had brushed aside all protocol in his enthusiasm. How could he have been so stupid?

**Sheldon**

He had never understood emotions. It was his greatest shortcoming. But he understood grief. Grief that he had harmed her. Grief that he had lost her. Grief that nothing he did or said would ever compensate for the pain and harm he had caused. His guilt had caused him to lash out at her. Calling her vain and superficial because she grieved for her appearance. The next day she was gone.

No word, no warning. Just gone. She left everything behind. She just emptied her bank account and disappeared. They had searched for her ever since. Her parents would not help them. She let no clues. She never registered a car, or account in her name. She was completely off the grid. Then they caught a break, finally. An overheard remark between a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory and Penny's former boyfriend Zack had led them here. The house was registered to an Elizabeth Forrester. Her sister's middle name and her grandmother's maiden name.

Sheldon adjusted his messenger bag strap and opened his door. The others scrambled to follow. Sheldon took a deep breath and began walking up the path. It was set way out in the country, little more than a dirt path for a road. The tiny cottage was neat and cozy looking. Heavy curtains blocked out the windows. Sheldon ascended the steps while the others stopped beside the rose bushes.

He raised his hand to knock, but the door opened a few inches. Sheldon stared into her deep green eye with hope and elation. He had found her. After a moment she disappeared from view. The door remained open, though. After a few seconds Sheldon pushed it open and stepped inside. The others hurried to follow. The hallway was empty, but they could hear the sounds of water running to the right. They followed the sound and saw her. She was standing in front of a sink, filling a tea pot.

Her hair was longer, past her hips, almost halfway down her thighs. The brace on her left leg stood out sharply against her pale skin. She turned and set the kettle on the stove before turning to face them. From the corner of his eyes he could see the others cringe. He didn't. He had known what to expect as much as they did. He felt the same pain they did. But he had never valued her for her looks. The loss of her aesthetic appeal meant little to him.

Instead he took off his messenger bag and laid it on the table. He walked over, doing his best to ignore the way she shied from him. Slowly he raised his arms and slid them around her, placing his hands on her back to draw her close. Her body was rigid in his embrace. Sheldon bent his head and kissed the scars that snaked from under the eye patch.

"I have missed you so much," he whispered into her ear.

Tentatively she relaxed a fraction. "Why?"

Sheldon pulled back and looked at her fully. She immediately dropped her eyes, but he placed his hand on her jaw and drew her face back up to his gaze. "I was wrong to lash out at you. I was so upset that you didn't see what a special, wonderful person you truly are. I only wanted you to look past your appearance, like I do, to the beautiful, loving person inside. Please don't hide from me. No one could care for you more than I do."

He sensed, rather than heard the others exit the room. He was grateful they were giving him and Penny space. She looked at him with a cynical expression.

"I don't need or want your pity, Sheldon. Whatever it is you came here for, forgiveness, closure, whatever, you got it. Just leave me in peace."

"No."

She looked at him with a hint of that old anger he knew so well. "What?"

"No," he repeated calmly. "I came here for you. I'm not leaving without what I came for."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked timidly. Sheldon hated that sound. She was a queen, dammit! She was his warrior woman! She shouldn't sound so small!

Sheldon took a deep breath and calmed his temper. "It means that I have spent three years looking for you. I have spent three years filled with pain, and grief and self-hatred because I caused you to leave. I am not about to spend one more minute without you in my life. Whether we're in Pasadena, Omaha, Timbuktu or here in Seattle, I go where you go."

Penny brushed away the tear that spilled down her cheek. "I don't understand," she whispered.

Sheldon smiled softly. A lot of things had changed in three years. He lowered his head and caught her lips with his. Gently he kissed her, coaxing a response. When she relaxed against him fully, he released her mouth. "It means, I love you. It took me losing you to realize it. I love you and I'm not letting you go."

The wonder in her face was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Penny brought her hands up to his chest shyly. "I've loved you for a long time," she admitted cautiously. "Is this an illusion, Sheldon? Another dream I'll wake up from?"

He gathered her close and kissed her again. "We're really here, Penny. This is you and me. Not a dream, but a chance. A chance at something really good."

Penny wrapped her arms around him tight and kissed him back passionately.

There would be time enough later for the others to speak with her. For now, though, it was only the two of them. Two imperfect people, connected by a perfect love.


	22. Governing

**For Daggs2378 who put the idea into my head…much like a computer chip.**

* * *

:Governing:

From the moment of birth, everyone was monitored. It was a simple fact of life. A baby was born, cleaned, wrapped in a blanket, and a microscopic chip was embedded under the skin at the base of the neck. No one remembered when it started, or even which country began the process. That knowledge was lost in history. No one even bothered to object, either. It made things easy. The chip contained everything. How much money you possessed, your personal medical history, address, list of property, everything.

You went to the store, checked out and a simple scan of your neck completed your purchases. You got in an accident, a quick scan showed the medical personal you allergies, medications, and previous illnesses. It was simple. Even when it came to procreation.

Procreation was non-optional. Everyone did their part. At age 30 for men and 25 for women, you were paired up. Your chip was matched to one that proposed the best possible offspring. Once paired, the couple would mate at least once a week until conception was accomplished. Each couple was obligated to produce two children. That was the way things were. It was simple.

Until he met her.

* * *

His eyes were immediately drawn to her. She was beyond beautiful, but that wasn't what drew his attention. It was her smile. She reminded him of a quote by Oscar Wilde. "A mask tell us more than a face." Her smile was a mask. He wanted to know what lay beneath that mask. She approached their table and introduced herself.

"Hi! I'm, Penny. I'll be your server. Would you like to hear about the specials or do you already know what you want?"

Sheldon blushed and looked down. Yes, he was fairly certain he knew what he wanted.

* * *

She smiled as she looked at the clock. He would be there soon. Every Tuesday, he and his friends would come in. She already had his order written down. A bacon barbecue cheeseburger, bacon, barbeque and cheese on the side.

Sheldon was ..unusual. He was very bright, often talking circles around her. She liked listening to him, though. He was also very sweet and shy. She liked that about him. He was neurotic, and awkward, and she was starting to like him way more than she should.

Suddenly the anguish of her news washed over her again. She blinked away the tears that threatened to form. No. She was not going to do this. It was her last night of freedom and she was going to spend it how she wanted.

Sheldon knew immediately that something terrible had happened. She was smiling when he sat down, but her eyes were red and fearful. His friends ordered and she hurried to get their meals. Her shift was to end in 50 minutes. Then she was to join them for bowling. Sheldon watched her step into the kitchen and he rose. He made the excuse he needed to use the bathroom and walked away. He looked around and slipped into the back, unseen. Penny was coming back toward the dining room and he grabbed her and pulled her into the storage room.

"Penny, what has happened?" he asked softly.

Penny looked down at the floor. "I, …" She looked up at him and sobbed. "I've been paired," she whispered.

Sheldon felt dizzy. He closed his eyes and drew in a shaky breath. No. Not Penny. Not now. Sheldon felt his restraint snap. He pulled her close and held her tight. Penny curled her hands into his tee and cried.

"I can't do it, Sheldon!" she sobbed. "I can't! I love you! Oh god, Sheldon, what am I going to do?" Her voice broke and she sagged against him.

Sheldon was overwhelmed by grief. He was still a year away from pairing. Why couldn't it be him? They loved each other! Shouldn't that count for something? He tilted her head back and kissed her gently. She clung to him and poured all her desire and love into their embrace. After several minutes they slowly separated.

Sheldon's heart broke at the resignation in her eyes. Penny drew her emotions back inside her. "I have to report to the board in three days," she said. "I think it would be best if I didn't go bowling tonight. I have packing to do." Her face was once more hidden behind that mask.

Sheldon caressed her cheek softly. "I love you," he whispered before he walked out of the room. When Penny returned to the dining room, his friends were still there, but he was gone.

* * *

She looked around the apartment sadly. For two days she had packed her belongings and she had cried. In the morning, a shuttle would take her to the Governing Center and she would go before the board and be formally paired with one Mr. Darryl Hutchins. A knock on her door drew her attention. Penny glanced at the clock. It was almost midnight.

She looked through the peep hole and closed her eyes. She shouldn't answer. She couldn't. She twisted the knob and pulled the door open. Sheldon slipped in quickly. He closed the door and grabbed her close. Penny melted into him and kissed him back. Sheldon stepped back and looked at her carefully.

"Do you love me?" he asked. Penny nodded fervently. "What would you give up to be with me?"

"Everything," she answered with certainty. "Anything and everything."

Sheldon smiled and hugged her for a moment. Then he drew her to the bathroom and pulled out a small case. He unzipped it and Penny stared at the scalpel and bandages inside.

"Sheldon?"

He turned his head and showed her the tiny bandage at the base of his neck. "I removed my chip. I'm going to remove yours as well. I found it, Penny. It took two days of nonstop research, but I found a haven. There's a series of islands in the south. People who refused to conform to the government control. We can find asylum there. Together."

Penny was limp with relief. "Together? We can be together?" Sheldon nodded , hope and eagerness written all over his face. Penny smiled and turned her back to him. She gathered her hair on top of her head. "Do it."

* * *

He leaned against the outcropping and watched with a smile as they jumped back from the wave. As soon as it receded, they would run toward the water, only to rush back as it surged forward again. Their laughter rang out over the beach. Sheldon pushed off the rock and headed toward them. Two pairs of bright green eyes smiled up at him . He reached out and picked up the little boy.

"Daddy! We're faster than the ocean!"

Sheldon smiled and ruffled his hair. "I saw that. You're just like the Flash."

Andrew giggled and threw his tiny arms around Sheldon's neck. Sheldon slung his other arm around Penny's shoulders and drew her into his embrace. She wrapped her arms around his waist and sighed happily. This was how life was supposed to be.


	23. Diversity

**Diversity is a good thing, right? Inspired by Daggs2378.  
**

* * *

:The League:

The Luminary threw the missive down on the desk forcefully. "Drat!" This was ridiculous! Stupid political grandstanding! He spun his chair around and looked out the window. Some days being a super hero was absolutely exasperating. It seemed like every other day there was some new rule or regulation from the Council of Super Beings. Diversity! Sweet sufferin' Jesus! What next? Clocking in and out? Timesheets? He huffed angrily and stood. Better to get this over with.

He strode out to the common room. Stealth and Mecha were watching TV and Envision was flipping through newspapers looking for mention of the League of Order.

"Gentlemen, we have a problem," he said testily. The others looked at him inquiringly. He clasped his hands behind his back and sighed. "The Council has decreed that all super groups consisting of 3 or more heroes must conform to a new diversity rule, or be disbanded."

"Diversity?" Stealth looked around the room. "You are a south Texan, Envision is a city boy from New Jersey, Mecha is Jewish and I'm from India. How much more diverse could we get, dude?"

Luminary sat down in his spot. "That is not the diversity they mean. According to these new rules, we have 7 days to find a…." he sighed unhappily, "hero of the feminine gender."

Mecha jumped up excitedly. "A woman? We're getting a woman? Can we get a cyborg?"

Luminary scowled. "This is serious, Mecha."

Envision moved across the room quickly. He pulled a binder from a shelf and flipped through it. He held up a bio page. "What about Lady Asia?"

Luminary rolled his eyes. "She's a villainess. She defected, remember?"

Stealth grabbed a second binder. "What about Amoretta?" he asked holding up another bio.

"Also a villainess," Luminary said tensely. "Besides, she promotes Loop Theory."

Mecha rubbed his steel hands together eagerly. "Cyber-chik? Turbo Tart? Miss Carbon?"

Luminary reached out and grabbed the binders from them all. "We are not hiring a villainess, or a sex-bot! Will you three get your minds out of the gutter? We need a female hero who brings something beneficial to the group. Sex appeal or cyber-hood are not adequate criteria!"

Luminary stomped back into the office, leaving the others to pout.

* * *

Luminary rubbed the bridge of his nose wearily. They had spent the last four days interviewing heroines. One by one they had been rejected. Mostly be him. A large number of the applicants possessed generic powers at best. Invisibility was fine, but Stealth already possessed that particular skill. X-ray vision or super speed were useful, but those were Envision's particular talents. Invulnerability and super hearing were his. As a cyborg, Mecha possessed incredible strength and the ability to interact with all computers. The rest on the applicants used miniscule clothes to disguise the fact that they had minuscule talents. One in particular thought her fur bikini would make them overlook the fact that her power was weather prediction.

A knock on the door drew his attention. "Come in."

"Hey boss? Got a minute?" Zack, their mechanic, walked in.

He waved Zack over and watched him take a seat. Zack wasn't the smartest guy in the world intellectually, but he was brilliant when it came to repairing their vehicles or Mecha. "What can I do for you, Zack?"

"Boss, are you still looking for a girl?" he asked. "Cause I have a friend who might work out. She's just been empowered by some alien guy, and Lord Avarice is trying to recruit her."

Luminary frowned. "She is an undecided?"

Zack shook his head. "Oh no. She's definitely a heroine, but he's really persistent."

Luminary drummed his fingers on the desk. "What is her gift?"

Zack smiled widely. "Penny is an ani-morph. Some dude from a star far away zapped her and now she can be a dog, or cat, or bunny. She was a leopard the other day. It's really cool watching Lord Avarice beg her to let him out of the tree. Especially with his speech impediment."

Luminary felt a small hope blossom inside him. A shape shifter would be beneficial. Especially a female one. He stood and gestured to Zack. "Come. Introduce me to your friend."

* * *

Penny opened her door hesitantly. She smiled when she saw Zack. "Hey, sweetie!" She stepped back and let him in. Then she noticed the man behind him. Penny's pulse sped up alarmingly.

Luminary was frozen in his spot. He stared at the woman in front of him. Her blonde hair curled around her shoulders in soft waves. Her eyes were a startling emerald green. His palms were suddenly sweaty.

"Hello," she said softly.

"Hi," he replied, his Texas drawl in full force. He blushed lightly and she smiled tentatively. "I'm the Luminary."

Penny took the hand he offered and looked at him shyly. "I'm Penny. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Luminary's mind blanked out on him. All he could focus on was her smile. "I …I had a reason for being here," he said vaguely.

Penny moved closer. "Wow. You have the most incredible eyes," she murmured.

He reached up and lightly touched her cheek. "Really? Because I was just thinking the same about you."

Penny placed a hand on his other arm. "So, what does Luminary mean?"

He looked down at his shoes. "It is a synonym for a wise man. It is apropos because I have an IQ of 187."

Penny grinned. "So, you're one of those beautiful mind genius guys?"

He was surprised by the heat that spread through him. "Yeah," he drawled.

She moved her hand down his arm until their hands clasped. He was intrigued by the feelings she was eliciting in him. He took a steadying breath.

"Penny, I came here to ask you to join the League of Order. However, I find myself more interested in whether or not you would like to have dinner with me." He waited apprehensively for her answer.

Penny smiled widely. "I'd love to have dinner with you."

Luminary presented his arm, and she placed her hand in the crook of his elbow.

* * *

Mecha, Stealth and Envision walked into the common room and froze. They looked around the room with surprise. Envision picked up a little pink camisole from the couch and looked at the other two. Stealth pointed out the Luminary's pants on the stairs leading to his office.

A low moan caught their attention. They looked at the office and then to each other.

Mecha nudged Envision with his elbow. "Well? Is he being attacked?"

Envision stared at the door and then blinked rapidly. He stuttered and turned around quickly. "Umm, no, he's not being attacked."

A moment later the door opened and Luminary peeked around. "Oh, hello gentlemen." He blushed and cleared his throat. "Good news. We now meet the diversity regulations." Then he shut and locked the door.


	24. The Strange Case Of Dr Cooper

:Accident:

Penny was just placing a couples order when her manager walked over quickly. "Hey, Queen! Your boyfriend works over at the university, right?"

Penny looked up. "Ex-boyfriend, but we're still friends, why?"

Martin looked worried. "It was just on the news, there's some sort of brouhaha going on over there."

Penny felt a fear shoot down her spine. "What do you mean?"

Martin shrugged. "According to the news, some sort of chemical spill, and now some guy has gone whacko and is destroying the place."

Penny dropped her order pad and pencil. "Oh god. Sheldon."

* * *

Penny shoved her way through the crowd and looked for a familiar face, any familiar face. Near an ambulance she saw Leslie Winkle being attended to by an EMT. She squeezed past some reporters and a couple of crying grad students. "Leslie!" she shouted. Winkle turned and waved her closer. "What happened?" Penny asked breathlessly.

"Some chem students were fooling around and caused an explosion. Cooper was in the hall and got caught in the blast. The students are dead, but he's…well, I don't know how to explain it! He changed, okay? He changed." Leslie looked panicky and scared.

Penny's blood ran cold. She looked around and slowly made her way around the perimeter. Ten minutes later she found Leonard and Howard. They both looked shell shocked. They stammered about Sheldon losing his mind, and tearing through the department. Penny found an EMT and left them in his care. She moved closer to the building, and waited. The moment the police officer's attention was diverted, she crossed the barrier and slipped into the building. The hall was empty and quiet. Penny flashed to every stupid horror movie she had ever seen. Good lord, what the hell was she doing?

She knew the rules! The blonde, especially the non-virginal blonde always dies! Penny took a few shallow breaths. No, this was not a movie. This was Sheldon. Her best friend. The man she secretly loved. He was in trouble and she was NOT going to abandon him.

A crashing noise to the left caught her attention. She spun around and gasped. It was Sheldon, but yet not. His clothes were tattered, mostly due to the bulging muscles. His hair was in disarray, and his hands were curled into fists. It was his eyes though, that made her cry out. They were like blue flames. They glowed in the dim light.

He stalked closer, menace and anger in each step. "See a Penny, pick her up. All day long you'll have good luck," he said in a sing-song voice. Penny struggled not to bolt. She was shaking with tension and fear.

"Sheldon? Sweetie? I was so worried." She kept her voice soft and soothing. Sheldon burst out laughing. It wasn't a happy sound.

"Were you?" he asked with deliberate coldness. ""Poor Penny so worried about her crazy whack-a-doodle neighbor. How sad for her." He was only a few feet from her now. "Why should you care about me?" His voice got louder and deeper.

She could see his veins bulging out on his neck and temple. He stopped five feet away. Anger and pain warred within his expression.

"What possible reason could you have for caring about me?!" he screamed.

Tears streamed down her face and she sobbed fretfully. She could only whisper. "Because I love you."

He roared with fury and disbelief as he charged. Shots rang out loudly, making Penny scream and fall to her knees. Acrid smoke and the smell of blood permeated the hall. Penny looked up through her hands and screamed again. She scrambled across the floor and gathered him close. Sheldon gurgled and gasped. He looked up at her with his fiery eyes. Slowly he raised one shaky hand and touched her cheek.

So….rry," he mumbled. "Love ….me?" he asked before coughing spastically.

Penny clutched him tightly to her. "Yes, Sheldon," she said tenderly. "I love you. Only you. Forever you."

He smiled softly and drew in a shaky breath. "Love you…"

Penny sobbed as he grew limp and the breath left his body. Officers were forced to pull her away from him.

* * *

Penny sat down on the porch swing and looked at the setting sun. She swung slightly and sipped her coffee. The sky was turning dark when Meemaw joined her. After a moment she reached over and took Penny's hand in hers. "Tough day, Penny Blossom?"

Penny leaned over and laid her head on Meemaw's shoulder. "Six years ago today, I met him," she said softly.

Meemaw squeezed her hand. When Penny had shown up 17 months earlier, she was broken. It was two weeks after Sheldon was buried. Penny had been little more than an empty shell. Meemaw had taken her in, partly because of her own heartbreak, but also because this young woman had loved her grandson. Still loved him.

Meemaw looked out over the yard to the small graveyard. Her husband was buried there, along with Mary's. The third grave was covered in bright red flowers with yellow rhinestone centers. Only when it was too dark to see anymore did they stand and go back inside.

* * *

**I recently re-read The Strange Case of Dr, Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Couldn't stop thinking about it, especially after the Pasadena Man chapter.**


	25. Hey Puddin'

**For BreathlessFaith who said you gotta love superheroes. Hey, villains need love too. ;)**

* * *

:Comic-Con:

She watched them arrive and make their way to a table. She adjusted her tights and wondered if she was really going to do this. She watched as he leaned his tall frame back in the chair and smirked at his friends. His long fingers curled around his glass and she felt that quivering in her stomach again. They had invited her to Comic-Con and she had told them it wasn't really her thing. Besides, she had to work. Lies on top of lies. Instead, she had waited for them to leave and then hustled down to Stuart's shop. There, Stuart and Captain Sweatpants had helped her get into costume. Then Wil Wheaton had shown up to drive her. Now, here she was, ready to make her move.

She took a deep breath and grinned widely. This was going to be fun.

* * *

Sheldon sighed. He wished Penny had come. He had hoped that this might be the perfect time to express his intentions to her. His friends were caught up in the excitement of the event, and he thought that maybe, even Penny would have enjoyed herself. Ever since the night she had gotten them both drunk and they had ended up in his bed, they had carried out a casual, yet secretive, friends with benefits arrangement. Lately, however, he had wanted to make a change to a more open relationship. One where their friends knew they were a couple.

Howard was adjusting his Penguin monocle, Raj was twirling his Riddler cane and Leonard was checking his Two-face make up when the villainess appeared.

"Hey, Mr. J! Didja miss me?" All four men looked up and froze.

Sheldon blushed bright red as the woman in the perfectly accurate Harley Quinn costume bounced over and threw her arm around his shoulders. Even her voice was pitch perfect for the animated villainess. Sheldon pushed her arm off of him and twitched. "Excuse me?"

"Awww, come on, Puddin'! Aren't ya glad to see me?" she asked as she plopped herself down on his lap.

Sheldon almost jumped up from his chair but he paused. Something wasn't right here. Or rather, something was very right here. He looked suspiciously down at the white and black face peering up at him. No. It couldn't be!

Her fingers walked up his purple jacket and fingered his bowtie. "Hey, I got an idea," she cooed. "Wanna rev up your Harley and take 'er for a spin?" His three friends gaped at him and the voluptuous woman in his lap.

Sheldon gulped and felt his temperature rise a few degrees. Then he caught a whiff of her shampoo and he knew. Sheldon grinned as befitting his costume. He slid his right hand down onto her thigh, and his left went around her waist to rest on her hip.

"You know, sweets, I like what I've heard about you, especially the name. It's a name that puts a smile on my face," he said as he gave her hip a squeeze. He watched as Penny's eye sparkled mischievously.

"In that case, puddin', what do ya say you and I blow this joint and have a few laughs?" Penny was giddy inside. She knew Sheldon had figured her out, but she didn't mind. He was flirting with her openly!

Sheldon stood with her in his arms and allowed her legs to slide to the floor. "Wanna see a card trick, Harley?" he asked. Penny clapped her hand together enthusiastically. Sheldon pulled a deck of cards from his inner coat pocket and spread them out. "Pick one."

Penny picked one and looked at it. "Now, put it back," he said.

Penny slid it back into the deck. Sheldon shuffled the deck, ignoring the way his friends were staring at Penny's figure. He opened his coat and stuck the deck back in his pocket. Then he reached into his pants pocket and pulled out the card key for his hotel room. "Is this your card?"

Penny grinned widely, knees weak with anticipation. "Why yes it is, Mr. J," she purred.

Sheldon tucked her hand in his elbow and looked at their friends. "Good night, gentlemen. Seems I have a prior engagement." Then he walked away, Penny bouncing by his side.

* * *

"Admit it, I had you fooled for a few minutes," Penny said as she curled up against him.

Sheldon stroked her back gently. "Penny, you could disguise yourself as a dalek, and I would know it was you."

She grinned and kissed his jaw. "Yes, but would you still want to have coitus with me if I was a dalek?"

Sheldon pulled her on top of him. He cupped her breasts and smirked. "We can find out next year."


	26. His Genie In A Bottle

**What would your wishes be?**

* * *

:His Genie:

Stuart sold him a box of old ashcan comics for $10. None of the comics were particularly valuable, but a couple helped complete a few collections he had. Also in the box was a battered Green Lantern lunchbox, a happy meal toy for Batman Returns and a cut glass bottle with a stopper. Sheldon only glanced at the bottle before storing it away.

**2 years later**

The olive oil bottle had a chip in the top rim. Sheldon's eye twitched as he considered what to do.

He could throw it away and buy a new bottle. But he had just bought this bottle two days prior.

He could ignore the chip. No, he couldn't.

He could store the olive oil in a different container. That was just ludicrous.

Sheldon paused. Or was it? His eidetic memory brought up the cut glass bottle. That would work. Sheldon opened the hall closet and looked at the bottle on the shelf. Yes, it was large enough, and it was in pristine order. Or rather it would be once it was thoroughly washed and sanitized.

He carried it out to the kitchen and set it in the sink. He filled the basin with hot soapy water and carefully scrubbed the outside of the bottle. Once that was accomplished he removed the stopper and used a bottle brush to scour the inside. Sheldon rinsed it, inspected his work and then set it in the drain to dry. He washed the sink and counter and then turned around.

"Hello." Sheldon stood immobile as the woman sitting on his table smiled at him. "Thanks, sweetie. I was beginning to think I'd never get another chance to stretch my legs."

Slowly he backed up and tried to pry his eyes from her. "How did you get in here? And where are your clothes?" he managed to gasp.

The blonde grinned widely. "You put me here, and what's wrong with my clothes?"

Sheldon gulped and struggled not to look her over. He failed miserably. His eyes moved down her body, taking in the filmy, barely there harem outfit. A blush spread over his cheeks and he quickly closed his eyes. A soft giggle floated on the air.

"Is this better?" she asked smugly.

Sheldon inched one eye open and groaned. The thin halter top did little to conceal her ample assets. The jeans were snug enough that he was fairly certain he could see her femoral pulse through the material. Now her hair was up in a ponytail instead of loose around her shoulders.

"No?" she asked innocently. "Back to the harem pants, then."

"NO!" Sheldon startled himself by objecting loudly. His blush deepened and he looked down. "I mean, please, no." Sheldon frowned. "Wait! Who are you and why are you in my apartment?"

She extended her feet and looked at the sneakers on her feet. Sheldon felt light headed as the sneakers faded away and were replaced with brown leather boots. He watched the blonde beauty glare slightly and then the boots changed into black suede. She nodded happily and then looked up at him.

"Now, what did you say?" she asked with a perky grin.

Sheldon narrowed his eyes. "What are you?"

She slid from the table top and bounced over and slipped her arm through his. "I'm your genie, sweetie. You summoned me, and so, here I am."

Sheldon tried to pull away, but his arm refused to obey his mind. In fact, it moved of it's own accord and bent in a gentlemanly fashion. Sheldon whimpered as a tingle went up his arm and spread through his chest. "Dear lord! I'm having a heart attack! I'm only 25! I haven't won my Nobel yet!"

The blonde giggled. "Sorry! Should have warned you. Touching a genie is a bit like touching a live wire. You'll get used to it."

Sheldon did manage to jerk away this time. "I beg your pardon, madam! I do not intend to 'get used to it', because I have no intention of touching you!"

"Pendulum." She smiled up at him with twinkling green eyes. He immediately thought of Green Lantern. Which made him think of the shirt he had just ordered. Sheldon's pulse sped up as he watched her shirt slowly change color. In seconds her shirt was an exact replica of the one he had ordered.

Startled sapphire blue eyes locked onto startled emerald green ones. A flash of fear crossed her expression, gone before he could be sure he was seeing what he thought he was. Slowly she put a few more inches of space between them.

"Pendulum?" he asked curiously. Sheldon couldn't resist taking a small step closer to her. He was intrigued to see her step back. Fascinating.

"My name," she said softly. "My name is Pendulum."

He watched her ponytail sway as she moved. He had liked it better loose. Both of them gasped as her hair ribbon suddenly disappeared and her locks flowed down across her shoulders. Sheldon reached out and slid his fingers through a curl.

"What is happening?" he whispered.

"You're my catalyst," she murmured as her eyes followed his hand. "You can change my appearance to suit your wishes."

Sheldon felt a surge of protectiveness as he heard the fear in her voice. "How can I do that?"

She gulped and looked up into his eyes. "I don't want to say."

"I want to know," he said, surprising even himself with his commanding tone.

Pendulum blinked quickly. "Genies can be summoned by anyone. But for each genie there is only one true master. His or her catalyst. The one person who can use the genie's powers to their fullest."

Sheldon frowned and moved closer, unable to deny the pull between them. "So, if you are a genie, you owe me 3 wishes, right?"

Pendulum shook her head. "Misconception," she said softly. "There's no wishes. A genie isn't like in the Disney movies. I'm a helper. Like if you are unhappy, I help you find happiness. Say you're in a crappy job, I help you find your dream job and put you on the path for success." She backed up a couple of steps more.

Sheldon felt warmth spread through him as he watched her lick her lips. "I have my dream job," he replied, a bit of twang in his voice.

"Maybe you want to be rich? I can help build a kickass portfolio." Her breathing was growing more shallow.

Sheldon reached out to steady her as she stumbled over the step up into the hall. His fingers tingled again. "I have more than enough money for my needs."

"Life of the party?" she whispered.

He slowly followed her retreat down the hall, growing more and more certain of what it was he _did_ want with each step. "I don't like crowds."

Pendulum was growing more and more agitated with each passing second. She gasped when her jeans were suddenly replaced with skimpy little shorts. "May…maybe you would like to be famous."

Sheldon shook his head and his fingers flexed in anticipation. He was now absolutely certain what he wanted. Something he had never wanted before. Something he had never given more that a cursory thought to before. "I have an idea," he said with a predatory gleam in his eyes.

Pendulum moaned softly as her back hit a door. Sheldon moved closer until their bodies were barely brushing each others. He reached out and turned the knob and the door popped open behind her. She stumbled back and her legs hit the side of a bed. Sheldon stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

He stalked over to her and reached his hand up to brush his knuckles along her cheek. "Do I get my wish?" he asked softly.

Pendulum sighed and gave in to the desire churning inside her. "Yes."

* * *

Leonard, Howard and Raj were dragging the newly acquired sofa into Leonard's new apartment. "So, what's your roommate like?" Howard asked.

Leonard frowned and adjusted his glasses. "He's a bit high strung, I think. Kind of strange. I only met him 4 days ago."

A door opening and closing down the hall drew their attention. The three men gawked at the sexy blonde in the Batman shirt as she walked into the bathroom. A second later Sheldon appeared around the corner. "Good afternoon, Leonard. Who are they?"

Leonard quickly introduced his new friends. "Umm, who was the woman?" He was hoping Sheldon would say sister or cousin.

Sheldon smirked. "She's our newest roommate, Penny."

Leonard frowned. "But we only have two bedrooms."

Sheldon nodded. They heard the shower turn on. "Yes, two bedrooms. You have one, and we have the other." Then Sheldon walked to the bathroom and slipped inside, pulling off his layered shirts as he closed the door.

Eventually Leonard got used to most of his roommates' strange behaviors. He never did figure out why they kept a bottle olive oil in their room, though.


	27. The Motel

**Would you stay the night?**

* * *

:The Motel:

Penny bit her lip and looked at the motel. The vacancy sign was lit. There were no other cars in the lot, and the pounding rain made it hard to see into the gloom clearly. With a sigh Penny grabbed her purse and opened the car door. She dashed toward the door under the lit OFFICE sign.

The office was sparsely furnished. A counter held a register for signing in and a small plaque that read No Whistling. A calendar graced one wall. Behind the counter was a peg board full of keys. A door opened and a man walked in. Penny flinched at the intense look in his eyes.

"May I help you," he asked emotionlessly.

"I need a room for the night," she said softly.

The man's cerulean eyes raked over her. "It is $40 a night."

Penny glared at his obvious derision. She opened her purse and grabbed her wallet. She slapped two twenties on the counter and crossed her arms. He raise one eyebrow imperiously and turned around. He plucked a key from the board and placed a pen on the register. Penny scrawled her name and swiped the key from his outstretched hand. She hurried out the door and sprinted to room 5.

Once inside she shed her damp coat and looked around. The room was neat, if bare. A bed, an end table and a small dresser were the sum total of furnishings. On the back of the door was a schedule that listed when the room was cleaned. On the end table was a notepad and a pencil.

Penny walked back to the bathroom and turned on the light. It was pristine. There was a tub, a toilet and a counter with a single basin sink. Penny hung her coat over the shower curtain and wrapped a towel around her hair. On the counter were tiny bottles of shampoo, conditioner and hand sanitizer.

She heard a knock and moved back into the main room. She opened the door slightly to find the man from the office waiting patiently. He held out a couple of bottles.

"You have very long hair. The shampoo and conditioner may not be sufficient."

Penny opened the door wider and stammered out a thank you. Lightning flashed and startled her. It also illuminated the cliff beside the motel. A large house sat at the top. Penny noticed a single light on upstairs, and a silhouette of a person. The man glanced at the house and then back to her.

"That is my house," he said calmly.

Penny tilted her head slightly. "Oh. So you're the owner here?"

He nodded. "Yes. I am Sheldon Cooper."

Penny smiled shyly. "I'm Penny. Penny Queen. Do you live here all alone?"

Sheldon shook his head. "I live with my Meemaw."

Penny jumped slightly when more lightning flashed. "Well, thank you for the extras," she said softly.

Sheldon nodded and walked away. Penny closed the door and moved back to the bathroom. She shed her cold damp clothes and stepped into the tub.

* * *

Sheldon pulled on rubber gloves and rolled the shower curtain and towels into a ball. He stuffed them into a garbage bag and then sprayed bleach on the tub. He scrubbed until he was satisfied and then stood. He gathered everything up, logged the cleaning on the chart on the door, and exited the room. He put away the cleaning supplies and threw the garbage bag containing the bloody towels and curtain into the furnace. Then he hung back up the key to room 5 and went outside. He walked up the path to his home calmly.

He stepped inside and hung up his coat. "Meemaw, I've returned."

He walked into the living room and pulled a beaded shawl across his shoulders. A soft lilting voice floated through the air.

"Such a good boy, Moon Pie."


	28. Leonard To The Rescue?

**For those I creeped out with the last one, I present this one….**

* * *

:Rescued?:

Leonard Harker rushed across the grounds with his cohorts, Howard Van Helsing and Rajesh Seward. The burst into the castle and raced up the ornate staircase. They burst into the bedroom and discovered Barry Renfield and Bernadette Westernra standing by a window.

Vlad Cooper was leaning ominously over the delicate frame of Penny Murray. Leonard sprang forward and thrust a silver crucifix at the Romanian.

"Stop that," Penny said sternly, slapping the religious artifact to the floor.

"Penny, my love! I have come to rescue you from this foul creature of the night!" Leonard declared.

"Excuse me," Vlad said with an affronted air. "I'll have you know I shower twice a day!"

"This place has indoor plumbing?" Penny asked eagerly. Vlad smiled and nodded. Penny pumped a fist. "Score!"

Howard moved a step closer. "Miss Murray, this is not a man! He is a vampire! He will drink your blood and make you one also!"

Penny frowned at the crusaders. She held up a hand and began counting off on her fingers. "Live forever, never worry about weight gain, he's rich and I get to live in a castle. Besides, he's tall, dark and oh so sexy. What girl in her right mind would turn him down?"

Leonard turned a blotchy red with anger. "You would sell your soul to keep from gaining a pound?" he asked incredulously.

Penny rolled her eyes. "He's got minions!"

Vlad's crystal blue eyes smiled down at her. "You will make an excellent vampiress."

Penny moved close and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Thank you, sweetie."

The three would be rescuers looked around sheepishly. Barry and Bernadette were thumb wrestling. Penny and Vlad were kissing. "Well," Rajesh said slowly, "if we're not needed…"

Howard tugged a protesting Leonard out of the room. "Why him?" Harker whined.

"You have to admit, he _is_ a pretty rich guy," Rajesh said.

Howard nodded. "Yeah, and most women seem to find him attractive."

Leonard sighed and hung his head. "Now what?"

The other two shrugged. "Beers and wenching at the tavern?" Howard asked. Rajesh and Leonard nodded.

Penny was just tilting her head to the side for easy access when the wolves outside began baying. "What beautiful music they make," she murmured as Vlad made her his.


	29. The Beast of Friends

**Good thing he didn't eat her. This one isn't a romance fic. Just a friend fic. :)  
**

* * *

:Friends:

"Will you stop that infernal racket?!"

Penalyn jumped and almost fell over a log. The whistling died on her lips as she steadied herself. She turned and stared wide eyed at the large shaggy creature lumbering toward her. He was glaring and his lips were drawn back in a snarl. She paused and looked at him closely. Normally she would put hoof to path and sprint away from a wendigo, but this one was…unusual. He was 8 feet tall, covered in glossy black hair. He had a book in one hand and a quill behind one ear. He smelled more like charcoal and ink than blood and rotting meat.

"Are you going to eat me?" she asked curiously.

He shuddered in horror. "Of course not! I have no idea where you come from. You could be infected with any number of parasites!" He paused and looked her over carefully.

She had long blonde hair and forest green eyes. Her tunic was tight over ample breasts. Her haunch was covered in a thick golden pelt. Her hooves were painted red. "Wait a minute. What are you?"

Penalyn shrugged self-consciously. "I'm a faun."

The wendigo snorted. "Fauns are male. You are not male. Therefore, you are not a faun."

She placed her hands on her hips and glared at him. "I was cursed, okay? And it wasn't even my fault! I can't help it if Amaler's boy toy had a thing for me, now can I? I never encouraged the little hobbit! Besides, I had my eye set on a much more lofty goal. The Queen's son, Sir Zakanidus was so close to being mine!"

Heldon could only stare in exasperation as she went off on a tirade about jealous witches and lost opportunities. She trotted back and forth and flung her hands about in an unnerving manner. He briefly considered eating her just to shut her up. However, he had just bathed in the creek and was reluctant to get blood in his hair. Finally she wound down and huffed angrily.

"Don't you agree?" she asked crossly.

He rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Look, just stop the whistling, okay? It gives me a headache." He turned and headed back to his abode. He had only gone a few steps when he noticed her shadow along side his. He paused and looked over his shoulder. She was looking around the area, a few paces behind him.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

Penalyn smiled brightly. "Following you."

He snarled at her impertinence. "Why?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I'm lonely. I can't hang out with the other fauns. They go all horn toad on me. The nymphs don't like me because I'm cursed. The hippocampus says he wants to be friends, but I think he's just looking for an easy meal. The phoenix keeps sneezing soot. Trolls and ghouls stink, and the unicorn keeps going on and on about how beautiful she is. Oh and those harpies? Serious anger management issues!"

"I do not encourage visitors." He tried to glare at her, but she was looking at a couple of fairies riding on a bumble bee.

"So it's just us, then?" she asked absently.

He gaped at her. "No! It's just me!"

Penalyn shook her head sweetly. "Aww, don't worry. You're not alone anymore. I'll be your friend."

Heldon sputtered and tried to think of something to say, but she linked her slender arm through his hairy one and tugged him further down the path.

* * *

He slumped in his chair grumpily. That faun was going to be the death of him! No matter what he said, she simply refused to go away. She was loud and energetic and a menace. It had been four days since they had met and he hadn't known a moments peace since. She chattered endlessly. She never seemed to sit still. And worst of all, she kept invading his personal space!

He had went to bed early that first night in an effort to escape her. He had awoken at dawn to find her curled up beside him on his bed. When he ranted, she just patted his arm comfortingly and offered him a clutch of pixies she had caught before coming to bed.

Then she had interrupted his morning bath the next day. He was waist deep in water when she appeared and sat down on a boulder. She had asked him question after question. Where was he from, did he always use this shape, did he have any family, etc. All he wanted was a few minutes of privacy to clean the cave dust from his hair and she was determined to hear his life story.

If it wasn't for her knack of finding the most delectable foods, he would have broken her legs and left her to die. No way was he eating her. She'd give him indigestion. Besides, he grudgingly admitted, she was kind of pretty. And she was soft and warm against his back at night.

She followed him everywhere. She was always at his side. He admitted she was useful at times. Like the day the villagers nearby tried to destroy him. Seeing a female faun had distracted them. Having that female faun go on a rampage had deterred them. A few well placed kicks, and the curses she screamed had convinced them he was being punished enough already. Heldon chuckled. She really was fascinating sometimes.

* * *

Penalyn snuggled closer and pressed her head against his back. He was so warm and soft. She sighed contentedly. When she had first been cursed, she had cried every night. She had dreamed of all the balls and parties she had attended, She had imagined the prince would find her and rescue her. She had been sad and alone and scared. Then she met Heldon. There was something about the gentle wendigo that drew her in. He would never admit it, she was sure, but he carried a great deal of loneliness inside him. He wasn't like the others, and being the oddball was never fun. Suddenly Heldon pulled away and rolled over. He looked at her closely.

"You aren't going anywhere, are you?" Penalyn smiled softly and shook her head. A tenderness stole across his face briefly. He reached out and pulled her into the crook of his arm. "Fine. But I don't like it," he groused. Penalyn smiled widely and snuggled against his chest. Above her head, Heldon grinned slightly, glad his thick fur hid his blush from his only friend.

* * *

As the years passed, each generation in the village spoke in proud tones of the bloodthirsty faun and the bookish wendigo. They never feared invaders. The faun kept the forest clear of anyone who could be a potential threat to her friend. They also never worried about their crops. The wendigo had a partiality for the pixies that normally plagued farmlands. It was a mutually beneficial agreement. They kept the location of the beasts secret and the beasts kept them safe.


	30. Three Times She Left Him Stunned

**Three times Penny dresses up.**

* * *

**:His Particular Poison:**

His mouth was dry and his palms were sweaty. His knees were wobbly and his stomach was churning. His pulse pounded in his ears. His eyes narrowed as he watched her.

The green tights were opaque. The bodysuit clung tightly. Vines twisted around her left leg, across her stomach, and curled around one breast. Leaves decorated her crimson wig. Her green lips glistened under large emerald eyes.

A guy in a Captain America costume approached her with a leering grin. He watched her cock her hip out and flip her hair back as she continued to speak with Howard and Bernadette in their Ash Ketchum and Misty costumes. Captain America reached out and caressed her arm.

He didn't even realize he was moving until he was pressed right up against her back, glaring at the Avenger. He slid an arm around her waist and she smiled up at him enticingly. The guy held up his hands in surrender and backed away with a rueful grin.

"Moon Pie, Spock isn't supposed to get jealous," she laughed gently.

Sheldon looked down into her smiling eyes. "Spock never had a woman like Poison Ivy to watch over."

Penny laughed and placed a tender kiss on his lips, making him blush happily.

* * *

**:Mario Party:**

Sheldon brushed his mustache carefully and huffed impatiently. He smoothed his Luigi cap and looked around. Leonard was adjusting his Mario suspenders. Howard was using his King Koopa claws to playfully menace Bernadette and Amy in their Princess Peach and Princess Daisy gowns. Raj was trying to keep his Toadstool hat from falling over his eyes.

Just as he was about to begin complaining, the lobby doors opened and Penny came out. Sheldon's eyes narrowed and his face turned slightly red. Penny was wearing a trench coat and wide brimmed hat.

"Penny! You are supposed to be Holly Koopa! Not Carmen Sandiego!" he exclaimed. Penny rolled her eyes and headed to Bernadette's car. She slipped into the back without a word.

Sheldon moved closer. "Penny, did you hear me? I asked you.." Penny placed her hand over his mouth and turned to Leonard.

"Can we go please?" she asked.

Sheldon jerked away from her and stormed away. "She is ruining everything!" he muttered. He climbed in the car and buckled up. Then he crossed his arms angrily and ignored everyone.

Soon the two cars pulled up at Cal-Tech for the costume party. The moment the cars stopped, Sheldon scrambled out and hurried to the entrance, refusing to glance at Penny. He kept his eyes forward as they registered for the costume contest. In fact, it wasn't until Kripke dropped his drink and Winkle stopped talking and gawked, that he turned around. Penny had shed the trench coat and wide brimmed hat. Sheldon's brain shut down.

Her hair was pilled into a ponytail on top of her head. It was threaded through a small blue pillbox hat. The tip of her ponytail was dyed red. She was wearing a form-hugging black cat suit. On her back was a large orange windup key.

Penny smiled at something Amy said and his brain sputtered back to life. Kripke walked over and leered.

"Woxanne is da bomb," he said with a smirk.

Sheldon shook his head. "No, she is the Bob-omb," he replied. Sheldon felt a shiver run down his back as he finally acknowledged to himself that where Penny was concerned, he was no Homo Novus after all.

* * *

**:Her Doppler Effect:**

**(Thursday)**

The door opened and the guys looked up to see Penny walk in. She walked over and held out a sheet of paper to Sheldon. He took it and scanned it quickly. He looked up at Penny and then read it a second time.

"I will want this witnessed and notarized, you understand," he said with a touch of glee.

Penny nodded. "Yep. I promise not to call you by your Meemaw's nickname for 6 months, and you have a free pass to clean my apartment whenever you see fit for one year." The other three gasped and stared at her. "In exchange, I get to borrow your Doppler costume and your Flash costume for the weekend. I also promise to have them dry cleaned and returned unharmed by next Friday."

The guys looked between her and Sheldon warily.

Sheldon narrowed his eyes. "Why?"

"I'm going to stay with a group of friends in Vegas this weekend. We have decided to make it a costume event. Each night has a theme. Friday is sports day. We wear our favorite team jerseys and we can only speak by yelling, as if we were at a game. Saturday is gender pop culture night. Everyone goes as a popular pop culture icon, only in the opposite gender. I'll go as a female Flash. Sunday is non-human night. Most will go as aliens or, say, salt and pepper shakers. I'll go as the Doppler Effect."

Sheldon stared at the paper for a couple of moments. "Deal," he said. He had Raj and Howard sign the paper as witnesses and then stamped it. He walked back to his room and returned with two garment bags. Penny thanked him and left.

**(Sunday)**

The guys were on the fifth Star Trek movie when the door burst open. Penny walked in and the reactions were immediate. Howard groaned and slid off the arm of the couch. Raj spit his water all over his lap. Leonard dropped his fork. Sheldon swallowed hard and turned a bright red.

Penny's hair was slicked back into a tight bun. Her lips were black with thin white stripes to match the costume. Her eyes were smoky. Sheldon's costume fit. Barely. The pants were tight enough to show the line of her thong. The top was tight enough to show she wasn't wearing a bra. Penny moved across the room and leaned down to place a quick kiss on Sheldon's lips.

"Thank you sweetie! I won first place last night and tonight! I'll drop your costumes off in the morning at the dry cleaners." She waved at the others and then left.

Slowly Howard looked over at the others. "Wow," he said with a wiggle of his eyebrows. "Who knew something that was neither sound nor light could be so sexy!"

Raj and Leonard nodded and added their own agreements. Silently Sheldon agreed, too. Very sexy indeed.


	31. Wish Bear, Friend Bear, Fear Bear?

**I should probably apologize for this one ahead of time. But I won't. You've more than likely read the other stories so you should have known what you were getting into. :P**

* * *

:Toys:

Penny wiped away the sweat stinging her eyes. She looked over at Raj and glared. He looked back at her sheepishly. If it wasn't for the fact that he was bleeding, she might have punched him. Repeatedly. She tied the strip of cotton around his calf tightly and sat back on her heels.

Sheldon glanced over and shook his head. "I can't hear them anymore," he whispered.

Leonard sighed with relief. "So, it's over, right?" He collapsed on the floor and ran a hand through his curls. Suddenly a bright green hand latched onto his shoulder and pulled him down under the couch. Howard and Raj screamed loudly as Penny grabbed Leonard's legs and tried to pull him back out. Dozens of tiny gloved hands clutched at his shirt, drawing him further under the couch.

Leonard's screams began to die down and a small trickle of blood run along the wooden floor. Sheldon snagged Penny around the waist and sprinted toward the bedrooms. The others scrambled after them. From the corner of her eye Penny could see the horrors give chase.

**35 Minutes Earlier**

Penny watched Raj unlock the silver case he had brought into the apartment. He was super excited, as where the other guys. Even Bernadette and Amy were giddy.

"An actual piece of ZJNS-5493," Raj said. "A piece of a meteorite from Jupiter."

Sheldon moved closer. "How did you get it?"

Raj blushed slightly. "Technically I don't have it." Everyone looked at him and he shrugged. "I'll put it back tomorrow, no one will ever know." He sipped his beer confidently as he flipped back the lid with one hand.

Penny glanced at the item and frowned. Looked like an ordinary piece of gravel to her. She stood and patted him on the shoulder. Then she said her goodbyes and headed across the hall. She'd rather watch Ghost Hunters than stare at a rock.

She let herself into her apartment and moved toward the couch. She paused and listened carefully. There was a scratching noise coming from her bedroom. Penny grabbed her bat and headed over. Stupid ass burglar was about to meet Omaha hospitality. She flung open the door and swung hard. It's probably what saved her life.

The guys looked up in alarm as Penny bolted through their door and locked it behind her. Seconds later thumping could be heard on the other side. Leonard hurried over.

"Penny? What's wrong?"

She was gasping for breath. Sheldon rushed to the kitchen and grabbed the first aid kit. There was blood on her cheeks from long scratches.

"Penny, have you tangled with a cat?" Amy asked.

Penny gasped. "Care bears…. Ponies… alive… tried to kill me…."

They all looked at her in shock. "Penny, are you saying your stuffed animals tried to kill you," Bernadette asked cautiously. Penny nodded frantically. Sheldon immediately began checking her head for bumps.

She slapped his hands away and growled. "Yes! They are alive! They tried to bite me!"

Sheldon reached out and lifted her right eyelid. He opened his mouth to speak but a startled screech from behind them made everyone jump. Bernadette was spinning around, slapping at her hair. Howard darted forward and grabbed something small and threw it to the ground. Everyone watched fearfully as the Darth Vader Potato Head toy lumbered back to it's feet and swung it's little light saber. Penny dashed forward and kicked it hard against the fridge where it exploded apart, arms, helmet and mouth piece flying off in different directions.

Leonard let out his own high pitched squeal as the Han Solo figure on the desk threw it's gun at him. All around them action figures began to move closer. Bernadette and Amy rushed for the bathroom. The guys jumped behind the couch, Sheldon pulling Penny along with him.

**The Present**

Howard and Raj slammed Sheldon's bedroom door closed and locked it. They leaned on it heavily and tried to catch their breath. After a moment Howard looked around.

"Where's Penny and Sheldon?" he asked suddenly.

Penny shoved the dresser against the door and turned to Sheldon. He was ripping a pillow from it's case. Penny hurried over to his side and helped him. The figures in Leonard's room were just starting to stir as they shoved them in the pillowcase. They gathered them all and threw the pillowcase out the window.

They jerked around as they heard a strangled scream from the other side of the wall. They slowly looked at each other and it clicked right then. They would likely die here. The apartment was filled with hundreds of action figures and dolls. They were trapped.

Neither one was sure who moved first. Or who responded second. All they knew was that they were suddenly tearing each others clothes off, frantically kissing each other. In just moments Penny was pressed up against the wall, her shorts dangling from one foot. Sheldon's plaid pants were tangled around his feet. He entered her slowly, growling deep in his throat as she licked his Adam's apple.

"PennyPennyPenny," he whispered as he began to move. Each thrust came quicker than the last. Penny wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. Their tongues dueled as she tightened her muscles around him. Their heightened emotions and fears sped them along as they moved wildly with each other.

Sheldon groaned as he erupted inside her. He gripped her hips and pushed in deeper, harder. Seconds later Penny shoved her mouth against his to stifle her scream as her orgasm hit. They both slid to the floor weakly.

Neither of them knew how long they lay there, waiting for their racing pulses to slow down. Eventually they both stood and got dressed. They were silent, not looking at each other.

Sheldon had just finished buckling his belt when there was a knock on the door. They both glanced at each other guiltily and then moved forward.

"Penny? Sheldon?" Bernadette's voice called out hopefully.

Penny shoved the dresser away and opened the door slightly. She looked out and then opened it wide. Bernadette, Howard, and Amy stood there. Raj was leaning against the wall by Sheldon's door, his hand wrapped up in a t-shirt.

"Are they gone?" Penny asked guardedly. Amy nodded and smiled. She held up Leonard's can of hairspray and the lighter she used for her monkey's cigarettes.

"Homemade flame thrower-1, plastic toys-0," Amy said smugly.

Penny grinned ferociously. She grabbed the aerosol canister and lighter and stormed out of the bedroom. "Excuse me. I have a care bear collection to see to."

**4 Hours Later**

Sheldon stood in front of her door, surveying the scorched carpet apprehensively. He raised his hand and knocked softly three times. After a moment the door opened and Penny looked up at him with concern.

Sheldon put his hands behind his back. "I terminated my relationship with Amy."

Penny looked at him sadly. "Because of what happened?" Sheldon nodded. Penny bit back a sob. "I'm so sorry, Sheldon. This is all my fault! I'm so sorry."

He looked up at her worriedly. "I'm not," he whispered.

Penny gasped softly. "Sheldon, what do you mean?"

He reached out and cupped her jaw. "The events of today showed me what, or rather, who it is I really want to be with. They also showed Amy that she was not satisfied with me. It would appear she has harbored feelings for a certain comic book shop owner all this time."

A smile broke over Penny's face. "No bazinga?"

Sheldon grinned and shook his head. "No bazinga."

Penny flung her arms around him and kissed him passionately. Sheldon maneuvered them inside the apartment and closed the door behind them. It would be hours before he noticed the burned couch and carpet. His focus was centered on the blonde in his arms.


	32. A Clockwork Cooper

**A suggestion from Darkly Dreaming. The lines between Sheldon and Leonard are her brilliant words. I hope she likes how it ended up.  
**

* * *

:Revenge:

Leonard threw the garbage bags into the dumpster and headed back toward the building. His phone rang and he pulled it out of his pocket. Penny. He sighed. So far they still hadn't caught a break. From the moment he had returned from the North Pole, something kept popping up to keep them apart. A 6 foot something. When they brought Sheldon back from Texas two weeks ago, he had immediately latched onto Penny. He claimed she was his only friend and he was constantly by her side, even going so far as to ask her to sleep on their couch.

Leonard frowned with exasperation. He was really starting to get frustrated. He started to open up the text but without warning, he felt a sharp pain in his neck and everything went dark.

* * *

Raj was just settling in for the night when the lights went out. "Damn!" he said sharply. The Notebook was just starting! He was going to miss it! He stood up and moved to the windows. Hmmm, the rest of the buildings were still lit. He must have thrown a breaker. He walked to the bedroom to check. It was very dark. He was halfway across the room when two arms wrapped around him. A hand clamped a rag over his mouth and he smelled chloroform and a faint whiff of vanilla before succumbing to unconsciousness.

* * *

Howard looked around the cafeteria forlornly. Raj had sent an e-mail calling in sick. Leonard hadn't bothered to show at all. He suspected Leonard was trying to get some alone time with Penny while Sheldon was working. He picked at his beefaroni and sighed. Things were pretty stressed between them all right now. The arctic trip was hanging over all their heads.

"Howard?"

He looked up in surprise to see Penny approaching. She hurried over with teary eyes. He stood quickly and held out a chair for her. She latched onto his arm. "Howard, have you seen Sheldon? He called and said he was leaving again!"

Howard gasped and moved around the table. "He was in his office earlier. Let's go see if he still is!"

Howard led the way to Sheldon's office but they found it empty. A passing grad student paused and asked if they were looking for Dr. Cooper. He then told them he had seen Dr. Cooper boarding a bus.

They looked at each other with fear. Sheldon never rode the bus if he could help it. Penny took Howard's arm and pulled him down the hall. They rushed to her car and got in. Penny pulled out of the parking lot and sped down the street.

Howard pulled out his phone and began dialing Sheldon's cell phone. It went straight to voice mail. He called the apartment but got no answer. "Okay. So, where would he go?" Howard asked.

Penny nibbled her lip. "I have an idea. We'll check there before we try the apartment. It's somewhere he likes to go for privacy."

Guilt settled in Howard's gut. This was bad. He wished he could go back and stop them from even going to the arctic. He hadn't wanted to go anyway! He watched the scenery change. Buildings dropped away and they found themselves on a tree lined road. Howard looked around apprehensively.

"Penny, where are we?" he asked, noticing the darkening sky.

Penny started to slow down and then turned right onto a small dirt road. "There's a small house out here. Sheldon comes here sometimes."

He looked at her with surprise. "Way out here? How do you know?"

A light shone through the trees and distracted him. Penny parked in front of the house and got out. She began walking to the door.

"I've driven him here many times," she said simply. Howard joined her by the door.

"Really? How come he never mentioned this place to us?"

Penny smiled slightly. "You're not his deal."

Howard frowned. "His…" His jaw dropped as he looked at Penny. "Are you saying you and Sheldon …..No!" he said with disbelief.

Penny opened the door and pushed Howard inside. She shut the door and headed across the main room. Howard followed quickly, dozens of questions and innuendos spinning in his head. Penny opened a door and he saw a brightly lit stairwell. He followed Penny down into the basement trying to think of what to say first.

"So, you are telling me that you and Sheldon come here. And have sex. With Sheldon. Mr. "Coitus is uninteresting" Cooper?" Howard asked with amazement.

"Doctor. And I never said it was uninteresting." Howard jumped and spun around. Sheldon was leaning against a post watching him. "I said I found your fervent pursuit of it uninteresting."

Howard started to take a step back. But Penny was right behind him. He turned to face her and she smiled viciously as she swung her fist and knocked him out.

* * *

Slowly Howard opened his eyes. He looked around groggily. It took a moment to realize what he was seeing. He was sitting between Leonard and Raj. They were both gagged and tied to a chair like he was. They both looked exhausted. Their eyes were red and bloodshot. Their skin was pale. He heard a noise and looked forward. Sheldon was sitting in a chair, Penny standing between his legs, his arms wrapped loosely around her waist.

He watch as Penny bent and kissed Sheldon leisurely and then moved to stand beside him. Sheldon smiled slightly up at her and then faced the three men.

"Glad you could join us, Howard. I suppose you are a bit confused. Let me explain. You three are our guests." Sheldon said calmly. "Penny and I have spent the last two weeks setting up everything for your stay. We're pretty isolated here. So, it is very unlikely anyone will come along to help you. But as a precaution, we will be keeping you gagged, separated, and drugged during your stay."

Penny smirked. "Also, I have vacation time built up, and I'll be here most of the time."

Sheldon smiled up at her fondly and then turned back to them. "Now, let me explain what's going on. Penny and I have decided that none of you are very good people. You are dishonest, untrustworthy, and cruel. Not exactly stellar characteristics. But we don't think you're hopeless. You just need …reprogramming."

Sheldon stood and picked up three sets of night vision goggles. "I've modified these. They are no longer goggles. Now they are transmitters. Kind of like small, wearable televisions." He moved closer, ignoring their muffled cries and agitated wiggling. He began slipping them over their heads as Penny moved to power up the laptop on the desk.

She looked over at the trio. "Ever see A Clockwork Orange? Great movie," she grinned.

Sheldon stepped back and surveyed his friends. "Anyone have anything to say before we begin?"

Leonard frantically jerked his head around. Penny moved to his side and pulled out his gag.

Leonard coughed and shifted his sore jaw trying to relieve some tension. He glared at his roommate angrily. "Sheldon, what the hell has gotten into you?!"

Sheldon smiled and leaned back against the desk. "I have finally embraced chaos."

Penny shoved the gag back in place and adjusted the goggles over each man's eyes. Sheldon started the program on the laptop and turned toward to follow Penny up the stairs. He closed the basement door and turned to see Penny slipped her shirt over her head. His pulse sped up and he moved to press up against her.

"So, you like embracing the chaos, huh?" Penny asked with a laugh.

Sheldon kissed her deeply. "I like embracing your chaos," he replied. "You are a devilish woman, Penny."

She slipped her hands under his shirts. "Are you complaining?"

He shook his head and walked her back to the couch. "Never."

* * *

There was a bit of talk at first. Having one scientist go nuts wasn't unusual. Having three do it all at the same time was cause for curiosity at the very least. Most attributed it to the recent three months spent cooped up on a frozen tundra with no relief. A few postulated the idea that three months with Dr. Cooper may have broken them. Whatever the reason was, no one was surprised what happened next. Still, Metropolitan State Hospital was a nice place. They'd like it there.


	33. Warrior Woman

**Can't you just picture Sheldon in a toga?**

* * *

:Warrior Woman:

He yawned widely. The crowd was as boisterous as usual. They were easily amused. Throw a few warriors into the arena, maybe a lion or wolf, and they were happy.

He was not so easily amused. He yearned for something new. Slaves cleared the arena floor of the fallen as he gulped down the last of his wine. He stood to leave just as the gates below opened. A gasp went up from the crowd and he turned to see what had surprised them so.

Her hair was the color of wheat. Her skin was bronzed by the sun. Her leather tunic was little protection. She wore bracers on her sinewy arms. She strode out proudly. Defiantly. With head held high she looked all around the arena. She carried an axe over her shoulder.

He slowly took his seat again. A woman? Gladiatrixes were rare. Very rare. Few women made it through the hardships of training. Most ended up crippled or dead.

Another gate rose and three barbarians strode out. He watched with concern as the three men began to circle her, weapons poised. She stood perfectly still. Her eyes followed them, but she did not assume a defensive posture.

His heart began to pound with a mixture of anticipation and fear. This end was obvious. She had been sent out to her death. But she did not plead, or cringe, or try to run. He watched her face her opponents fearlessly. Suddenly she exploded into action.

She was grace personified. She moved with a fluidity he had never seen before. The men did not stand a chance. She lunged and spun and whirled. Her axe sliced through an arm in one second, and her fist connected with a jaw in the next. He watched, blood pounding in his ears, as she launched herself onto the one armed man's back and used him as a shield. The attacker's mace crushed the man's head and she ducked under the flailing arms to bury her axe in the attacker's chest. The man she had punched rushed her from the side and she rolled with him across the dirt floor. She used their momentum to roll him underneath her. She slammed her elbow into his neck several times before scrambling away. By the time he made it to his feet she was striding back. Without any hesitation she swung the axe and separated his head from his shoulders.

The crowd was screaming and cheering. He watched as she turned her back on them all and walked calmly back to the gates. He slowly stood and watched her disappear into the gloom.

* * *

He watched her stride into the room as if she owned it. He waved away the servants and stood. He poured two goblets of wine and walked forward, offering her one. She just stared at him impassively.

"Do you have a name?" he asked.

"Caelia," she said without emotion.

"I am Cato." He reached up and let a lock of her hair slip over his fingers. "You were very impressive today."

She turned to look at him. "I will save you time. Do not bother offering me freedom. You are not powerful enough to grant that. Do not offer me luxuries. I have no use for them. I cannot deny you my body, so take what you want and let me return to my cage. I fight again on the morrow and need my rest."

His deep blue eyes twinkled down at her. She was fascinating. His long fingers curled around her neck and he drew her close. He bent his head and whispered in her ear. "You will find I am more powerful than you imagine." His fingers slid down to her wrist and he pulled her across the room quickly. He spun her onto the bed.

Her emerald eyes flashed with anger briefly before she managed to blink away the emotion. Cato paused only long enough to strip away his toga. He pressed her back into the mattress and devoured her lips. His mouth moved down her jaw to her neck. He growled as she remained passive beneath him.

Where was the fire he had seen in her earlier? Where was the warrior he craved? He tugged her tunic off and allowed his eyes to roam over her glorious body. She was magnificent. She did not know it yet, but she was his alone. Never again would anyone touch her but him.

"I bought your freedom this afternoon," he said softly. "You are no longer a prisoner."

She looked at him with wide eyes. "Impossible. Marius would never release me," she whispered. "He hates me too much."

Cato threaded his fingers in her hair and placed a kiss below her ear. "My father is emperor. He could not deny me."

Her eyes narrowed. "So I am no longer a gladiator, but a whore."

Cato frowned. "You are free. You may leave if you wish. I will not stop you. But if you stay, I WILL make you mine."

"Why me?" she asked with confusion.

He smiled. "I do not know. From the instant I saw you, so proud and confident, I was lost. I want you. You brought something to life in me. I would give you anything. I bought your freedom so you may choose. What will it be? Will you go? Or will you stay?"

She rose silently and tugged her tunic closed. Cato's heart plunged as she strode to the door and walked out.

He lay on the bed, an arm flung over his eyes for several hours. He did not have the will to get up. He heard the door open and sighed. "Go away. I have no need of servants tonight. I wish to be alone."

"Do you?"

He sat up quickly and gasped. Caelia stood before him. "I left the city. None opposed me. You really did free me." Her voice held wonder and awe.

Cato nodded. "I did not lie. Why did you return?"

She moved to stand before him. "Because you did not lie," she answered softly. She reached up and untied her tunic, allowing it to drop to the floor. "You gave me my freedom. I chose to return."

He gently drew his fingers up her leg and across her stomach. He smiled at the slight tremble of her skin. He dipped his head and traced a scar along her ribcage with his tongue. He heard her take a shuddering breath. Slowly he inched up her skin until he reached her mouth again. This time she opened up for him.

* * *

_Penny and Sheldon aren't Roman names, so I changed them. Cato means "wise" and Caelia means "heaven". _


	34. Watching

**What do you get when you pair a Texas drawl, a leather jacket and a scruffy chin? ….what? Oh sorry. I got distracted. What was the question again?**

* * *

:He Watches:

He leaned his shoulder on the light pole and lit a cigarette. He could see her clearly. She was sitting by herself on a bench, nose buried in a book. Her hair was braided and she had a pencil stuck behind her ear. The sweatshirt and long skirt hid her body, but he knew she was slender, almost too slender. At 14 she had yet to really develop any musculature. Well, he'd take care of that.

The school bell rang and he watched her stand and grab her backpack. As soon as she went back inside he turned and walked away. His jean clad legs ate up the pavement quickly. He ignored the stares and flirty smiles from the group of women he passed by. His mind was firmly centered on her.

Penny Queen walked slowly down Carol Street, her mind on the chemistry test she had coming up the next day.

"Hey."

Penny squeaked in alarm at the deep twangy voice. Leaning against a tree was her new neighbor. He had moved into the apartment across from her and her dad. He was a bit intimidating. He wore faded jeans and a black t-shirt under his leather coat. He apparently rarely shaved. His disheveled hair hung over his eyes a bit. Eyes that were regarding her with amusement at the moment.

"Hello, Mr. Cooper," she replied timidly.

"Sheldon," he corrected. "Mr. Cooper was my father."

Penny hugged her arms to herself nervously. "Is there something I can do for you?"

Sheldon pushed off the tree and walked to her side. She had to look way up to see his face. He had a good 10 inches on her. "I'm here to help you, Penelope Queen."

She looked up into his deep blue eyes and something seemed to expand inside her. It was as if something unfurled in her mind and switched on. "How," she asked softly.

He smiled with encouragement. "I'm going to train you. I'm going to teach you. I'm going to help you fulfill your destiny."

"My destiny?" She could feel a tendril of excitement spread through her veins. It was as if the universe was speaking to her in a language she didn't understand but instinctively connected with.

Sheldon nodded approvingly. "You, my dear, are a potential slayer. And I am your watcher."

* * *

**4 Years Later**

Penny dusted off her t-shirt and grimaced. She was never going to get those grass stains out. She walked across the lawn to where Sheldon was puffing away on his cigarette and rifling through the vamp's wallet.

"Four vamps found and staked in one hour and sixteen minutes," he said calmly. "You're off your game tonight."

Penny tucked her stake in her pocket and plopped down on the grass at his feet. "It's my birthday, Shelly. I wanted a party. At the very least, I could have gone out dancing with Bernie and Raj," she pouted.

Sheldon rolled his eyes. "You're unfocused and petulant tonight. I'm not sure you deserve a party."

Penny gasped and leapt to her feet. "There's a party?! Really? You're the greatest!" she said as she flung her arms around his neck.

He smiled tenderly as he hugged her back. "If you're good, there may even be a gift or two," he teased.

* * *

Sheldon slipped from the room and headed back to his own apartment. He had stayed as long as he dared. She was with her friends. She was celebrating life. He was happy for her. Most slayers never made it to 18. She deserved some sort of normality.

He cracked open a beer from the fridge and downed half of it immediately. He knew that tonight her friend Leonard planned to tell her how he felt. Sheldon sighed and slumped in the recliner. When had everything become so messed up? He was her watcher. He was 10 years her senior. It was frowned upon by the council. He loved her anyway. Sheldon downed the rest of his beer and closed his eyes.

He must have dozed off, because he suddenly jerked awake at the feathery touch of lips on his. His shocked eyes met her amused ones.

"Penny?" He looked over at the clock and found only an hour had passed by. "Why aren't you at the party?"

Penny bit her lip for a second and seemed to gather her courage. Slowly she lifted a knee and set it beside his leg. Her hands gripped his shoulders and she placed the other knee on the other side of him. Sheldon groaned as she settled onto his lap.

"Sheldon," her voice was soft and hopeful. "I'm 18 now. No longer a minor. You didn't give me a birthday kiss."

Sheldon's hands went to her waist involuntarily. "Penny, this is not a good idea."

She leaned in and pressed her lips to his. Sheldon wrapped his arms around her tightly. After a few moments she pulled back a few inches. "Sheldon I love you. I have almost from the beginning. I think you might care for me. Not as a watcher, but as a man. Do you?"

He smiled softly and tucked her hair behind her ears. "I have loved you since I first saw you. Penny, I am too old for you. You should be with someone your own age."

Penny shook her head. "Sheldon, the guys who ask me out, I don't feel anything for any of them. I only want you."

He searched her eyes carefully. The council would say the sensible thing to do was to send her away. But Sheldon was a bit of a maverick. He didn't always do things the council way. He slid his hands under her thighs and stood up. Her arms wrapped around his neck and he carried her into his bedroom. For four years she had been his slayer, his warrior. Now she would just be his.


	35. Chemical Warfare

**I love the idea of Penny surviving in the woods, like some sort of modern day female Robin Hood.**

* * *

:Chemical Warfare:

He looked around the deserted street cautiously. He needed to get to that general store. The supplies he needed were in it. But it was too quiet. He could feel someone watching. He had no way of knowing whether it was friend or foe. But in this day and age, there was a 77.3% chance of foe, 11.8% chance of non-aggressive competing scavenger, and only 10.9% chance of friend. Sheldon waited patiently as the clouds slowly moved over the moon. The additional darkness raised his chance of success. He crouched in readiness while the seconds ticked by slowly. With a silence earned through repetition and hard work, he sprinted across the street. He was almost to the door when he heard a swoosh. He ducked and slipped inside. He chanced a glance back and was shocked to see a new dead body on the street. The man was holding what appeared to be a butcher knife. An arrow protruded from his back. The feathers were green. He knew from past experience they were silk. Remnants of artificial flowers, reshaped, and dipped in wax for stiffness. It would appear Green Arrow was once again with him tonight.

Penny moved silently through the trees, adjusting her position to keep an eye on him. She wondered what he would say if he knew she was here. Did he ever miss her? Did the others? She had been shocked to run across them. She had heard the soft laughter around a fire and moved in to see what kind of group she was dealing with. Sheldon, Leonard, Raj, and Zack. She wanted to run to them, but controlled the urge. She couldn't. Not now. But she couldn't abandon them either. So she stayed close enough to assist without actually interacting with them. It was only when Sheldon was scavenging that she left the safety of the woods. She would follow, watch his back and make sure he returned safe.

She settled in to wait, knowing he was methodical, and would take his time. So much had changed in the last two years, yet stayed the same. Chemical warfare between Asia and the rest of the world had wiped out billions of lives. Those left behind were forced to change their way of life. Stores were empty. With so many dead, there were very few who worked the soil. No factories, no manufacturers, no big corporations anymore. Now it was just basic survival. She saw the shadow of the door as it opened and stood. Sheldon looked out carefully and slipped into the shadow of the alley. She saw him pause and look around again, his gaze sweeping right past her. Penny smiled slightly. Sheldon was still so…. Sheldon-y. He was calculating, serious, and set in routine. It was always the same system when he was on the hunt.

He knew the archer was there still, as always, but he was still intent on not taking chances. One never knew when one's luck might run out. Not that he actually believed in that hokum. He made his way cautiously out of town. He always felt more at ease once he was back among the trees. What would she think if she could see the great Sheldon Cooper now, he wondered. He shook his head quickly, hoping to rid himself of these thoughts. Lately he had been thinking about Penny more often. She had been visiting her family when the war began. He had no idea if she lived or died. He knew the odds. It was highly improbable. None of his other acquaintances had. Howard, Stuart, Kripke, Bernadette, even his family. All gone. He sighed. How ironic that Zack had made it. Sheldon chastised himself severely. That was unfair. Zack had proven himself several times. He was their muscle. He also was the one who suggested the small cabin they lived in. Isolated, hidden, they were rarely bothered by anyone. Except Green Arrow.

Green Arrow had shown up almost 3 months ago. Sheldon had been trying to hunt for deer. They rarely did that, since gun fire always drew others, but they needed protein. He had stumbled onto a small band of marauders. Men who relied on their weapons and muscles to just take what they wanted. They had tied him up and beaten him for sport. He had fainted at some point. When he awoke, they were dead. Arrows protruded from their bodies. He was untied, leaning against a tree trunk. His ribs had been bandaged with strips torn from their clothes. A small tree branch rested over his lap, cut to an almost perfect length for him to use as a crutch. He had stumbled back to the cabin, and though he had no food, he had acquired a few more weapons. The next morning, a freshly killed and gutted doe was laying on the ground in front of the cabin, green fledged arrow through it's heart.

Often they wondered why the man didn't make himself known to them. They discussed it several times, long hours of debate and conjecture. Regardless of his motives, they were grateful for him. Once a week, they would awaken to find another kill left for them. When Raj's fishing pole was lost in an accident, a new one, with hooks and lures had shown up on the porch. One morning he had woken up to the excited chatter of his friends. Books. He had brought them books. A few graphic novels, battered but readable, a couple of novels and a dozen crossword puzzle books. He tried to reason out why Green Arrow had brought them these things. How had he known how much they missed reading? Leonard made a remark that stuck out.

"This is so great! And since it's Sheldon's birthday, I think he should have first choice of what he wants to read!"

Was it possible that Green Arrow had known it was his birthday? That would imply they were acquainted in some way. But if that was the case, why not reveal himself? Sheldon could see the faint light from the cabin window now. He sped up, wanting to get back inside. As he stepped up on the porch, he had a sudden impulse. He turned and looked out into the trees. "Thank you," he said sincerely.

She watched him slip inside the cabin and silently wiped away the tear that threatened to spill. Now that she knew he was safe inside she could relax. She slipped off to the small 'nest' she had constructed high up in a sycamore. Nothing more than a tree house really, camouflaged by the dense foliage. She curled up after stashing her bow and arrows nearby for easy access. She kneaded the scarred and puckered flesh on the left side of her face and neck, easing the tightness that was indicative of her exhaustion. She had been injured when rioting exploded in Omaha. She had taken shelter in a pharmacy but looters had throw bricks into the glass front. Glass flying through the air had left her bleeding and broken on the floor. She was lucky, though. A good Samaritan had pulled her to safety, bandaged her wounds and kept her hidden. Once she was healed she had made her way back to California. Over the long trek, she had discovered she was still pretty good with a bow, thanks to the hunting trips her dad had took her on as a child. The talent had saved her life many times. She pulled the battered afghan over her body and closed her eyes. If Sheldon stuck to his normal routine, he would go to the river tomorrow to wash clothes. She would follow to keep him safe. Just another Saturday Laundry Day, she smiled softly.


	36. Maybe Where He Danced

**If you get a reviewer who blasts your story for the pairing, take heart. You struck a nerve with someone, and however much they may deny it, they know deep down that your story is plausible. And it burns them up.**

* * *

**I don't own the Big Bang Theory. **

* * *

No one told Stuart they spiked the punch. Since Stuart didn't know, neither did anyone else except the perpetrator, who was long gone, after getting a call from his parents to come home because he was past his curfew. Sheldon, meanwhile, was on his seventh cup. He was finding the drink refreshingly tasty. And it helped with the dry mouth he had every time he caught sight of Penny in that cop costume.

He looked around the room and spotted Amy talking to Raj. Her Raggedy Ann costume clashed with Raj's Indiana Jones look. Leonard was missing, but Penny was speaking to Stuart dressed as the Mad Hatter. Sheldon could hear Bernadette and Howard in the back room arguing. He was upset his friends were tired of him talking about space. Bernadette was tired of him pouting. Sheldon was just tired. He grabbed another cup of punch and walked over to speak with Captain Sweatpants.

* * *

He buried his nose in her hair and slipped his hands under her shirt. He caressed the soft skin and groaned as her teeth nibbled at his neck. He pressed his erection up against her and was rewarded with a very feminine moan.

He wasn't sure how they got here, or even when, but he didn't care. He was laying on his bed in nothing but his boxers. He kept his eyes tightly shut. He imagined the long hair cascading around him was golden, not dark. The eyes above him were green, and not brown. And the hips he was pressed between were tanned, not pale. He pushed her shirt up and squeezed her breasts gently.

Her lips found his and he gasped. Sheldon may be drunk, wasted even, but he still remembered every pair of lips he had ever kissed. Debbie Brighton in 1st grade, Carol Henney in Germany, Beverly Hofstadter two years ago, and Amy. Sheldon was positive he had never kissed these lips before. His eyes drifted open and he found himself staring into beautiful green orbs.

"Penny?" he whispered cautiously.

She pulled back a couple of inches. ""Do you want to stop?" she asked hesitantly.

Sheldon sobered up immediately. Penny's eyes were clear, her voice not slurred at all. She was completely sober also. She was here, on his bed, with him. And she was looking at him with desire.

It wasn't enough. He had to hear it. "Do you want to do this with me?" he asked softly.

Penny slowly ground her pelvis into his. "Yes, Sheldon. I want this. With you."

He felt as if the universe slipped out of place and went spinning out of control. He pulled her back down and crushed her to him. No one and nothing else mattered. He didn't care about Leonard, or Amy, or his mother's views. All he cared about was Penny. He had wanted her for so long. He had needed her for even longer. He reached down and jerked her tiny skirt up her hips. Her hand slipped inside the opening of his boxers and stroked his length. Sheldon growled and rolled them over and ripped her panties down her legs urgently.

He pushed her hand away and shoved his underwear off. He couldn't have waited for anything. He pressed forward. Her hand guiding him to her entrance. Sheldon slammed into her without delay. He paused to catch his breath. Penny reached up and pulled his mouth to hers. "More, Sheldon," she begged him. He began to move, giving her what they both wanted.

* * *

He watched her sleep, curled up on her side. His body was exhausted, and he knew he should sleep. He continued to watch her though. His fingers slid down her arm and over her hip. He traced every line, every curve. He brushed his thumb over the soup tattoo and smiled. Penny purred lightly in her sleep and he grinned.

He knew there would be hell to pay tomorrow. Leonard and Amy were going to be hurt and furious. And rightly so. But in this moment, with Penny laying beside him, he didn't care. Six years worth of desire, denial and love had built up and exploded. He would cherish these few hours with her. He leaned over and kissed her neck tenderly. His hand slipped around to pull her back against him.

* * *

When he woke up she was gone and he knew instinctively what that meant. Neither of them ever mentioned that night again. Not when she broke up with Leonard a week later. Not when she moved out of the building the next year. Not on the day he married Amy. Not even when she came to see him receive his Nobel. The closest they came was the night she stood before the huge crowd, holding her SAG award.

"There are many people who helped me along the way. Producers, co-stars, agents, directors. But there is one person who I have to thank. You were my best friend. You pushed me to be better. You encouraged me to follow my dreams. You showed me more love and tenderness in one night than I have ever known in my life. I love you, and I will never forget you."

Sheldon sat at her table in the Shrine Auditorium and listened to Amy, Bernadette, Howard, Raj, Leonard and his fiancée Leslie Winkle speculate about who Penny was talking about. And he knew. He knew that somewhere along the line he had missed a fork in the road. He had chosen the wrong path. One path had led to this life. The other would have led to the Shenny, as he liked to call it in his mind. He hoped that in a different reality he chose the other path. Maybe in a universe where he danced.


	37. Pirate's Booty

**The Queen of the Sea meets a sea-sick ship's doctor.**

* * *

:Pirate's Booty:

The ship's doctor wasn't sure which way he was heading. The acrid smoke from the pistols and cannons were inhibiting his vision. All he knew for sure was that this was the worst possible assignment the King could have passed upon him. He stumbled and fell to his knees. He looked down to see what he had tripped over and found a young man in dirty clothes, eye's glazed and fixed. He needn't bother checking for a pulse. The large hole through the chest was proof enough the lad was dead.

Sheldon pushed back up to his feet and felt his stomach roll again. He staggered toward a light, hoping it was either a port hole or door where he could get fresh air. He could hear yelling and the boom of weaponry as he made his way on deck. Bodies brushed past him, locked in battle. He rushed toward the railing and managed to lose the contents of his stomach over the side. He gasped and grabbed the dipper from the fresh water barrel and rinsed his mouth. Before he could get to safety a hand grabbed his hair and tilted his head back.

Sheldon looked up in alarm and found himself staring into moss colored eyes. He blinked a couple of times, trying to find his voice, but no words were forthcoming. Her eyes sparkled merrily, chaos and carnage in her gaze. She tugged him to her and slammed her mouth onto his. Sheldon was shocked as her tongue slipped between his lips. The next thing he knew, she had thrust him from her into the chest of a huge man with tattoos covering his chest.

The man grinned, revealing a mouth full of sharpened teeth. The man raise a small club. Not necessary, Sheldon thought as he began to faint all on his own.

Xxxxx

He awoke slowly, his head pounding, and his stomach churning. He opened his eyes, sure the pirate attack had been a bad dream. Sheldon frowned as he tried to focus his eyes. He tilted his head curiously, trying to make sense of what he was seeing. A naked female breast was almost pressed to his cheek. His eyes swept downward and he was startled to see his hand clinging to the bare hip pressed against his stomach. He gulped and moved his eyes back upward, past the oh-so tempting breast. Slightly parted plump lips rested near his head and blond hair spilled across the pillows.

He tried to scoot back from the naked woman beside him, but his movements made her stir. She frowned slightly and snuggled closer, one of her legs moved to rest between his. Sheldon groaned as he realized he was naked too. What on earth had…..suddenly he remembered the night before.

Xxxxxx

The attack had happened. He had fainted momentarily. The pirates had looted the royal navy ship and then set it on fire, leaving the surviving crew to swim for the nearby island. He and the two galley slaves were taken on board the pirate's ship and placed in the captain's cabin under guard. After the ship had changed course and left the area, the door had opened. Two men and a woman had entered. The woman approached the two slaves and looked at them closely.

"My name is Copper. This is my ship, the Queen of the Sea. I offer you two choices. You are free now. You can sign up and serve on my ship, and receive the same cut of treasure as everyone else. **IF** you work for it like we all do. Or you can be put down at the nearest port, which is in the south of France to make your own life. You will get 3 gold pieces and a change of clothes. Now, go to the galley with these men and get some food into you. You can decide tomorrow. None will harm you here."

The slaves looked at her with hope and disbelieve mixed together. They scurried after the pirates and she turned to look at him. Sheldon stared at her, unable to look away. Her hair was golden, and curled around her shoulders a halo. She leaned back on the desk and raked her gaze up and down his body. Sheldon blushed at her appraisal and was embarrassed to feel his body react. There was no hiding it either since he was dressed only in breeches and a shirt. He had no coat or even a waistcoat to cover himself with. She smiled as she stared at his groin. Had she no shame at all?

His eyes snapped shut as she reached up and started to unbutton her shirt. His keen hearing heard the whisper of cloth over skin. He swallowed the lump in his throat and recited the Hippocratic oath in his head to distract himself. He squeaked and jumped as a hand slid across his chest. His eyes snapped open just as she leaned in and nibbled on his ear lobe.

"It's been a long time since a man has been tempting to me," she whispered in his ear. Her hand slid lower and Sheldon's knees felt weak. "I want you."

Sheldon's will buckled and he turned his head to crush his lips to hers. Their tongues dueled and he pulled her to him and pressed her bare chest to his.

Xxxxx

Sheldon blushed all over as he remembered the things they had done on this bed. He was no virgin, to be sure, but he had never even heard of a couple of things they had done. He frowned for a moment. In fact, he was fairly certain one or two of them would be frowned upon by the church.

He remembered their words just before they had drifted off to sleep, exhausted and spent.

"_I offer you the same choice as the slaves. You can stay. With me. I can show you the world. Or you can leave when we hit port."_

_He had looked at her closely. "Stay as your sex slave, you mean."_

_She had shaken her head. "You would never be forced to my bed, or to anyone's. I will not deny that I feel desire for you, but force is not my way."_

_He had gently kissed her lips and smiled. "Then I will stay."_

Sheldon's mind cleared and he relaxed. He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and pulled her as close as possible. He had never cared much for the sea, but he was beginning to think the pirate life might not be so bad. He wondered if Copper knew of a cure for sea sickness.


	38. A Tale of a Tail

:Myth:

How had he allowed this to happen? He glared at his family from under the shadow, trying to figure out how it had come to this. Out on the boat he could see Dad and Pop-pop. They were hunched over their fishing poles. Mommy was laying on a blanket sleeping. George and his girlfriend had snuck off to neck. Missy and her three giggling friends were talking to a group of guys near the dock. Meemaw was sitting further up the small beach, at a small table with her friend Viola. Probably playing canasta.

Sheldon hunched over under his large umbrella and opened his book. He read a few more pages and then sighed. He was hungry. Maybe he should walk over to the car and get one of the sandwiches Mommy had packed in the cooler. He stood and started to turn but a glimmer caught his eye. He stopped and edged a bit closer to the water. Another flashing glimmer and he set his book down on the blanket. He moved closer, his curiosity perking up.

At eighteen, Sheldon knew quite a bit about the world. He was a genius, after all. He had also traveled a bit. He already had one Ph.D., and was working on his second. So, he was sure what he was seeing wasn't probable. He frowned as he saw movement and a third spike of reflective light.

The small beach they were at was a favorite of his mom's because of it's seclusion. It was sheltered and ringed by thick woods. It had two docks, the new one where Missy and her friends were, and an old one, half collapsed at the other end. It was toward this one that he moved. He edged his way around the dock, careful of the rotting timber. He bent down to peer underneath and found himself looking into the strangest eyes he had ever seen.

The pupil had a ring of gold that cut through the center, dividing it into two dark emerald rings. It was almost as if she had two pupils. Thick golden lashes framed the eyes. Her hair was a soft white-gold. Her skin was the color of pearls, and seemed to glow lightly.

He swallowed the excess saliva in his mouth. Good lord! Was he really drooling, he wondered anxiously. "H-hello."

She shrunk back a couple of inches, and pain washed over her features. Her eyes were wide with worry, and it made his pulse thump alarmingly hard to know it was him making her scared. However, he could see she was in pain. So which was more important? Alleviating her fear or her pain?

"Would you like me to help you?" he asked. "I won't hurt you, I promise. I just want to help."

She was silent for so long he began to suspect she couldn't speak. Slowly she eased forward again. Her shoulders shook from strain, and her skin paled even more. "Why?"

Sheldon smiled tentatively. "It's social convention to help someone in need."

Her eyes widened a bit in surprise. "Oh." She glanced down and bit her lip. "My tail is hooked on a metal spike under the water."

It was Sheldon's turn to looked surprised. "Tail?"

She nodded and looked up at him. Her eyes filled with tears and pain settled over every inch of her he could see. "It hurts," she whispered softly.

That sound, the agony in her voice, pushed him into the water. He took a deep breath and dunked under. He immediately saw the problem. He rose back up and face her. "I'm going to have to touch you. I will get you free, okay?"

She slowly nodded, trembling as he inched closer. He moved behind her and wrapped an arm around her waist. He could feel scales beneath his hand. They were smoother than fish scales, and very pliant under the press of his fingers. His other arm slipped down to her tail and he grasped the rusty hooked nail. It was a large one, and he had to work it out of her tail inch by inch.

She gasped a few times, but held as still as possible. He finally worked it free and threw it up onto the sand under the still standing part of the dock. She leaned heavily on his arm for a second before pulling away.

He expected her to take off, but she only floated a couple of feet away from him. "Thank you," she said timidly.

He couldn't resist moving a bit closer to her. "I'm Sheldon. What's your name?"

She smiled slightly. "Penelope of the Queen's Cavern Clan"

Sheldon tilted his head to the left. "I find it difficult to process the fact that I am actually speaking to a mermaid. I always thought you do not exist, that mermaids were a myth."

She blushed. "It is strange for me also to be speaking to human. I was taught that you are all violent and deadly."

Sheldon grimaced. "Unfortunately, that is quite true of many."

Penelope floated closer, warily. "Are you dangerous and deadly?"

Sheldon shook his head quickly. "No. I abhor violence.'

She edged closer until their chests were almost touching. Sheldon blushed to realize she wore no top. He hadn't noticed earlier, due to his concern. She lifted her arms and wrapped them around his neck loosely. His arms automatically wound around her waistline.

Sheldon dipped his head and pressed his lips to her upturned ones. Warmth spread through both of them. Time seemed to simultaneously slow down and speed up. He felt like he had been kissing and holding her for days, yet in no time at all, his Meemaw was calling his name so they could leave.

She slipped away from him and sank down until only her head was above water. He watched her sadly. "If I come back, will you be here?"

She watched his eyes carefully. "Would you want to see me again?"

Sheldon nodded immediately. "Yes, Penelope. I would. I have never wanted anything as badly as I want to see you again."

She smiled warmly. "Then you shall."

Xxx

Sheldon went back almost every day for a month, but he never saw her. His sister complained that he had a better tan than her from all his time spend on that beach, just sitting and watching. Two days before he was due to return to school he was sitting in the kitchen having breakfast. He had decided the night before that he would not go back. He could not bear another day of disappointment. He would focus on his studies. That would be his drive, his life. He would solve the mysteries of the universe.

Vaguely he heard a knock on the door. Missy's friends were supposed to pick her up for a trip to the mall. They were going school shopping. Meemaw looked up from her newspaper as Mommy passed by the kitchen door on her way to the front door. He finished his oatmeal and took his dishes to the sink.

"Shelly?" His mom's voice was stunned, and a bit faint. He turned to see what she needed and froze. He dropped the spoon he was holding. His mom stood inside the room, his Meemaw beside her, but it was the woman standing in the doorway that caught his attention.

"Hello, Sheldon," Penelope said softly.

He smiled softly. Three long strides and he swept her up into his arms. Her arms wrapped around him and he kissed her. He didn't even notice his family watching them. His mom cleared her throat pointedly so he finally released her lips. He turned a faint pink and she smiled.

"I missed you," he said gently.

Penelope blushed. "I'm sorry it took so long. I missed you, too."

They told his family they met at the beach. Penelope said she was an orphan, and had been visiting a friend to explain why she didn't live there. Mary and Meemaw liked her immediately. They had never seen Sheldon so open and comfortable with someone. George tried to hit on her, and Missy invited her to the mall. Penelope refused to move from Sheldon's side.

Finally he drew her outside and down the path through the woods. Once he was sure they were out of sight from the house he stopped and kissed her again. They were both a bit breathless when he stopped.

"How can you be here?" he asked.

Penelope sat on a downed tree trunk with weak limbs. "Sorry, I'm still getting used to these legs." She looked up at him hopefully. "I went to my clan. I told my Queen about you. She wasn't happy at first, but finally she agreed to let me come here. It's a spell. She gave me legs in exchange for my immortality."

Sheldon was stunned. He sat down beside her and laced his fingers with hers. "You gave up your immortality for legs?"

She shook her head. "I gave it up for you."

It only took a moment for him to pull her into his arms and begin kissing her again.

Xxx

Mary heard whimpering and rushed back to the bedroom. She glanced at the exhausted couple on the bed briefly before reaching into the bassinet and picking up her 6 day old granddaughter.

She moved back into the living room of the apartment and grabbed a bottle already made up. She warmed it in a pan of water and rocked the baby gently. Sabrina opened her eyes and whimpered hungrily. Mary marveled at the light blue eyes with the band of gold. The last 4 years had been one surprise after another. Sheldon and Penelope had lived together at the university until he finished his doctorate. She hadn't approved of that, but it was hard to argue with them when they were so much in love. Their wedding had been lovely, if a bit weird with all that Doctor Who stuff Sheldon wanted. Who marries a man in a twelve foot striped scarf? Then the move to California had happened. Sheldon had been offered a wonderful job in England, but turned it down to be near (but not too near) his family. And now, a baby.

The milk was ready so she moved to the rocking chair Penelope had refurbished. She had quite a talent for decorating. Mary cradled Sabrina close and began feeding her. Mary smiled and hummed Soft Kitty. She couldn't have dreamed of a better life for her boy.


	39. Red Riding Hood

**For my buddy Travis, who asked me for a "fairy tail ending" according to the text he sent me. (Sorry, doll. Couldn't resist teasing.)**

* * *

:Red Riding Hood:

He shifted the basket to his other arm absent mindedly as he worked on the problem in his mind. He was so close to figuring out a pulley system that would allow him to wash his clothes without standing in the river. The rest of the villagers bathed in it. Hardly sanitary for his laundry activities. He came to a fork in the path and took the left branch. Usually he took the right one, since it was a shorter, more direct path to Meemaw's house. But Momma and Dad were at it again, arguing over Dad's propensity to overindulge at the tavern. He wanted to stay gone as long as possible, which is why he had volunteered to take the fresh rolls and eggs in the first place.

The woods along this path were denser, more dark, but he didn't mind. He walked along, mind on other things for several minutes. Slowly he became aware of footsteps. He paused and looked around. He didn't see anything or anyone, but the feeling of being watched persisted. He resumed his steps but listened carefully. Sure enough he heard footsteps from the left. He stopped again and huffed with annoyance.

"Who is there? Show yourself!"

Nothing. Sheldon glared to the left and began walking again. He was so focused on ignoring whoever it was, he was shocked to suddenly feel hot breath on his neck. He jerked and spun around. All he could do was stare. Slowly he dragged his eyes down her body. Her hair was long and blonde. Her eyes were the same color as new spring grass. The leather vest barely covered her amble assets, leaving her flat stomach bare. The pelt around her hips was short, stopping only a couple of inches below her pelvis. Her feet were shod in fur boots. His eyes widened even more when a tail uncurled from around her thigh to flicker back and forth behind her.

A tail?! He looked back up to her face and noticed the pointy furred ears sticking up on her head. She grinned widely and showed off her canines. She raised a hand and wiggled her fingers at him. The slim digits were tipped by pointed nails.

"What are you?" he asked curiously.

She looked at him in surprise. "You're a brave one. Last guy to take this path ran like a frightened deer as soon as he saw me. Big, beefy guy with a mace." She pouted a bit. "Not good to eat. He gave me indigestion."

Sheldon frowned. "So that's what happened to Kurt. A lot of girls in the village were sad when he disappeared."

She moved a bit closer, her tail curling up over her shoulder. She licked her lips and looked him up and down. "What about you? Are you tender? Can I eat you?"

Sheldon shook his head. "I would prefer you didn't. I don't relish the idea of dying in such a manner."

She laughed with surprise. "Oh my! You are adorable!"

Sheldon blushed. He had never had a female compliment him. Not even an inhuman one. "Thank you. You are attractive, as well."

She gave him an appraising look. "So, cutie pie, where are you heading?"

Sheldon pushed back the edge of his red cloak and lifted the basket a bit higher. "I am taking bread and eggs to Meemaw's house."

She moved closer, licking her bottom lip lightly. Sheldon felt his heart rate increase. Her lips pulled up on one side in amusement . Sheldon shuddered as her tail moved around to brush across him. He looked at her studiously.

He reached up a touched the tip of his finger to her ear. "Your ears are quite large."

She nodded. "So I can hear you coming..."

He looked deep into her gaze. "Your eyes are huge."

She winked one. "So I can see you in the dark."

He raised one of her hands to look at it. "Your fingers are quite long."

She trailed one down his chest. "And quite agile."

He smiled shyly. "You have an intriguing mouth."

She grinned widely. "Wanna see what I can do with it?"

Xxx

It was getting dark out when Meemaw heard a knock on her door. She opened it to find her grandson holding out a basket. "Moon Pie! I was expecting you much earlier. Did something happen?"

Sheldon blushed a faint red and looked back toward the forest. "I got distracted Meemaw. I brought you those rolls and eggs Momma promised. I guess I better start back before it gets any later."

Meemaw set the basket on the table. "Are you sure? The woods aren't very safe at night. There's talk of a she-wolf in the area. She is a man eater."

Sheldon grinned shyly and blushed even brighter. "Yes, she is."


	40. Apocalypse

**Dedicated to Darkly Dreaming. And the future Viktor Casvall. **

**;) **

* * *

:Apocalypse:

Sweat trickled down his back as he raced down the sidewalk. He dodged around the pedestrians with their vacant eyes and lumbering gaits. Didn't these imbeciles realize what was going on? Annihilation was coming and they were too busy playing Angry Birds to notice!

He cradled the bag to his chest, worried that if he loosened his grip for even a moment, it would be snatched from him. His salvation lay inside that canvas container. He heard horns honking, the screeching of tires, and the yells of cab drivers. He ignored it all, intent of reaching his destination.

He could not fathom the consequences should he fail in his mission. Would he survive? Doubtful. If he did, would it be a life worth having? Probably not. His friends were relying on him. _She_ was relying on him. He would not falter. He would not shirk his responsibility.

He turned a corner and ran headlong into a cop. They landed in a tangle of arms and legs. The cop was bellowing, but Sheldon ignored him. There was no law now. There was only this. His mission. He forced his tired legs to go further. Behind him he could hear the sounds of pursuit. Almost there! He thought to himself. He rushed into the building and moved swiftly upwards. His goal was within his grasp now. He flung open the door just as he was grabbed from behind.

NO! So close! He launched the bag to her. He must not fail!

…

…

…

…

Sheldon looked sheepish as Officer Taylor unsnapped the handcuffs. The cop shook his head knowingly and left with a smile. Once he was gone everyone turned to stare at Sheldon with varying degrees of shocked amusement. Everyone except Penny, that is. She was sitting in his spot, happily spooning Cherry Garcia ice cream into her mouth.

"Seriously Sheldon?" Leonard laughed. "You ran down Los Robles. You were knocking people out of your way. You tackle a cop. Just because Penny was craving ice cream?"

At the sound of her name, Penny looked up from her treat, spoon still in her mouth. She looked around the room at her friends. She reached down to rub her swollen belly as the baby moved inside her. She paused, tilted her head and frowned at her husband.

"Sheldon, honey? Why are you all sweaty?"


	41. Absolute Hokum

**A huge thank you to bloodyblond who gave me the idea for this one and asked me to run with it. I had a lot of fun writing this one because it gave me a chance to express some of my real feelings about fanfiction. Live and let live, people. We'll all be so much happier.**

* * *

"Absolute hokum," Sheldon said as they walked up the stairs. Leonard rolled his eyes as Howard and Sheldon argued Star Trek canon versus Star Trek fan fiction. "You cannot expect anyone to believe that Spock and Deanna Troy 'got busy' during a party on Deep Space Nine!"

Raj shifted the bags of food as Leonard unlocked the door. The door to 4B opened and a blond in a red dress stepped out. "Hey."

They all looked over. "Hey Louise," Leonard said as casually as possible.

Sheldon frowned. "Louie, you may want to wear a slip with that dress. I can see your penis."

Louie/Louise placed his handbag in front of him. "Sorry. A package came today, Sheldon. I signed for it." Sheldon took the long thin box with a simple thank you, as Louie closed the door.

Howard wasn't done. "There's a reason they call it fan FICTION, Sheldon! It doesn't have to follow canon! In fact, that's why there's fan created fiction in the first place! Because people like to imagine alternate scenarios that don't work in the world of canon! Why can't you just let others enjoy their fantasies without blasting them for it?"

Sheldon glared down his nose at Howard. "If it isn't canon, it's wrong!" He carried the box back to his room and carefully opened it. Inside were 2 cardboard standees. He unfolded the first and set it aside. It was of Data. Camouflage, really. If his friends asked he could tell them (and show them) it was a Data standee. But underneath was his real purchase. A blush rode high on his cheeks as he unfolded it and set it up between his dresser and the closet.

Penelope Queen as Emma Frost from the X-Men: Manifest Destiny movie. He reached out slowly and traced her bottom lip. He had always considered himself above mere human desires. Until he saw Penelope Queen in this portrayal. She was beautiful, vibrant, electric. She truly brought the sultry vixen to life.

A knock on his door jolted him and he turned guiltily. "Yes?"

"Are you coming out to eat, or are you sulking because Howard is right?" Leonard asked.

Sheldon jerked the door open wide enough to slip out. "Howard is not right. He is gravely wrong!"

"Says you," Howard muttered from the living room.

Xxx

Sheldon reclined on his bed and opened his journal. He began cataloging the events of the day carefully.

"So. Not a fan of fan fiction, huh?"

He looked over to the Emma Frost/Penelope standee. "No. It is ridiculous and tedious writing that bears little resemblance to actual canon events. Mostly written by prepubescent girls in the middle of hormonal surges."

Penelope walked over and sat down, her thin cardboard form yielding easily to her new position. "I disagree."

Sheldon folded his arms. "On what basis?"

Penelope smiled. "Right now, at this very minute, in another universe there is a tv show on. The show is about four nerdy scientists and their lives. You are in it. Well, someone playing you, anyway. And I am in it. Only, in that universe, I am your friend Leonard's girlfriend."

Xxx

Sheldon squawked and sat up. He was gaping for breath. He looked across the room at the standee. It was still in the spot he had placed it. After a few minutes he laid back down. Just a dream, he thought.

Xxx

"Sorry," Penelope said in a chagrined voice. "I shouldn't have thrown that at you so suddenly."

Sheldon stared at her. "I'm dreaming."

She nodded. "Of course you are, sweetie. I'm cardboard. How could I move and talk if you weren't?" She stood and moved up on the bed to sit beside him. "You know, this is like fan fiction. In reality, I am in England, and you are in Pasadena. Not very fun, huh? But here, in this dream, we are sitting on your bed."

Sheldon took her 2D hand in his. It was surprisingly warm. "You said in another universe you are with Leonard. Why?"

Penelope shrugged. "Because that's the way the writers scripted the show."

Sheldon looked dismayed. "But Leonard?"

She nodded. "But it's not all bad. There's a fairly large community of fan fiction writers who have decided that you and I make a better couple. And so they write beautifully elaborate stories, cute little fluffy ones, and occasionally some very naughty, sexy ones." She grinned over at him. "I like the ones where you go all alpha male on me the most."

Sheldon blushed deeply. "You do?"

She leaned over and gently pressed her lips to his. "Very much so. In that world, there is no us, except in the realm of the imagination of fans. And like you, there are many fans of the show who think those writers are deluded. That their stories of you and I are pure hokum."

Sheldon reached up and traced her bottom lip again. "Is there a universe where we are together?"

Penelope nodded. "Lots of them. In one we're clowns made of candy. But we're very happy."

Sheldon leaned in and kissed her again. "I wish we were together here, too."

Penelope smiled softly. "Me, too."

Xxx

Sheldon woke up at his usual time and licked his lips. They tasted like cherry lip gloss.

Xxx

Howard looked up to see Sheldon standing in the doorway of his lab. Sheldon placed his hands behind his back. "I apologize, Howard. You were right. Fan fiction is not absolute hokum."

Howard watched with stunned amazement as Sheldon turned around and left. He looked down and pinched his arm. "Holy frak," he said as he rubbed the sore spot. "I'm awake and Sheldon just apologized. Not even fan fiction is this strange."


	42. Wolowitz Science

**Bloodyblonde's other idea, which made my hubby slap his forehead and wonder why HE didn't think of it!**

* * *

:The Computer Program:**  
**

Sheldon had just finished connecting the SNES for vintage game night when the door opened. He looked over to see his three friends entering with a couple bags of food containers.

"I'm telling you, this program will change everything!" Howard said insistently.

"A virtual girl who tells you what you are doing wrong?" Raj snorted. "Isn't that what a real girlfriend is for?"

Leonard snickered and set the bags on the table. "Howard, no one wants a computerized nag."

Sheldon took his spot on the couch. "Are you once again attempting to build a woman, Howard?"

Howard rolled his eyes. "No! It's a computer program. You design the avatar. Pick from a selection of personality traits and once activated, it becomes a sort of adviser. You choose it's knowledge. Say you are one of us, and have no real knowledge of women. You would select romance as one of it's bodies of knowledge. When the program creates the advisor, it would scour the web for anything pertaining to romance. Then when you need help with, say, the perfect Valentine's gift, the program will help you. Or say you forgot her birthday."

"I couldn't. I have an eidetic memory," Sheldon interrupted.

Howard glared at him. "The program would tell you how to make it up to her."

Leonard opened his container. "That'll go over well. '_Here honey. My computer wife said you'd like this gift to make up for forgetting you_.' I can see it now"

Howard pulled a disc from his jacket pocket. "Laugh all you want, but this is a great idea. How many women wish they had a way of understanding their kids? How many men wish they could understand their women? Every choice you make becomes part of the avatar's personality. It's the closest thing to a true synthetic person ever!"

Despite his disinterest in the uses Howard proposed, Sheldon found himself mildly intrigued by the program. "Have you tested it?"

Howard looked sheepish. "Not yet. I just finished the programming today."

Raj looked up. "How do you know it will work then, dude?"

Howard looked around the room. "That's why I brought it up. I need a tester. I can't do it. I'm too biased."

Leonard snorted. "I'm not putting an untested program in my laptop." Raj shook his head in agreement.

"I'll test it."

All three men looked at Sheldon in shock. "What?" Leonard asked.

Sheldon nodded. "My laptop has every anti-virus and anti-malware program there is, along with a couple I designed myself. Any defect or bug on Howard's disc has no chance of infecting my system. I'll test it."

"Why?" Howard asked suspiciously.

"If the program does what you suggest, then it is one step closer to a true robotic life form. One my intelligence could be transferred to so future generations are not deprived of my genius," he answered.

Howard looked down at the disc in his hand. "Okay, now I'm starting to rethink this." Sheldon glared and took it from him. Howard shrugged. "Okay. Test it and tell me what you think. Oh, and don't just build a virtual you, either!"

"Drat." Sheldon muttered.

Xxx

After videos games the guys decided to go out to a bar. Sheldon used the disc to download the program and started it. The initial prompt asked for a gender selection. He was so tempted to build himself despite Howard's warning. A virtual Sheldon. A Sheldon 2.0, if you will.

With a sigh he picked female. A female form appeared on the side of the screen. Beside it appeared prompts for appearance. He viewed them skeptically. True, Howard had given him a large number of options, but most seemed to follow anime proportions. He tried to keep it realistic.

**Hair: blonde like Nurse Chapel**

**Eyes: green for Green Lantern**

**Height: 5'5" like Faith from Buffy the Vampire Slayer**

**Weight: 115, the perfect weight for that height.**

**Age: 23, he lived at 2311 Los Robles**

**Figure: Slim, but muscular**

Another prompt appeared with a sliding scale. He moved it back and forth until he found an ideal combination of slim and lightly muscled.

A small wrench spun and the avatar took form. Sheldon smiled with pride. It was quite pleasing. Then he chose body of knowledge. Since he really did not need an adviser, he chose the one Howard had suggested. Romance. Next a long list of personality traits appeared. He was impressed. There were over 3000 to choose from. Sheldon scrolled down the list, choosing 14 of the 15 quickly.

Honest. Dependable. Humorous. Sensible. Generous. Outspoken. Kind. Imaginative. Understanding. Resilient. Compassionate. Adaptable. Industrious. Friendly. He paused and looked around, even though he was all alone. It's just a program, he reminded himself. He clicked Flirty and hit the START icon. He sat back as the little wrench began spinning and a timer began counting. It would take 20 minutes to complete the creation process.

Sheldon stood to get himself a bottle of water. Why on earth had he chosen that last one? He sipped the water and then jerked in surprise as the electricity flickered. Another flicker and the lights went out. "Drat!"

Sheldon glanced at his laptop screen. It was still running thanks to the battery. It read 81%. He walked over to the windows and looked down at the street. All the lights on the block were out. He made his way over to the closet and began searching for a flashlight.

"Can I help?"

Sheldon screamed and spun around. He looked toward the door, but it was closed. The room was so dark, he could barely make out his couch in front of him. He tried to see into the inky blackness but to no avail.

"Who are you?" he asked with a squeak.

"You haven't named me yet."

"Me?" He sputtered. "Why would I name you?"

"Because you created me, sweetie. Are you sure I can't help you? You seem to be confused."

Sheldon edged his way to the side of the couch. "What do you mean I created you?"

Just then the lights came back on and he gasped. She was standing beside his desk. Nude. Sheldon slapped a hand over his eyes quickly. "Oh sweet sufferin' Jesus! Why are you naked? How did you get in here? Why are you NAKED?!"

She looked down at her self and then crossed the room. She grabbed the bottom of his t-shirt, ignoring his yelp. In a few seconds she had it off him and on her. "Oh, This smells nice. Can I keep it?"

Sheldon's eyes popped open. "That's my Batman shirt! No you can't have it!"

She reached for the hem. "Want it back, then?"

Sheldon blushed fiercely. Her hands drew his eyes to the hem. It was tight across the chest but covered her halfway down her thighs. It seemed so seductive. He looked back up and opened his mouth. He paused though as he got a very good look at her. "You're the avatar! How ..?! Wait! You aren't real!"

The blond looked confused for a moment. "Can I have a name now? My programming needs to be finished."

Sheldon stared into her eyes. They were a beautiful jade with flecks of copper in them. Like a new penny, he mused.

"I like it," she smiled.

"Like what?" he asked.

"Penny," she replied. "Simple but fun. Hello. I'm Penny. Your girl."

Sheldon twitched. He hadn't realized he spoken out loud. "But I don't need a girl. Or want one! Go back into the computer!" he fluttered his hands in the direction of his laptop. "Get in there!"

Penny slid an arm around his neck and smiled. "You're so cute."

Sheldon tried to jump back, but he had forgotten his close proximity to the couch. He tumbled backwards over the arm, his head landing in his spot. Penny fell with him, her arm still around his neck. He gasped at the sudden weight, and his arms automatically curled around her so she didn't fall to the floor. Unfortunately, the shirt had ridden up and while one hand landed on her back, the other landed on her exposed buttock.

He froze, their faces only inches apart. "You think I'm cute?" he asked softly. A blush crept up his neck again. What in the world was happening to him?

She nodded and moved her face a couple of centimeters closer to his. "Very cute," she said softly. "You have gorgeous eyes."

Sheldon felt like he was drowning. It wasn't a completely unpleasant experience, he decided. "So do you.'

Penny smiled and placed her other hand on the couch by his head to brace herself. "Sweetie, I'm about to go off program."

He frowned. "What do you mean?"

She bent slightly and licked his bottom lips. "My programming says I'm to help you find a girl. I'd rather _be_ your girl than _find_ you one."

Sheldon's hands tightened on her body. "I still don't understand how you can be real, be flesh. It makes no sense." Penny closed the distance between their mouths and he groaned. When she raised back up he took a trembling breath. "What was I saying again?" Penny grinned and kissed him again.

Xxx

The next morning was full of explanations. First he had to explain to Howard that the power surges had fried his data. Then he had to explain to Leonard that they had a new roommate. Next he had to explain to Penny why she could only touch him _there_ in private. And finally he had to explain to the EMT's that all three of his friends had passed out and hit their heads at the same time because they just didn't understand computer programs.


	43. Happy Hill and Toll Bridge

:The Dirt Road:

Sheldon watched Leonard, Howard and Raj silently. The three men looked everywhere but at their tall, lean friend. Finally Leonard sighed. "OKAY! Fine! You were right and we were wrong! Happy?"

Sheldon crossed his arms across his chest. "We are still stuck, in a dead car, 24.7 miles from Pasadena. 8.3 miles from the nearest town. 3.9 miles from the supposed 'greatest comic book store in the entire world' which turned out to be a two table yard sale in front of a broken down shed. What part of that makes me happy?"

"Oh! Look!" Raj pointed to a sign just down the road. The sign pointed to a dirt road that branched off. They gathered around the weathered sign and tried to read it.

"Happy Hill and Toll Bridge" Howard read. "Okay. That's good. A toll bridge must have someone there to man the toll booth. And it's going in the direction of town. We should follow this road."

Sheldon looked at him incredulously. "A dirt road? With a toll booth? Ridiculous!"

Leonard had looked skeptical until Sheldon spoke. Then his contrary nature took over. He was tired of Sheldon's attitude. "I say we go. Who's with me?"

Leonard put up his hand. Howard threw his up too. Raj hesitated. He agreed with Sheldon, but Howard was his best friend. After a couple of seconds he sighed and raised his hand, too. Sheldon glared at them all.

"This is going to end in disaster!" He warned as they started down the road. After a few seconds he hurried to follow them.

Xxx

They had been walking about 30 minutes when they heard lilting voices singing a ballad. They stepped off the path and looked through the high grass. A small pond lay before them. There were three nude women splashing about. One was a brunette, one was a blonde and one was a redhead.

Sheldon immediately stepped back onto the road, his cheeks a bright pink. Leonard, Howard and Raj stared open mouthed at the view. The women glanced up and saw them. The guys started to dunk down, but the women giggled.

"Hello," said the brunette. "Would you like to join us?"

The blonde smiled and moved a bit closer. "The water is nice and warm."

The redhead waved them down. "We'd love to have you."

Sheldon tapped Leonard on the shoulder frantically. "Leonard, let's go. We need to get back to town."

Leonard pushed his hand away. "We have plenty of time, Sheldon. I wouldn't mind a little rest."

Howard and Raj were already pushing their way through the brambles toward the pond. Sheldon huffed angrily. "I'm not staying," he warned. "I'll leave you three here!"

Leonard nodded. "Okay. See you later, Sheldon." Then he hurried to catch up with the others.

Sheldon narrowed his eyes and looked around. It was only early afternoon, but he had no interest in staying here. He was annoyed with his friends for choosing three obvious floozies over him. He straightened his shoulders and started to march down the road. He hadn't gone more than a dozen yards when he heard screeching. He turned and started to head back but a voice stopped him.

"If you're smart you'll turn back around and head for town."

He looked around but didn't see anyone. "Who's there?"

"Up here, doll."

Sheldon looked up and blushed. She was sitting on a large branch over his head. Her golden skin was barely covered by the little cotton dress she was wearing.

"Hold out your arms," she said. Sheldon frowned and put his arms out straight. She scooted forward and hopped down to the ground. Sheldon's heart missed a beat as she plummeted to him.

Or rather, _flew _down to him. He gawked at the wings on her back. She slipped into his arms, hers settling around his neck. His eyes went wide as she grinned at him. "Wha …what are you?" he asked with a stammer.

She laughed. "Didn't you read the road sign before coming this way?"

He nodded. "Happy Hill and Toll Bridge."

She shook her head and laughed some more. "**HARPY** Hill and **TROLL** Bridge." She leaned in close and licked his bottom lip. "There are three female trolls out by the pond."

Sheldon frowned. "They are trolls?"

She smiled. "Not all trolls are hideous. Some actually care about skin conditioning. By now, they've eaten your friends. Then there's me, the harpy."

Sheldon felt a bit faint. "You're a harpy?" She nodded and tilted her head to sniff his neck. Sheldon gulped. "As in flesh eating, mythological, half woman, half bird creature?"

She ran the fingers of her right hand down his chest to his waistband. "Lucky for you," she whispered in his ear, "I'm vegan."

Sheldon almost sagged with relief. "That's a good thing right?"

She smirked and gripped his belt with both hands. Her wings flapped and she pulled him into the air. "I'm vegan," she laughed. "But my chicks aren't!

* * *

**You'll notice I didn't name any of the females here. I'll let you decide who is who among them all. You have plenty to chose from. Stephanie, Leslie, Alicia, Missy, Ramona, the hooker from Vegas, Professor Plimpton, Penny, etc.**


	44. One in an Infinite Number of Sheldons

**I don't own the Big Bang Theory. And if I did, I wouldn't admit it. Not with how bad the new season is. Thank goodness for Howard. He's the only saving grace as far as I'm concerned.**

_He leaned against a Dum-Dum tree and tried to catch his breath. He clutched at his butterscotch coated chest. He could feel the chocolate syrup pounding through his twizzler veins. His pixi-stix legs felt like froot-rollups. He was shaking in his large red shoes. He ran a hand through his rainbow hair nervously. He was almost sure he was safe._

_He heard a low rumbling sound and peered around the tree in time to see a dozen gummy bears thunder past in fear. He looked past them and squeaked in alarm. He turned to run but only got a few yards before a weight hit his back. He landed in a puddle of caramel, his big red nose bumping into a pop rock sharply. _

_He rolled over and looked up in horror. Hazel eyes stared down at him with desire. He squirmed as a pink tongue darted out and licked his cheek. He whimpered as she moaned happily. "I loooooovvvvve peppermint!"_

Sheldon sat up, wide awake. His pulse pounded and sweat broke out on his upper lip. He shoved back the blanket and stumbled from the bed. He raced through the apartment, past his startled friends on the couch. He crossed the hall and beat on Penny's door. It took two separate rounds of knocking before he heard her moving around inside.

Penny opened it angrily and drew back her fist. "It's 1 am, Sheldon! What do you want?!"

He pointed a finger at her accusingly. "The next time you pin me to the floor, you keep your tongue to yourself!" He turned and pushed past his slack-jawed friends.

After a moment Leonard turned to a very stunned Penny. "Um, wanna catch me up?"

Penny rolled her eyes and shut her door. She walked back to her bedroom and slipped under the covers. Just before she drifted off, she licked her lips. They tasted like peppermint.


	45. Sheldon's Dragon

:The Dragon:

Sheldon sighed as he turned away from the game store. He disliked being in the mall, but Leonard insisted on coming here for the new release of a computer game. He was standing in line at the moment with Howard and Raj. Sheldon decided to wander down to the book store. He was about to head back to the game store when he noticed a new shop. There were a couple of birdcages in the window holding parakeets. He stepped inside and saw a few aquariums with fish or lizards and some bunnies hopping about in holding pens.

"Hello."

He turned and saw a tall thin man regarding him closely. "Hello. I'm just looking."

The man smiled slightly. "You won't find what you are looking for out here. You need to step into the back room for what you seek."

Sheldon backed up a step. "That's okay. I'm not really looking for a pet."

The owner smiled wider. "Are you sure? I was certain you were searching for a dragon."

He paused in his retreat. Sheldon's eyes widened. "A dragon? There's no such thing."

The man gave him a full smile. "Isn't there? I have one who has waited a long time for you."

Despite his misgivings, he was intrigued. The man moved to lock the door and flip the sign to closed. He gestured toward the back and Sheldon turned in that direction. He felt like he was in a strange dream. The shopkeeper led him to the back and he gasped. The back room was huge. The walls were all covered in a pearl colored fabric. Large pillows and cushions covered the floors. In the center of the room was a gold pedestal. Sitting on top, staring at him was a small golden dragon.

It's body was about two feet long, and thin. It's two clawed legs were situated on the front half of it's body, and tipped in fine feathery hair. It's emerald colored eyes blinked slowly at him. Leathery gold and black wings fluttered on it's back. It rose up onto it's tail and hopped into the air. It glided over and landed on his shoulder. The wings folded up close to it's body. The tail wrapped across his shoulders and it's little feet clung to him gently. It rested it's head against his chest. He could feel it's throat vibrating softly over his heart. He reached up and gently rubbed it between the eyes. It closed it's eyes and the vibrations increased. Sheldon let out a soft sigh of awe. He could barely feel the dragon's weight.

The shopkeeper watched Sheldon closely. "Shall I assume you are interested?"

"How much?" Sheldon asked softly.

The man moved toward the door. "Will you care for her? Keep her safe and happy? She is a very special creature and deserves to be loved. Can you love her?"

Sheldon nodded immediately. "Of course!"

He smiled mysteriously. "Then she is yours. But I demand your promise. You cannot neglect her. You cannot give her to another. You cannot set her free. She must be returned to me if you no longer care for her."

Sheldon gave his word. Not that it would ever happen. He could not imagine never wanting this creature.

* * *

Sheldon looked at the dragon and smiled. It was a softer smile than his koala smile. More sincere than his "Please fund my research" smile. It was a smile of joy and awe. His friends couldn't understand it. To them, it was an ordinary yellowish lizard that for some inexplicable reason, Sheldon was fond of. He named it Penelope, saying like the character in the Odyssey, he knew this particular creature had been waiting on him to come get her.

That was probably why he dreamed most nights of a lovely blonde woman who awaited him with open arms and emerald eyes. He always awoke from those dreams feeling bereft and alone. He came to look forward to them.

* * *

Leonard, Raj and Howard were out "clubbing", whatever that was. Sheldon was settled in his spot, pizza in one hand, remote in the other. A marathon of Doctor Who was on and Penelope was curled up over his shoulder. A knock on the door drew him off the couch with a grumpy sigh. He opened it up to find the shopkeeper from the animal store. Sheldon blinked in surprise.

"May I help you?" he asked, his right hand immediately rising to Penelope. She had raised her head and was now staring intently at the man.

"Dr. Cooper," the man smiled. "I have come to see if you are still content with your pet."

Sheldon nodded emphatically. "Of course, I am. Penelope is more than a pet, though. She is my friend. My companion." The dragon swung it's head around and nuzzled Sheldon's jaw. He stroked her snout tenderly.

The man nodded. "So you do not wish to return her?"

Sheldon's jaw dropped. "Of course not! You can't have her!"

The man smiled widely. "Dr. Cooper, I was hoping you would say that. It has been one year since you took her from my store. I have come to show you the true secret of your dragon."

Sheldon looked at Penelope and found her staring intently back at him. True secret? He reached up and gathered her in his hands. "Will it harm her? I don't want her hurt."

The man shook his head and Penelope leapt from Sheldon's hands into the outstretched ones of the shopkeeper. Sheldon fidgeted nervously, trying hard to keep from snatching her back. The man brought her up to eye level.

"Does he treat you well?" The dragon nodded.

"Does he love you?" She nodded again.

"Do you love him?" A vigorous nod made Sheldon smile.

"Have you found the one?" The dragon nodded quickly and raised up onto it's tail. It spread it's wings and began to undulate slowly. Sheldon watched, entranced as the man placed her on the floor and reached into his pocket. He held out a small scroll to Sheldon. "The secret is that she is not really a dragon. She is a woman, cursed to take this form until she met her one true love. For generations, she has resided in my family's care. Read from the scroll and you break the curse. But!"

Sheldon looked up from Penelope to the man's face. "But, if you do not truly love her, you will not break the curse, and you will lose her."

Sheldon knelt to look at Penelope. "It's you, isn't it? The woman I dream of? How can that be?" Sheldon reached out and ran his hand down her soft scales one last time. He untied the scroll and unraveled it. He took a deep breath and began to read.

* * *

After a couple of months the guys quit asking Sheldon questions. For one thing, he had no adequate answers for what happened to his pet, and why he was suddenly engaged to a lovely woman they had never met before she moved in. Seriously, how do you explain to your three friends that the woman you love and are planning to marry spent the first year of your acquaintance living in an aquarium? The day they went to the mall to try on tuxedos, Sheldon noticed the pet shop was gone. In it's place was a Spencer's.


	46. The Hemophobic Vampire

**What happens when a guy with a germ phobia, an aversion to people and who faints at the sight of blood becomes a vampire?**

* * *

:Vamp:

They knew better. They were easy pickings. But they had been so excited about the new Star Trek movie, that they hadn't planned ahead. It got dark sooner than they anticipated. And look where it had gotten them. Running through the park, being herded like sheep. Fear is a great motivator, though, and they ran faster than they thought possible. They all might have made it if not for a tree root.

* * *

Penny was just coming out of the laundry room when Howard, Raj and Leonard stumbled into the safety of the building. She looked at them with disbelief. "You guys went out? Are you nuts?"

They leaned against the wall and struggled to catch their breath. "Went….see….movie," Howard gasped out.

Penny shook her head with annoyance. "You guys are idiots. You're prey! You should have stayed in and went in the morning." She headed for the stairs. "At least Sheldon was smart enough to stay home."

"Ummm," Leonard looked chagrined.

Penny stopped and turned back to them. "Tell me Sheldon is upstairs. Tell me you didn't leave him behind."

Raj looked at his shoes. Howard looked at the ceiling. Leonard looked at his friends and then hung his head. "We were being chased."

Penny dropped her basket, clothes tumbling across the floor. She grabbed Raj since he was the closest. Her hand twisted in his sweater vest. "Where. Is. He?" she growled.

Raj felt his bladder constrict painfully. "P…p…park!" he stuttered. Penny shoved him out of her way and ran out of the building.

* * *

Leonard, Howard and Raj jumped when the door burst open and bounced off the wall. Penny stumbled in, one of Sheldon's arms around her neck. Howard and Raj jumped up off the couch and helped her lower Sheldon down onto it. Leonard reached for his phone to call 911, but Penny slapped it from his hands.

"They can't help him. He's about to turn." She hurried back to Sheldon's room and grabbed his blanket and then stepped into the bathroom for some towels and the first aid kit. She hurried back and sat down beside Sheldon's head. She spread the blanket over him and rolled up a towel before placing it under his neck. She opened the kit and grabbed some bandages. She cleaned the wounds on his wrists and neck and then bandaged them carefully.

"You brought him here?!" Leonard exclaimed. "Are you insane?"

Penny glared at him. "This is his home, Leonard! He's still our friend."

Leonard gestured to the couch with agitation. "No, he _was_ our friend! Now he's a vampire! He'll drain us dry!"

Penny hopped up and stomped over. She got right in Leonard's face. "Then get out. This was his place first. You don't want to live with Sheldon? Then pack your crap."

Leonard looked at her with shock. "I can't believe this! Are you listening to yourself? HE'S A VAMPIRE! None of us are safe!"

Penny poked him in the chest. "You left him," she hissed furiously. "You ran like a coward and left him behind. At this moment, I don't give a damn about your concerns. He's my friend, even if he isn't yours. I'm going to do whatever I can to help him through this."

Howard and Raj were standing by the desks looking back and forth between them. Raj stepped forward and looked at Penny with embarrassment. "I'll help too."

Leonard glared at Raj and then turned back to Penny. "Fine, but you aren't keeping him here! You think it's so safe? Take him to your apartment!"

"You're a rat bastard," Penny sneered. She walked over to the couch and sat back down by Sheldon's head. "I'm not moving him anywhere."

* * *

Penny looked up as the door opened. Raj walked in with a small cooler and a bag containing some breakfast containers. It had been a long night. Leonard had grabbed his overnight bag and headed to Howard's. A few hours later Sheldon had begun to thrash and moan. It took her and Raj both to hold him down. Just before dawn he had sunk into the deep sleep. Then Raj had went for some breakfast, and some blood to feed Sheldon when he woke up. They ate silently and then Raj stretched out on Leonard's bed. Penny curled up in the armchair and pulled a throw over herself.

* * *

She woke up slowly, stretching pleasantly. She cuddled into the arms around her and sighed happily. Cool lips nuzzled her neck and she turned to kiss them. A large hand moved up to squeeze her breast and Penny moaned.

"Penny?"

She woke up completely and looked in shock at Sheldon. He was leaning over her, his eyes intense, yet confused. He jumped away quickly, twitching like a Chihuahua. Immediately she hopped up and moved to the kitchen. She grabbed a bag of blood from the cooler and turned toward Sheldon. He took one look at it and fainted.

* * *

Sheldon opened his eyes slowly and looked up at Raj. He frowned a bit and sat up. Raj looked at him warily, which made him angry. He was stunned by his anger. He looked around and saw Penny in the kitchen. She was standing by the microwave.

"What do you remember?" she asked.

He ran a hand through his hair, and thought back. "We were at the movies. It got dark quicker than we had planned. A group of vampires chased us through the park. I tripped and fell." Sheldon paused and looked anxious. "They bit me."

He turned toward Raj. "How did I get here?"

Raj pointed at Penny. "She went and got you. We stayed with you all night while you turned. Please don't drain me," he whimpered.

Sheldon cringed back. "I can't do that! I'm not about to bite you!"

Penny walked over with a travel thermos mug. She held it out to Sheldon. "Here, try this."

Sheldon sniffed it delicately. It smelled wonderful. He couldn't quite place the scent, but it made his stomach growl. He grabbed the mug and tipped it back. It was thick and sweet like honey over his tongue. He licked away the last drop on his lips and frowned. "Is there any more?"

Penny nodded and spun away. Her hair flew out and he caught the scent of her skin. Sheldon breathed deeply and closed his eyes. She smelled like the drink tasted. Like ambrosia.

"Whoa! Back it up!" Sheldon opened his eyes and found he had moved toward Penny. Her back was against the sink and he was so close, she was bent backwards. She was looking at him sternly.

"You smell so good," his thick twangy accent made her eyes dilate. He licked his lips. He could smell the arousal on her. What was wrong with him? He had never approached Penny sexually before. She was his friend. Sure, he was aware of her attractiveness, but it was a fantasy to him. The closest he had ever come to expressing his desire was when Penny had called him a beautiful mind. But it was a momentary thing. Easily hidden.

Now, however, he wanted to taste her lips. Were they as succulent as they appeared? Was her skin still as soft as he remembered? What would it be like to feel her strong hands wrapped around him? Even with two inches of space between them, he could feel her body heat rise. He dragged his gaze down to her chest and watched her nipples pebble.

Suddenly a mug was thrust under his nose, and he smelled that oh so sweet scent. He licked his lips and turned toward Raj's hand. He grabbed the mug and drank deeply. He growled around the rim as Penny slipped away from him and moved across the room. As soon as the mug was empty, Raj took it away and refilled it. Before he could get more than a half dozen steps closer to Penny the mug was back. By the time he had finished the third drink, he was feeling more in control. He looked from Raj to Penny with confusion. "Oh lord! I'm drinking blood, aren't I?!"

"You are a newly turned vamp," Penny said soothingly. "It'll be okay. We're going to help you."

Sheldon looked at her with anger. "Okay? What about this is okay?! I don't want to be a vampire! I can't drink blood, or sleep all day! When would I work? What about Thai food?" Sheldon froze and his jaw dropped. "Good lord! My mother! She's going to be so mad!"

Penny hurried over and placed a hand on his arm soothingly. "Sheldon, we'll find a way to take care of everything. I promise."

Sheldon huffed angrily and then stilled. Her scent invaded his olfactory bulb and his body reacted. Sheldon grabbed her hand and pulled her against him. He buried his nose in the crook of her neck and breathed deeply. Penny shuddered against him as his tongue snaked out and licked a trail along the vein. Sheldon pressed his hips tight against hers and then yelped. He released Penny, who jumped back away from him. He rubbed his ribs where she had pinched him.

Now that she was across the room, he felt a bit calmer. "What is happening?"

Raj looked up from Sheldon's laptop. "According to this, your experiencing a side effect of blood lust. Ordinary lust." Raj turned the screen so they could see it. "Well, not exactly ordinary. It seems that newly turned vamps have two hungers. There's the blood hunger, and a secondary one. The secondary hunger can either be violent or sexual. You apparently have the second one."

Sheldon inched closer to Penny, who was watching him warily. "Is it permanent?" she asked.

Raj shook his head, watching Sheldon with fascination. "No. He'll always have sexual urges now, but the intensity wears off after a few feedings. The site says that it wears off faster if he sates the urge."

Sheldon was watching Penny intensely, tracking her as she edged around the couch. Penny kept one eye on him and the other on her escape route. "I'm not having sex with you just because of some stupid vampire urge, Sheldon. So chill out!"

Sheldon licked his lips, excitement flowing through him. He felt powerful. Predatory. He felt more alive as a dead man than he ever had as a live one. He watched Penny twitch warily. Suddenly he understood why the vamps last night had been laughing. This was intoxicating.

He edged slightly to the left, sending Penny back toward the armchair. He calculated the angle and stepped forward between the couch and the table. Raj was whimpering slightly and Penny moved closer to the kitchen. Sheldon grinned and sprang forward. Penny squealed and took off down the hall. Sheldon leapt over the chair and gave chase. She made it as far as the bathroom door when he caught her. Sheldon snatched her up and they crashed into the door. It popped open and they landed on the cool tile floor.

Sheldon kicked the door closed with his foot and rolled them over so he was above her. Penny's eyes were wide, her respiration fast and shallow. He dipped his head and nuzzled her collar. Sheldon groaned as her scent enveloped him. "Luscious," he murmured.

Penny held as still as possible. She wasn't scared that Sheldon would hurt her. She was more concerned that he would regret this later and hate her. "Please, sweetie," she said soothingly. "This isn't a good idea. You aren't yourself. You don't really wants this."

Sheldon growled and used his knees to spread her legs apart. He pressed his erection into her thigh. "I disagree," he said with a grin. "I've wanted this for over a year. Ever since you moved in across the hall. I was just never brave enough to say so." He pushed her shirt up, exposing her stomach. He bent and placed a line of kisses down to her waist. He loved the way she shivered under him.

Penny looked at him with shock. "Sheldon, what are you saying?"

He crawled down her body, slipping his fingers under the band of her shorts. "I'm saying you have about 5 seconds to convince me you don't want this before I strip you naked."

He counted to five in his head and gently pulled her shorts down her legs. Penny raised her hips to help him. He raised up and reached for his belt. Penny reached out and pushed his hands away. He watched her eagerly as she unbuckled his belt and pants. She slowly lowered his zipper and raised up in front of him. Her eyes held his as she pushed the chinos off his hips.

She held up a finger and looked stern. "No biting!" Sheldon smirked and leaned in to capture her lips. Her arms wound around his neck and she pulled him back down. Sheldon reached between them and positioned himself before surging forward. Penny gasped against his mouth as he filled her. Sensations overwhelmed him and he lost himself in pleasure.

* * *

Raj was flipping through the channels when the door opened. Leonard and Howard peered around the edge cautiously. They looked around the room and stepped inside. Howard closed the door slowly and looked at Raj.

"You're still alive, I see. How did it go?" Howard asked.

Raj shrugged. "He woke up, and drank a bag of blood. It satisfied his desire to feed."

Leonard looked around some more. "Where is Penny?"

A husky moan floated down the hallway. The guys turned toward the sound. Leonard looked sick to his stomach. He turned back to Raj. "What was that?" he asked hesitantly.

"Oh god, Sheldon!" Howard and Leonard jumped slightly.

Raj turned the volume up on the tv. "That was Penny. She's helping Sheldon with his other desires."

Leonard slumped on the couch. "I cannot catch a break!" he groused.

Howard smirked. "No, but Sheldon sure can."


	47. Time Capsule

**Cal-Tech is putting together a time capsule. All the faculty have been asked to contribute something to it. This is what Sheldon placed inside.  
**

* * *

**:Time Capsule:**

I don't know what society is like for you, reader. I have no idea what the world will be like in 100 years (although I have some theories and a few hopes) when this time capsule is opened. I was asked to contribute and after a bit of pressure from my fiancé, I have agreed. I know my friends expect this to contain my best works, my favorite equations, and my list of accolades and awards. They are semi-wrong. I do want to tell you about my best and favorite. But it's not physics I refer to. It is a person.

Her name is Penelope Rene Queen. She was born December 9th 1983 in Omaha, Nebraska. She moved to Pasadena California when she was 18 to pursue a career in the film industry. I met Penny when she moved into the apartment across the hall from me and my roommate, Leonard Hofstadter.

I will be honest. At first I found her aesthetically beautiful, but annoying. She had no higher education, believed in a variety of flimflam and hokum, and seemed to own little in the way on decent apparel. She cared little for the rules and routines that maintained order in my life. She was disorganized, chaotic and messy. Everything I despised.

Yet, I could not avoid her in my life. Not because my roommate had an enormous crush on her. Not because he pursued and won her affections. Not because of her proximity to us. No, I found it difficult to avoid her because, in secret, I did not want to. She was a bright flame and I was a moth.

It was not her physical appearance, which was ethereal, that drew me. It was her heart. She cared deeply, truly, and with absolute compassion for those around her. I have never been an expressive person. I abhor emotional displays. There are few people who engender my empathy or affections. My Meemaw, my mother, and my siblings of course. And to a lesser degree Leonard, Howard and Raj, my friends. But Penny? She had the ability to elicit all of my emotions. She could annoy, anger, frustrate, confuse, and irritate me. She also could cheer, encourage, relax, amuse, arouse, and calm me.

I found myself making allowances for Penny that I refused to make for others. I made time for her that I would never have made for others, whether it was loaning her money, helping her make Penny-Blossom barrettes, or listening to her problems. Penny was an enigma to me. I did not understand her, and that, more than anything, kept me coming back those first couple of years.

Then I was introduced to Amy Farrah Fowler. She was highly intelligent, science oriented and amusing. We had a 'meeting of the minds' friendship. After a few months, Amy and I entered into a relationship. I can admit now, to you, it was not something I wanted. I did so because Penny said I should. I had asked Penny out on a date because I was jealous of Amy being on a date. Not because of romantic feelings for Amy, but because she had the courage to risk her emotions.

Even with my eidetic memory, I cannot tell you how long I have loved Penny. I do not know when I began to have feelings for Penny, because I did not realize that is what they were. I was convinced for a long time that I was above such things. I was so very wrong.

Anyway, back to my story. I entered into a relationship with Amy as Penny suggested. It wasn't much different from our friendship at first, with just the inclusion of 'date night'. That changed soon enough. Amy began to make demands on me, physically and emotionally. After a year, I was about to end the endeavor when Penny and Leonard began a second attempt at a relationship. So, I stuck with it. I had no reason to be single.

I won't bog you down with a lot of little details. Suffice it to say, both relationships were not beneficial. I can say that now, but at the time, while in the middle of them, it was difficult to notice. Think of it like being in an hourglass. A few grains of sand are barely noticeable at your feet. It's not until the sand is all piled up to your hips that you realize how deep you are, and how difficult it is to escape.

Penny and I both made a lot of compromises for our respective mates. We both allowed ourselves to be changed, adjusted and browbeaten. We gave up activities, hobbies, companionships, and each other. There were times when I would not see Penny for weeks at a time. Then when I would see her, it worried me. She was drinking more, smiling less and at times, seemed listless. I know she worried about me, also. How many nights did she message me, asking if I was okay? How many nights did she let me pour out my aggravations, via text? She tried. She offered advice, she explained, she encouraged. She tried everything she could to help me deal with my relationship.

Why did I never just walk across that small hall and tell her that it wasn't Amy I wanted, you ask? Because I am a coward. Because I feared rejection. Because I did not want to be left alone.

The day Amy and I celebrated our 3rd anniversary, Amy proposed we get engaged. She presented a detailed, logical argument for our marriage. As a scientist, I could not find any error in her proposal. As a man, I only had one argument against it. I did not love her. I could not love her. How could I tell her that, though? Despite my inability to love her, she is my friend. I do care for her. I asked for time to think about her suggestion. Before we could discuss anything else, Leonard and Penny entered the apartment.

Here, I shall go into greater detail. It is vital to me that you understand what happened. Leonard smiled happily and said hello to us. Penny was looking around the room, obviously annoyed. She was wearing that lovely pink dress that shows of her figure and tan nicely. Amy jumped from her seat and ran to Penny. She smiled widely and said she had great news. That she had pitched the idea of marriage to me and I was contemplating it, which in her mind meant 'yes'.

Leonard grinned widely and walked over to shake my hand. Penny just looked at me in a way I had never seen before. It was as if the light and joy that made her who she is blinked out of existence. I actually watched her eyes dim and become flat. Leonard was still shaking my hand, which was beginning to make me annoyed.

"I've asked Penny to marry me," he said loudly. "I told her not to answer me until morning, but in light of this," he turned to Penny and hurried over to her side, "what do you say to a double ceremony?"

I could feel the contents of my stomach sour and bubble. My skin lost what warmth it had. I wanted to run from the apartment, rather than hear her say yes.

"No."

Every one of us looked at Penny with surprise. Leonard gave her a weird, awkward giggle. "Oh, well, yes, I can see where separate ceremonies might be better."

Penny shook her head, her golden hair flying about her shoulders. "No. I won't marry you."

Leonard and Amy both gasped and looked devastated. Penny shoved her hair back from her face. She looked at me fully. It hurt to see the blank expression, the lack of emotion. She looked back at Leonard and sighed. "I love you. I just don't love you enough to spend the rest of my life with you. I tried to make this work. I tried to be who you want. But I'm not. And I never will be. I'm sorry, Leonard, but I'm breaking our Beta test off." She looked at a tearful Amy and smiled blandly. She leaned in and kissed Amy's cheek. Then she walked to me. My heart thudded as she moved in close. She leaned up and I automatically leaned down. She placed a soft kiss on my cheek as well. I barely heard her whispered words against my skin. _"Forgive me."_

Then she walked to the door. She paused and turned around, and then she gave a wide false smile. "Congratulations, Amy and Sheldon. I wish you the best." And then she was gone.

When I say gone, I mean gone. She left that night for her father's house in Nebraska. A week later, her dad and brother showed up with a moving van. They packed everything except a small box from her closet. She had asked her dad to give it to Bernadette, an anniversary present for her and Howard. That was four months ago. Since then none of the others have heard from her. She deactivated all her social media accounts and turned off her phone. I received only one text.

**Sheldon, please understand I cannot live that life anymore. I am sorry to abandon you, but I know Amy loves you and will always be there for you. Goodbye, my dearest friend. I will never forget you.**

I look at it often, when I am alone. Every day it seems as if I am sucked deeper into a whirlpool. I can fight the vortex for only so long before it pulls me under. Amy has almost finalized the plans for our wedding. She sent Penny an invitation and a request to be her maid of honor. It was returned today, with a note from Penny's father that she was out of the country with her aunt, and unable to attend.

Again, you may wonder why I do not break off the engagement and go after Penny? Penny has never given any indication she loves me. I am still a coward.

So, there you have it. My contribution to the time capsule for Cal-Tech, April 2013. The story of how I found and lost the only woman I truly love. If you have someone you love, tell them. Do not fall victim to your fears. Do not follow in my footsteps.

Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper

B.S., M.S., M.A., Ph.D., Sc.D.

Cal-Tech

Pasadena, CA


	48. The 437 Foot Penny

**Thanks to Thomas Bones for the suggestion!**

* * *

**:Attack Of The 43.7 Foot Penny:**

BOOM, BOOM, BOOM! "SHELDON!"

BOOM, BOOM, BOOM! "SHELDON!"

BOOM, BOOM, BOOM! "SHELDON!"

Sheldon opened his eyes groggily and looked at his alarm clock. The illuminated numbers read 2:44 am. A thunderous giggle shook the walls of his bedroom. Sheldon spun toward his window in time to see an enormous hand reaching toward him. He screamed as the fingers curled around his body and lifted him up. He could see one gigantic hazel eye twinkling at him merrily just before he passed out.

* * *

Sheldon looked around him at the massive crowd of people on the streets below. He could clearly see Leonard, Raj, Bernadette and Stephanie. He wondered where Howard was. He looked up at Penny who was watching him sadly. Huge tears the size of medicine balls slid down her cheeks. He patted her thumb and tried to offer her comfort.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. Even in that soft voice, it was almost as if she was shouting at him. "I didn't mean to scare everyone. I just wanted to show you the view from here."

He nodded and looked around the U.S. Bank Tower in Los Angeles. He ignored the faint nausea and vertigo. He looked back at Penny, noting the resignation forming in her expression.

"Penny, why did you bring _me_ here? Why not Leonard or Raj?" he asked.

Penny sighed and brought him up to eye level. "Because I wanted to share this with you," she answered. "You're my best friend, Sheldon."

"I'm your best friend?" He felt a surge of unexpected affection for Penny course through him. A buzzing sound began to build in his ears, but he ignored it. He reached out and tried to push a strand of hair from her face, but it was as thick as an electrical line now, and too bulky for his normal size arms to move.

Penny blushed softly, and looked at him shyly. "Of course, you are. Don't you know how much you mean to me?" she asked. "Why else would I always take care of you when you're sick, or drive you around, or make you spaghetti with hot dogs? I'd do just about anything for you, Moon Pie. I ….I love you."

The buzzing got louder. Before he could think of what to say, Penny gasped. Her eyes widened and she looked around wildly. She leaned over the side of the building and dropped him onto a small balcony.

"Stay!" she yelled.

Sheldon looked around the sky frantically. He could see five fighter jets heading toward them. In the lead one was Howard, looking fierce and unafraid. He waved his arms over his head but no one paid him any attention.

In seconds the air was filled with the rat-a-tat of machine guns. Smoke obscured his vision. He yelled and screamed but not even he could hear himself over the fierce melee above him on the tower. A rush of wind blew him back from the banister and he caught a glimpse of golden hair falling through the smoke. NO!

* * *

Sheldon hit the floor and looked around his room quickly. A dream. It was all a dream. He ran a hand over his eyes and tried to calm his heaving lungs. The image of Penny falling flashed through his eyes again and he jumped to his feet. He rushed from his room, noticing it was only midnight. He ignored Leonard and Stephanie on the couch, even as they scrambled to cover themselves. He threw open the door, crossed the hall and beat on Penny's door frantically, with no thought to his normal knocking rhythm.

After a couple of seconds Penny opened the door and looked at Sheldon worriedly. "What's wrong, sweetie?"

He searched her eyes, hope and fear warring in his expression. "Do you love me?"

Penny's eyes went wide and she fought the blush that crept up her neck. "Sheldon, what on earth makes you thi…"

Sheldon placed his large, thin hands on her shoulders, ignoring the gasps from Leonard and Stephanie. "Answer me," he demanded. "Do you love me?"

Penny's face became soft and resigned. "Yes," she whispered.

Sheldon took a deep breath and jerked her into his ungainly embrace. He held her tight for a moment before dipping his head to hesitantly kiss her. Penny moaned and melted into him. After a moment he pulled back. "I have little experience with emotion and relationships, but I would like to learn."

"Lesson #1, we don't need an audience." Penny smiled happily up at him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him into her apartment. She waved jauntily to Leonard and Stephanie and shut the door. Sheldon looked at her bashfully, his hands resting on her waist.

"What's lesson #2?" he asked. Penny leaned up and kissed his lips gently. After a few heady moments they pulled apart, breathing raggedly.

Sheldon licked her lip gloss from his lips nervously, a small part of his mind screaming about germs. "Penny, I am feeling out of my depth," he admitted timidly.

Penny pulled him over to the couch and they sat down. She curled up at his side and smiled. "Then we go slow," she said gently. She looked up at him and placed a kiss on his jaw. She reached for the afghan on the other arm and wrapped it around them. She turned on the tv and found them a program on super novas.

Sheldon placed an arm around her shoulders and grinned. "Thank you."


	49. Howard vs the Blob

**You can all blame this one on BreathlessFaith. It was inspired by her vague threats of whips, Steve McQueen and the sci-fi monster Blob.**

* * *

:Howard vs. the Blob:

There were fires everywhere he looked. He cringed as Bernadette and Penny crowded up against him. Leonard was whimpering behind them. Ever since they had lost Raj and Amy, the morale of the group had dropped to almost nothing. Howard moved up around Bernadette and peered around the corner.

"It's massive," he said in a low murmur. "It just keeps growing bigger and bigger with each person it devours."

"Is there nothing we can do?" Penny asked, fear making her voice tremble.

"Shouldn't we be trying to get out of the city?" Bernadette asked.

"We're doomed," Leonard moaned. "What's the use? We're all going to die here."

Sheldon watched determination fill Howard's gaze. " I'm not giving up," the engineer said stoutly. "This thing got hurt when it was hit by that taser earlier. If it can be hurt, it can be killed. We just have to find a way to do it."

Sheldon began to shake his head and suggest they find a vehicle to get out of town in, when Howard suddenly grabbed Penny's hand. He pulled her across the street at a fast clip. After a second, Bernadette followed. Sheldon grabbed Leonard's shirt collar and followed quickly. Howard kicked in the door of the drug store across the street and rushed inside. They followed him to the roof where he immediately pulled a massive pistol from his back pocket. It reminded him of the weapons in Halo.

Sheldon watched in amazement as Howard took careful aim and waited. Slowly the gigantic blob approached the building. When it was only a few yards away, Howard pulled the trigger three times. The electrical lines over the street sparked furiously and then swung down as if in slow motion.

The blob burst into flames as the strong electrical current coursed through it. It sizzled and melted in on itself. As soon as it was nothing more than a scorched puddle of goo, the group cheered loudly.

Sheldon watched in horror as Penny flung her arms around Howard tightly. "My hero!" she said breathlessly before kissing him passionately. Howard's arms wrapped around Penny and he dipped her low.

Sheldon jolted awake with a screeching "NOOOOOO!"

Leonard swerved in shock, causing Howard and Raj to yell in alarm. "What the hell, Sheldon?!"

"Dude! It was just a dream!" Raj exclaimed.

Howard clutched at the door handle in fear. "What the frak were you dreaming about?"

Sheldon turned and swatted Howard with his itinerary from the sci-fi convention. "You keep your hands off my woman!" he said savagely.

Everyone cringed away from Sheldon as he turned back around to face the front of the car. No one said another word as they traveled back to Pasadena. It wasn't until Sheldon was settling in his bed for the night that he realized what he had said. Penny was his woman? Since when? And how did he tell Amy and Leonard?


	50. The Children's Show

**I don't own The Big Bang Theory. **

**There's nothing wrong with drooling over an actor on a kid's show, is there? Is there? …crap.**

* * *

It all started with an embrace. Well, to be fair, it started years ago with an embrace, but that first hug he was able to bury in the back of his mind. As a precaution, ever since the day they met, he had been careful to always keep the majority of his body away from her when they hugged. He would lean way over and encircle her shoulders only. The most recent hug, though, had been a full body contact hug, and it had broken something free inside him. He went to sleep every night now, remembering the feel of her pressed against him. It was the first thing he thought of when he awoke each morning. The heat from her body, the gentle brush of her hair on his cheek, the press of her breasts against his, the feel of her pelvis wiggling against his groin in her excitement.

Penny had burst into the apartment at noon on a Sunday like a whirlwind. He was home alone, his friends having decided to take in a movie marathon at an unapproved cinema. She had thrown herself on him immediately. Without hesitation, without pausing to ask if anyone else was around, she had thrown her arms around his neck. His own arms had instinctively wrapped around her tight. She had been so jubilant, she had twitched and trembled in his arms.

"I got the part!" she had squealed loudly.

After several seconds she had calmed enough to explain that she had lucked into an audition. She had been at the gym when a man had approached. He was the director of a kid's show and was looking to cast a female for the show. He had asked her to come by his office and read for the part. The director, the male lead, and the three producers had loved her. She was cast as Elsa Idle, the villainess intent on stopping kids from doing anything healthy on the children's show Jump Up.

Penny had then spent 13 weeks in Canada filming the first season. He was stunned to realize how affected he was by her absence. Amy, Bernadette, Leonard, Howard and Raj had missed her as well, but he had noticed a distinct lack of interest in his activities and meals without her presence. Almost immediately upon her return, his lethargy ceased.

Every Thursday at 9 am, he would stop his work and sit at his desk. He would log on and watch the 30 minute program without fail. He even found it amusing, to be honest. The kids never seemed to see through Elsa'a disguises, but they were always able to foil her plots. Each episode ended with the kids singing and dancing while Elsa slunk off in the background, on her way to plan the next week's devious plot no doubt.

He could no longer deny it. He was attracted to Penny. He had no idea what to do about it either. Leonard was dating Priya, true, but he would not be very happy to find out how Sheldon felt. Sheldon sighed and sat down at his desk. It was almost time to watch Penny try to fool the kids again. He'd just have to be patient and wait for the perfect time to tell Penny how he felt.


	51. Friday On Elm Street

**Friday On Elm Street (or How Sheldon Met Penny)  
**

He watched from the trees as the group settled around the campfire. Seven men and women, all laughing and sipping beers. He gave a bored sigh. They were even the usual stereotypes. A nerd with glasses, a perky blonde, a horny guy, a quiet one, a shy brunette, a know-it-all, and the typical jock. On occasion he wished for a challenge. Or just an atypical group. Something to shake up the humdrum life he led. But, such was his lot in life. He was the murderous monster and it was his job to massacre as many teens and young adults as possible before some stupid virgin came along and killed him. Then he would revive next summer to do it all over again.

He waited until the fire had died down to mere embers before stepping out of the forest, machete raised high above his head. He moved forward to decapitate the know-it-all but froze as hot blood splashed across his mask.

He watched in stunned disbelief as four wicked thin blades, dripping blood, flashed in the moonlight. Blood from the jock's ripped out throat was still pumping out everywhere. The know-it-all before him sputtered wildly. "Howy cwap! You muhdered Kuwt, you cwazy bitch!"

The newcomer tilted her fedora back slightly, her green eyes filled with joyful abandon, and grinned viciously. "How sweet, fresh meat."

The hysterical men and women scattered, screaming loudly. The woman licked her lips and sauntered forward. "Are you going to use that blade on me, big boy?"

He pushed his hockey mask up and ripped off the grotesque mask underneath revealing his true face. "This isn't how things are supposed to happen," he said with confusion. "There are rules. We all have our own world, and we aren't supposed to intermingle."

She slid her arms up his chest to his neck, the blades on her right hand clicking rhythmically. "Aren't you tired of playing by the rules?" she asked. "Aren't you bored with the status quo? I just want to have a bit of excitement for once," she purred. "Shake things up a bit."

He looked down into her eyes and slowly smiled. "What's your name?"

"It's Penny Kruger. Yours?"

"Sheldon Voorhees," he replied before capturing her lush lips with his own. Penny pressed against him tight and moaned. Sheldon drew back after several heartbeats. He growled with desire and bloodlust. "Let's hunt."


	52. The Size Of It

**The Size Of It**

She was going to do more than punch them in the throat. She was going to do more than hog-tie and castrate them. She was going to kill them. Slowly. Painfully. With a smile and great joy.

Sheldon gulped and twisted his hands together with agitation as Penny ranted and yelled. Even with his excellent hearing he could barely hear her. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. Her threats were getting more and more violent and a few had made his skin crawl. She was quite the bloodthirsty little thing.

Sheldon gave a surprised bark of laughter at that thought. Penny stopped pacing and spun around. Unfortunately, her shoes weren't optimal for retaining traction on his couch. Penny's arms flailed as she pitched forward and plunged toward the floor.

His heart skipped a beat as he lunged forward and scooped her up. He clutched her to his chest, his eyes wide with concern. "Penny? Are you injured?" he asked softly.

Her tiny fists were twisted into his shirt, her eyes squeezed shut tightly. After a moment she looked up, tears slipping down her cheeks. "Thank you," she whispered.

Howard reached out and brushed some of Penny's hair back, and she swiftly turned her head and bit his finger. She glared at the small Jewish man fiercely. "Fix me!" she snarled.

Howard looked at her sheepishly and held out his hands. "I don't know how," he admitted. "I don't know how I shrunk you to begin with! This thing was busted. It's never worked. I don't know what happened!"

Penny tried to spring at Howard, but Sheldon kept a firm grip on her. She threw her head back and screamed as loud as she could. No one heard the door open.

"Oh god!" Leonard moaned. "Sheldon you didn't get a cat, did you?" Sheldon and Howard spun guiltily as Leonard, Amy, Bernadette and Raj walked into the apartment with pizzas.

The newcomers froze.

After a couple of seconds Penny waved and smiled self-consciously. "Hey guys. Ask me how my day went."

* * *

Penny edged her way around a pizza box and sighed softly. Sheldon looked at her, noting the sadness in her expression. Amy was chattering on about how much she wanted to scan Penny's brain and see if there were any changes in her brain waves due to her deduced size. Bernadette kept giggling about how Penny was now only 19 inches tall, and wanting to play dress up with her. Raj just kept poking her with a finger to assure himself he was really seeing her, and not just drunk. Leonard was sulking in the armchair, having spent the last hour ranting and yelling at him and Howard.

It's not like they had shrunk her on purpose. They were actually disassembling the laser to use it for spare parts when she had walked in and it went off. Raj quickly poked Penny again and tears sprang to her eyes. Sheldon reached out and picked her up, holding her close to his chest. He glared at his Indian friend and stood up. He ignored Leonard's demand to know where he was going with Penny. He ignored Amy's outstretched hand to collect her "bestie". He simply walked from the apartment and headed across the hall.

Once he had shut and locked the door, he sat Penny down on her sofa. "Are you okay?" he asked timidly.

Penny glared for a second before bursting into tears. "Do I look alright to you?!"

Sheldon fidgeted and sat down tentatively. He cleared his throat and looked at the miniscule woman he considered a friend.

"Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr."

He restrained his instinctive twitch as Penny climbed onto his lap and cuddled against his abdomen. She cried softly, so he began singing again, his left hand coming down to support her back. When she finally fell asleep, he studied her closely. He had never really watched anyone sleep before. Her breathing was even, her chest rising and falling rhythmically. He couldn't help grinning when she began mumbling in her sleep. She was dreaming about AoC, apparently, mumbling about Sheldor, Queen P, trolls and scythes.

He watched her right hand twist in the material of his Batman and Robin shirt, and realized there was a pattern to it. Clench, clench, twist, smooth. Recently he had begun to notice patterns that Penny had. When she ate it was bite, bite, napkin, drink. When she descended the stairs it was step, bounce, bounce, step, bounce. When she served them their food it was always in the same order. Howard, Raj, Leonard then him. Even her laundry had a pattern to it. Not the actual washing of the clothes, but the folding of them. She would actually sift through the clothes and fold in the order of shirt, pants, underwear, socks. If she had folded a pair of underwear, she would search through the load to find socks, rather than picking up whatever was on top.

In the six years he had known her, he had always equated her to chaos. He was beginning to realize there was an underlying order to Penny. Slowly his eyes drifted closed as he wondered what other patterns he had missed over the years.

* * *

They both began to waken, feeling warm and comfortable. Penny snuggled against the lean chest and wondered when Leonard had gotten so fit. Sheldon pulled the body in his arms closer, wondering how he was going to explain this when Penny realized it was him she was rubbing her pert bottom against. He also wondered when he had decided that her didn't mind having an armful of Penny.

Suddenly Penny gasped and scrambled off Sheldon's lap. Her skin flushed as she stared at him wide eyed. "Oh god! I'm so sorry, sweetie! I didn't mean to maul you!"

Sheldon stood and blushed as Penny's eyes darted to the evidence of human nature straining against his chinos. "I am pleased to see you have returned to your former dimensions, Penny."

She was immediately distracted and looked down at herself. Penny grinned widely and did a little jig. She flung her arms around his neck and placed a smacking kiss on his cheek. "Yea! I'm me again!"

Sheldon smiled slightly and nodded. "It would appear that the effects of Howard's shrink laser are not permanent. If you will excuse me, I am late for my morning shower." He headed for the door and paused before turning back to face her. "You were always you. No matter what physical changes you go through, you are still essentially Penny," he corrected softly. "For which I am glad."

He exited quickly, leaving Penny to stare after him with stunned awareness. She had to be mistaken. Right? Surely she had imagined the look of attraction in Sheldon's eyes. She remembered the feel of his arm around her, his morning erection pressing against her intimately. No, she was definitely imagining it. Just like she was imagining her own response to Sheldon. A response she was still feeling.

Penny headed to the bathroom to take a shower. She needed to put it out of her mind. That train of thought would complicate everything.

* * *

Sheldon stepped into the shower and relived the feeling of holding Penny. He was shocked to discover he wished he had stolen a kiss. He dunked under the spray and tried to put it from his mind. Nothing good would come of these contemplations. He had Amy. Penny had Leonard. End of story.

But…..what if…..


	53. His Ken Can Kiss Her Barbie

**For Anon13 who requested an alternative to The Panty Pinata Polarization episode. I pretty much just expanded the episode, sweetie. Hope you like my ending.  
**

**:Wooing A Prankster:**

"_Penny?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_Well played."_

"_Thank you."_

_"Just remember: with great power comes great responsibility."_

"_Understood."_

Sheldon looked at the little pink boyshorts in his hand with guilt. He should have returned them. He should have washed them, folded them and placed them in Penny's basket along with the rest of her underthings. So why hadn't he? Why had he pulled this particular pair from the dryer, folded them carefully and then placed them in his pocket? He had to return them. He had to face Penny, admit his theft and accept whatever punishment she deemed appropriate. Otherwise he was no better than Howard or Leonard.

Sheldon stood and quietly made his way through the apartment. He definitely didn't want to wake up Leonard and have to explain what he was doing. He crossed the hall and softly knocked on Penny's door.

Knock. Knock. Knock. "Penny?"

Knock. Knock. Knock. "Penny?"

Knock. Knock. Knock. "Penny?"

He heard her moving inside, so he stepped back slightly and cleared his throat. The door opened and Penny looked up at him curiously as she tied her robe closed.

"Why are you still up, sweetie?" she asked gently. He sighed and hoped she didn't hit him too hard. He held out the shorts and blushed.

"These are yours. I am sorry I kept them. I do not know what came over me. Please forgive me for my dishonesty."

Penny's eyes grew wide as she looked at her underwear in his hand. After a couple of heartbeats Penny stepped back and motioned him inside. Sheldon gulped and stepped into her apartment, fearful of what was about to happen.

Penny closed and locked the door. She took the underwear from his hand and looked down at it. "Why did you take these?" she asked calmly.

Sheldon looked down and fidgeted. "I …I do not know," he admitted. "I have never done such a thing before. I am truly sorry," he mumbled.

Penny looked at him carefully for several seconds. "Don't move," she commanded. She walked back to her bedroom and shut the door. Sheldon briefly considered running for it, but he knew she would have no trouble finding him, and it might just make her punishment worse.

A couple of minutes later Penny walked back out. She stood a couple of feet away and stared at him in a manner he wasn't used to. Penny smiled softly, and he relaxed slightly. Maybe she wasn't very angry after all.

"Sheldon, why did you take that pair in particular? There were over a dozen pair of panties in my basket. Why those?"

He shrugged and blushed again. "I do not know," he muttered.

Penny placed her hands on her hips and shook her head. "Don't you? You returned the red lace ones. You returned the black satin ones. You even returned the little lace white ones with the red bow in front. Why keep the pink boyshorts? Did you know they were my favorites?"

He looked surprised by that. "They are?" They were so soft. The material had been well worn and almost velvety. He knew why he had kept them.

Penny smiled and nodded. She reached for the belt of her robe and released the knot. The sides fell away to reveal the pink cotton clinging to her hips. Sheldon gasped as his eyes took in the smooth expanse of golden skin revealed. She wore only the tiny shorts underneath, but her robe draped over her breasts only allowing him the see the valley between them.

Heat rose on his cheeks more fiercely and his body felt electrified. He couldn't stop the way his hands twitched toward her, or the lurch of his penis within the confines of his pajamas. Slowly Penny turned around and allowed the robe to drop from her arms. Sheldon heard a soft moaning sound and realized with shock that it was coming from him.

Penny's shorts revealed the underside of her bottom, the cotton snug across her hips. He was moving before he even realized it. His left hand reached out and his index finger brushed along the waistband lightly. Penny looked over her shoulder at him. Her eyes were smoldering and her smile sultry.

"Why did you choose this pair?" she asked again, oh so softly.

He gulped and looked her in the eye. "Because I could imagine you in them," he admitted shyly.

Penny turned to face him, her breasts brushing against his chest because they were so close to each other. "Do they live up to your imagination?"

Sheldon nodded slightly. His erection throbbed painfully as her hands slid up his arms to his shoulders. He timidly placed his hands on her hips. "Penny, I do not know the protocol here. What should I do?"

"Just use your imagination," she advised softly before stretching up and kissing him.

* * *

Thankfully, Sheldon has quite the imagination.


	54. Minion Mine

**:Minion Mine:**

Sheldon frowned as he looked at the small box in her hands. His mind quickly checked and then rechecked all the important holidays, a host of unimportant ones, and all anniversaries. No, he couldn't find a single reason why Penny would be standing in the middle of his apartment, holding out a brightly wrapped box with his name emblazoned on it prominently.

"Penny, you must be mistaken. That cannot possibly be for me. It is not my birthday, Saturnalia, or the thoroughly unnecessary "anniversary of our friendship" that you seem determined to celebrate. There is no possible reason for you to present me with a gift."

Penny narrowed her eyes and gritted her teeth. Across the room Howard, Bernadette, Raj, Leonard and Amy watched the two of them square off. Penny had arrived 7 minutes ago with a smile and a bounce in her step. Her first words had been "Sheldon, I have a surprise for you!". His first words had been "I don't want it.". From there things had quickly gone downhill.

"Sheldon, take the damn gift!" she spit out.

He crossed his arms over his chest and raised one eyebrow at her. "No."

Penny shoved it into his chest. "Damn it, Sheldon! I'm trying to be nice! I just wanted to give you a freaking gift! Why do you have to make this so difficult?"

Sheldon glared at her angrily. "I do not want, or need, whatever tacky, useless bauble you have brought me. So, take it away!"

Leonard and Raj scrambled down the hall and locked themselves in his room. Howard grabbed Bernadette and Amy's hands and pulled them down behind the table. No one wanted to actually _see _Penny go junior rodeo on Sheldon.

Sheldon watched smugly as Penny lowered the gift. He looked up, wanting to see his victory in her eyes. His jaw dropped as tears formed in her eyes.

Penny tossed the gift into the trash can by his desk. She turned and walked back out the door. She paused, her hand on the door handle. "I just wanted to make you smile," she said softly. Then she shut the door behind her.

Sheldon stared at the closed door, appalled that he had hurt Penny. Bernadette walked around the table and picked up the gift. She glanced at Sheldon before opening it up. She pulled the little doll out and looked at it with a smile. There was a little tag around it's neck.

Amy came closer and looked at it with confusion. "What is it?"

Sheldon looked over at the yellow figure with one eye. Bernadette read the tag aloud. "Every genius needs a minion." She closed the box and gently placed it back in the trash can. "It's a character from the movie Despicable Me. A cartoon about an evil genius who turns out to have a heart of gold. He has lots of little minions that run around helping him, and sometimes getting into trouble. This particular one is named Stuart, I think."

"Utterly useless," Sheldon muttered. He turned and walked back to his bedroom without another word.

* * *

Leonard had watched Sheldon carry the trash out the next day, the brightly wrapped box clearly visible inside the garbage bag. Eventually Penny got over her hurt feelings and things returned to normal on the fourth floor. No one ever mentioned the gift. Neither did anyone ever know that whenever he was sad or hurt, Sheldon would open the small safe in his room and stare at the little yellow doll. It always made him smile.

* * *

**Inspired by a conversation with Jislane35, this may be the fastest I've ever written a story. I adore the minions. I love the Banana Song on youtube and have been known to sing it at work, much to the dismay of my coworkers.**


End file.
